AIBU to think potty training shouldn’t take as long as this?

[Midlandsmummy29]

Hi. Posting here for more traffic.

DD has been potty training for around 3 months now. She will be 3 at the end of September. She knows what to do, if we leave her bottomless she will run to the potty and use it happily. She can also pull down loose clothes, lift up her dress etc to use the potty. If we are out, I take her to the toilet regularly and she’ll happily use it. She is dry overnight, doesn’t need a pull up. We used to put pull-ups on her when going out but stopped that to avoid confusion, we take plenty of spare clothes instead.

The main problem is that she doesn’t tell us when she needs the toilet and we have to keep prompting her. She is often so engrossed in playing that she’ll have an accident and tell us afterwards. We had a couple of days where she told us she needed to go and we showered her with praise but then she stopped telling us!

We are three months in and it’s starting to drive me mad. She has between 0-3 accidents per day and has never had more than 2 days in a row dry.

I feel like this is the last part that needs to click into place but it’s really stressing me now as the last few months have revolved around reminding her to use the toilet!

AIBU to think it should have clicked by now?!

It can actually take up to a year to become fully toilet trained. Just keep doing what you're doing, stick to the same routine and she will get it ☺️

With DD2, we found making a habit of asking her every 20 minutes on the dot got her to a point where eventually she would do a sort of self assessment at the 20minute point and started telling us when she needed to go. Had to be religious about it for several days, though. Worth a try?

You have my sympathies!

My son is 3 this month and has been potty training since April (and is on his fourth reward chart...). We've tried to take it fairly easy - asking him if he wants the potty in the morning and before bed, which he's usually pretty good with, and nursery ask him at nappy changing time and at various points throughout the day.

He occasionally goes, but generally he just does his business in his nappy as he goes about his important toddler business. We've been trying not to push him as we don't want to make a thing about it, but I think that he's a bit too laid back! That, or he's figured out that potty training is a good source of rewards. -_-

Nursery have suggested just putting him in pants and seeing how he goes!

3 months of potty training?! I'd stop and try again in a month or so. I'd have lost the plot by now if I was you! My DS was just over 3 when we toilet trained (no potty, he hated the thing!) and we were accident free after 4 days. I don't think it should take so long if they're truly ready. We had tried when he was 2 and a half but he was the same and never told us he had to go but would happily go if we prompted him. 6 months later he cracked it.

It’s annoying but that’s fairly trained! Just stay the course and you’ll realise it’s all sorted before you know it.

@Spanneroo I have tried asking her regularly, even used a timer but she gets pretty annoyed at me. Maybe a few days of being strict with it might annoy her enough to start telling me again!

She sounds trained me. You just need to keep telling (not asking) her that it’s time to sit in the toilet at very regular intervals. It’ll be a while yet before she can be relied on to prioritise a non urgent need to go over more fun activities.

Thanks. I feel a bit better with people saying that she’s fairly trained. She’s pretty good when she first wakes in the morning at saying she wants to go as it’s been something we’ve encouraged since we first started. The rest of the day is more us promoting as she’s distracted.
To be honest, I don’t want to stop and try again in a month or so, she’s had 3 months without pull-ups/nappies so I think it would be a huge step back. I’d say she’s got an 80% success rate, it’s just the not asking and almost daily accidents that are stressing me out!

Sounds like she is doing really well actually. Accidents are very common for up to a year, particularly when engrossed in play.

Just keep asking, if she has to stop and think if she needs a wee or not it may help her notice she needs a wee.

Yeah I would consider her trained. Personally I think every 20 mins is too often. I'd leave it an hour and a half after she goes before asking her. You might have an idea of how often she needs to go. Some kids need to go more often than others. I had to remind mine to go for at least a year after they were trained. In fact I still remind my 4.5 year old to go before we leave the house... She's doing fine no need to stress

I wouldn’t consider her trained but agree with PP that I wouldn’t go back to nappies or pull ups again now. A toilet trained child recognises their need to go to the toilet, goes there and rarely if ever has an accident.

