AIBU to think potty training shouldn’t take as long as this?

[Midlandsmummy29]

Hi. Posting here for more traffic.

DD has been potty training for around 3 months now. She will be 3 at the end of September. She knows what to do, if we leave her bottomless she will run to the potty and use it happily. She can also pull down loose clothes, lift up her dress etc to use the potty. If we are out, I take her to the toilet regularly and she’ll happily use it. She is dry overnight, doesn’t need a pull up. We used to put pull-ups on her when going out but stopped that to avoid confusion, we take plenty of spare clothes instead.

The main problem is that she doesn’t tell us when she needs the toilet and we have to keep prompting her. She is often so engrossed in playing that she’ll have an accident and tell us afterwards. We had a couple of days where she told us she needed to go and we showered her with praise but then she stopped telling us!

We are three months in and it’s starting to drive me mad. She has between 0-3 accidents per day and has never had more than 2 days in a row dry.

I feel like this is the last part that needs to click into place but it’s really stressing me now as the last few months have revolved around reminding her to use the toilet!

AIBU to think it should have clicked by now?!

An update.

Over the last few days I have taken a step back and stopped prompting my daughter. Only telling her to go to the potty before we go out. She has started telling me when she needs to go to the toilet now. Or, if she’s near a potty, she just gets on with it herself and tells me afterwards. A couple of accidents, well, near misses really, as she’s told me but we’ve not been quick enough getting to the toilet to be fair to her. She’s also helped me clean up without having to ask her.

Very early days but the big thing is I feel far less stressed and she is much more relaxed. In hindsight, I think we’ve been over prompting and building this into too big a thing for her, poor little girl. I’ll keep this approach up and see if it helps her longer term. Fingers crossed.

Thanks again for any input given.

Ooh that’s good! Yes I think sometimes with too much prompting they get the wrong idea and instead of thinking about it for themselves, it becomes something you tell them to do iyswim. Near misses are good too, at least she tried!

I ask "Do you need to go" and get the reply "NO NO NO I DON'T" (THRASH ABOUT ON FLOOR) "....actually yes I need a wee"
Yep!
Though you could check if she is constipated? DD started well but then had a year or getting better, worse, better, worse, we found out she had been horribly constipated for all that time.
We've now had a year of Movicol and she's better but not fully dry aged 5. I think if we'd caught it earlier she'd have been OK.

My second child was the same. He refused nappies at just over 2. He was reliably dry until turned 3. Where my eldest and youngest child trained later - well over 3 and were dry within a week and stayed that way

@drspouse thanks for the suggestion but that’s definitely not an issue, she’s very regular and rarely has an accident with that. Just wetting herself that’s the problem but we will keep going with standing back and see if that helps

If a child can't get a poo out they often wet themselves instead, though.

@drspouse what I meant that she has no issues with telling us she needs to poo and using the toilet for that, definitely not constipated. Thanks for the suggestion though

Can't believe how many people are saying she's already trained, surely not trained until they are telling you they need the toilet/going themselves?!

Could you offer her a big reward for filling a sticker chart? We did a princess dress she particularly wanted.
Tell her she gets a sticker if she tells you she needs a wee or goes by herself!

Another update.

We are now on 3 days accident free. She’s doing great. Very early days still but backing off with prompting and giving her control seems to be helping.

my son is 3 in sept - we have started but stopped - hes not interested.

And your child is already potty trained - what on earth - dry overnight? How is that not trained.

Don't go back to nappies!
All kids are different. Dd1 had few accidents after first week and withheld wee and poo for ages.
Dd2 a bit more normal and mostly dry, but sometimes forgets. Not dry at night, or reliably during naps - just turned 3.

I have three children all so different. One trained at 3 and a half - wee accidents most days for 6 months but dry at night immediately.

Next one trained at just over 2, wee accidents most days for 6 months, dry at night at four.

Next one trained at just over 3. Poo accidents over the next three years sometimes daily sometimes with weeks between them. I think dry at night quite promptly.

So glad it is all over now. Didn’t do anything differently. Glad to hear things are moving forward for you.

Great stuff @Midlandsmummy29. Yeah handing them the control and no over prompting is a great approach and not going back to nappies is great. 💐💐💐 well done to little midlands mummy as well.

I would take mine to the loo regularly whether they wanted to go or not. 99% of the time there would be a wee.
We also developed a hand sign that we would use if they were playing with others and needed to go so that it was less embarrassing for them. Keep up the praise and try a star chart with an incentive for each dry day.

I think it took DS 2 full years to be reliably dry. Maybe longer. We trained at 2.5.