to spend inherited money on a holiday

[LostMeerkats]

Myself and my 2 siblings were raised by my grandparents. My granddad passed away over 10 years ago now. My Grandma passed away a few months ago having had dementia for the past few years. I look after of my two siblings who both have additional needs. My sister is in her 30's and lives in respite care during the week and stays with us Friday to Sunday and a few weeks during the holidays. My brother attends the local college and lives at home.

Recently we were contacted because my grandparents had some money in an account which we didn't now about. As per my grandparents will I inherited all of their assets including this money with the assumption that I will use some of it to support my siblings throughout their lives.

It's quite a lot of money for us and I wasn't sure what to do with it at first so I have split it 4 ways. So for example I have put 5 thousand each in the 2 accounts I already have for my siblings which will eventually be used to pay for their care if/when I can't afford to cover it.
I then put 5 thousand into my own savings which I try to only use in emergencies.

I now have a quarter left over which I want to use for a holiday. I have godparents who live 8 hour away on public transport. They have a holiday cottage which we can stay in for free. I just need to pay for travel and food and spending money and stuff while we are there for the 3 of us.

So my idea is that we will travel half way and then stay in a b&b for the night then travel the rest of the way to my godparents. Stay there for a week and then do the same thing travelling on the way back.

I have already asked my godparents and they are thrilled we are coming.

Last night my Grandmas sister came over to visit so I told her about my plans and she was horrified that I would be so selfish and use the money on a holiday when it should be put towards my sibling care needs.
She pointed out the the holiday was really just for me as they aren't my siblings godparents and my brother would probably rather stay at home and my sister will probably get fed up of the travelling and she really couldn't believe that I would go ahead with this holiday and that I would waste the money on this.

I tried to explain why I thought it was a good idea and that my siblings will probably enjoy it once they are there and that its good for them to do new things even if they have to go out of their comfort zone.

She was still upset with me and ended up leaving in tears saying that I was making a mistake and she thought that maybe my grandparents have trusted me with too much responsibility.

The more I think about the more I am beginning to think that maybe she is right and I am being selfish going on a holiday that is mostly just for me. I think I got caught up in the idea of finally having the money to treat ourselves and I didn't stop to think about the other stuff I could spend the money on.

But then every time I think of cancelling the holiday I just want to cry and I hate cancelling on my godparents who were so excited to see us and it just feels like I have let everyone down because I got over excited about the money.

keep the money in the best savings account you can find and get the cheapest loan you can find and use that to pay for the holiday

I thought at first that you were going on holiday on your own and I was going to say Good for you, you sound to have earned a break. But you're taking your siblings too, go on your holiday and have a lovely time, ignore the nosey old biddy.

So you’re either out of pocket paying for their care with your own money, or you’re using your grandparents money for it? It’s all one and the same, this woman is essentially telling you to keep spending your own money on care, as well as putting this into an account to pay for their care too.

You should all have a bloody holiday, sod this silly woman.

I think it sounds a wonderful thing to do and won't cost that much. I would suggest checking how much a local cab firm would charge to drive you because trains etc are super expensive and can be slow, mitigating the need for the stop over, might be cheaper too

Oh, good lord.

Looking after anyone with SN, however much you love them, is hard work. And I dare say you beat a financial burden too.

Does opinionated godparent do any care of your siblings?

Have your holiday and refresh yourself. It is hardly a lavish extravagant trip!

This is actually heartbreaking OP, such a modest holiday that you are clearly looking forward to immensely and you are taking your siblings too. You are clearly a lovely and caring young woman, the thought of some cats bum-mouthed relative trying to spoil this for you is so upsetting.

Please go, please don't let this be tainted (and do try to get some time for yourself too, you thoroughly deserve it)

I'd be suspicious of great Aunt suddenly gracing you with her presence after you've just inherited some money and criticising how you're going to spend it (i.e not on her)

Please use some money for a holiday

Thank you sharing your opinions, interesting that most of you think I should go but some of you agree that it wasn't the best use of money and that some of you think I should split whats left.

The will just says that I should inherit all of their assets however I always talked to my Grandma about it and I know that they wanted me to sort everything and try to work out the best ways of using it for my siblings futures.

I can drive but we don't have a car as the costs are too much. We mostly use the bus as my siblings travel for free in Wales due to their additional needs so it is fairly cheap and the bus service by us is very regular so it works quite well.

Jesus give yourself a break literally and metaphorically, you are a wonderful sibling. I would be very proud if you were my granddaughter. Enjoy your holiday.

Gosh, OP, you are a very exceptional woman. Don't let anyone doubt yourself, you've obviously got your head screwed on, go and enjoy your holiday with your siblings and see if you can get some time away on your own too.

It might be worth seeing if you can get a good deal from a taxi driver instead of the train. Counting 3 train tickets accommodation and meals it might work out cheaper..

It’s a lovely idea.

Would hiring a car be better? Or more stressful?