I ask "Do you need to go" and get the reply "NO NO NO I DON'T" (THRASH ABOUT ON FLOOR) "....actually yes I need a wee"

With DD1 it was like you describe, I refused to go back to nappies and the whole process took 3 months till it suddenly clicked and she started to reliably tell us when she needed a wee (and still quite a few accidents after that tbh).

With DD2 I tried for 5 days, she wasn’t getting the idea of telling me when she needed a wee. I stopped , went back to nappies and tried again 1 month later. The second time she was reliably taking herself to the potty within 4 days and very few accidents after.

Maybe they are just different children but I really wish I’d stopped trying for a while with DD1 rather than having months of accidents. She wasn’t ready.

I feel like I have no option but to persevere. I’m just hoping that it starts to click soon and she starts to tell us again. She suddenly started doing it a few weeks ago but then stopped, trying my hardest to encourage her.

She really wants to get it right, we’ve found her at times trying to pull down her clothes next to the potty and just being too late. Her little face falls when that happens.

She is happy to use a toilet at home and when out which is a positive.

Mine was 3.5 yrs and dry within a day. Simply wasn’t ready before. If you don’t want to take a break, then you just need to persevere and not make a big deal about accidents. She will crack it eventually and it sounds like you’re doing all the obvious things to help her.

Perfectly normal to need regular prompts for quite a while. Getting everything sorted takes a lot of different levels of learning. Just regular reminders and talking to the loo.

If maybe take a step back and see what she’s like for a few days (at home!) with no promoting. I’m sure you’ll have accidents but maybe a few days of autonomy will get her thinking more. Prompting annoys the hell out of my 3 year old. She was far happier when we gave her autonomy to make the decisions herself. I still get her to come with me to the loo if we’re out or before we leave the house/before sleep but otherwise it’s up to her. She does still have accidents but I think she learnt more from accidents than she would have done from me nagging her every half hour.

She really wants to get it right, we’ve found her at times trying to pull down her clothes next to the potty and just being too late. Her little face falls when that happens.

Well that’s different from my DD1 who simply didn’t care! She’d happily wet herself if she was in the middle of doing something. Actually for her, the real turning point came when she was old enough to understand that she’d miss more playing time if I had to clean her up and change her clothes, than if she just went to the loo

She’s quite young to have got it 100% right, but it sounds like she’s doing well.
Kids do have accidents and from what you’ve described it sounds like her clothing is costing her those vital extra seconds if she wets herself stood next to the potty trying to get them down?
Can she wear loose jersey shorts with no kickers or a dress with looser knickers so she can pull them down more easily?

My son years ago used to have upto ten accidents a day
My washing pile was insane
I really wish I’d put him back in nappies and left it another few months-and given my mother the middle finger at the pressure she put us through to ‘just get him done’
You could try asking her every half hour or so
and dress her in easy to open in a rush clothes

I'm surprised at all the posters who consider her trained. I don't think she's trained if she has 0-3 accidents a day and has only had 2 consecutive dry days.
I would go back to nappies. She's only two. In a few months she'll turn around and tell you she doesn't need them anymore and that'll be that.
I've heard with toilet training: Start at two finish at three, start at three finish at three.
Would be much less stress for both of you. Just my thoughts.

Why don’t you want to go back to nappies? We tried a couple of times when ours were two but they weren’t ready so went back to nappies. Kept trying every couple of months then tried again. At about 3yrs He went from nappies to completely dry with no accidents in about 10 days (condensed as he’d want to try for a few days then go back to nappies for a couple of days) plus he’s dry overnight. If you’re getting fed up with accidents and she’s not getting, why not try pull-ups so she can still practice but there’s no calamity if she forgets. Seriously, I’d leave it for a couple of months.

Shes trained! Especially if shes dry at night. I've 5 children and it's normal to have to remind them. But I'd say shes trained.