It doesn’t sound like loads of money (and certainly not the best part of £000s) so go for it.

The will just says that I should inherit all of their assets however I always talked to my Grandma about it and I know that they wanted me to sort everything and try to work out the best ways of using it for my siblings futures

Op, I won't comment further on the holiday bit.. but this alarms me.
You are more than likely going to need some financial advice (someone impartial, be that a charity or citizens advice or a paid professional).. there are implications to this that I don't think you or your gran understood.

If your gran wanted you to financially support your relatives, that's probably best done properly in their names e.g. a trust.

Any money being held onto literally in your accounts, set aside for them, will still count when it comes to benefit assessments by you (e.g. counting towards the 16k benefits savings cap if you ever need help).. also on the offchance it's a lot of cash you have a £500/£1000 savings interest allowance before you have to pay tax on savings interest.. what about if you die? Your next of kin would inherit money intended for their care. Or if you'd become ill or incapacitated, their support money will contribute to the expected care bills for you. It won't be clear to assessors that it was "intended" for other people.

Please take objective & impartial advice about how to handle this to protect the cash as you deem suitable (technically it's entirely your discretion since legally your gran left it to you, anyway).

OP, I'm pretty sure almost everyone on this thread has said you should go ahead with the holiday.

What about hiring a car for the holiday, instead of public transport? It might work out cheaper than fares, you'll avoid all the changing trains and buses, and won't have to worry about someone on the train being noisy.
You can also then use it to get out and about while you're there. Even with the car, I'd still stop half way and stay at a b&b, because a four hour drive will be very tiring, so you'll need a rest.

I agree with what DennisMailer said above, about speaking to somebody about the best way to save your sibling's share. You don't want it to limit any benefits they're getting.

Definitely go on the holiday. And you should keep the rest of that share as planned for gifts and other extra treats as they are needed. That's a really valuable thing to be able to do without worrying about it. The future care needs of your siblings will be such that the extra couple of thousand each will make very little difference, but the extra treats will make a huge difference to you and to them.

Your life shouldn't be a giant struggle because you've been left as a carer for so many people in your family over the years. It's your life too op. I urge you to think of yourself too and what you want out of life. You've had a lot of responsibility dropped on your shoulders.

Go on the holiday, buy a car even, and tell your great aunt to shove off.

Go on the holiday. It’s hardlyy an extravagant holiday. I’d even consider leaving your siblings at home if you think the trip would be hard on them, assuming they can be appropriately cared for. By the sounds of it, you do a huge amount for others and you deserve to have this experience too. Do it.

Your grandparents left it to you. Have a holiday, you certainly deserve one. Don't let your relative guilt trip you - apart from anything else she might be annoyed she wasn't a beneficiary.

She left in tears? How dramatic is she? Sounds like she's upset that none of it went to her. If she thinks you're not doing best by your siblings, why doesn't she help out?

Your grandma's sister doesn't help out anywhere near enough to have such a strong opinion on this. I don't care if she's old, it's not acceptable. From your original post I was expecting a drip feed where she came over every day, sent money, took over for a few weekends a year so you could get away etc. From what you've said here it sounds like she does fuck all. Certainly not enough to justify giving you such a hard time. It is oh so easy to sit back and judge another person who is doing all the grunt work with caring for a relative, all the while never getting your own hands dirty.

OP, you absolutely MUST go on this holiday. Seriously, you need to. It would be unreasonable martyrdom and pure stupidity to cancel it because of your grandma's sister's selfish, jealous comments.

20K split 4 ways : 5k each for you and your two siblings and 5K for the holiday?

Whatever the sum, spending some of the money on a trip for the 3 of you sounds like a great idea!
It doesn't matter where you are going, the fact remains, it's a holiday for everyone! Do it!

Your grandma's sister is completely mad (maybe jealous you got the money?)

You're definitely entitled to a holiday! Taking two people who need care may make it more of a working holiday for you but I bet you'll all enjoy yourselves

Would your life be any easier if you had a car? You could buy car. Agree with those suggesting rental or taxi though.

Your aunt sounds unpleasant. Perhaps that's why your grandma left the money to you.

Have a lovely holiday.

Public transport for daily out and about sounds great, but I do think hiring a car for this trip only would be a good idea, as the train journey you're planning sounds quite arduous and as a pp said, it removes the risk of there being triggers on the train trip. It depends on how well your siblings travel, but for the cost of those three train tickets you could probably hire a car plus petrol for a similar amount? I can see it's probably not worth your while having a car full time while your siblings can use public transport for free.

If I were you I would probably set some money aside for future breaks/respite; your plans this time are quite modest so similar breaks should be manageable.

I hope everything goes well on your well-earned holiday and that your siblings enjoy it too.

If you're a full time carer to your siblings you're a saint- probably well in need of a holiday. IMO you wouldn't be unreasonable to use some of the money to pay for some respite and have a holiday on your own - but you're bringing your siblings and that speaks to what an amazing person you are. Ignore your great aunt.