AIBU to think potty training shouldn’t take as long as this?

[Midlandsmummy29]

Hi. Posting here for more traffic.

DD has been potty training for around 3 months now. She will be 3 at the end of September. She knows what to do, if we leave her bottomless she will run to the potty and use it happily. She can also pull down loose clothes, lift up her dress etc to use the potty. If we are out, I take her to the toilet regularly and she’ll happily use it. She is dry overnight, doesn’t need a pull up. We used to put pull-ups on her when going out but stopped that to avoid confusion, we take plenty of spare clothes instead.

The main problem is that she doesn’t tell us when she needs the toilet and we have to keep prompting her. She is often so engrossed in playing that she’ll have an accident and tell us afterwards. We had a couple of days where she told us she needed to go and we showered her with praise but then she stopped telling us!

We are three months in and it’s starting to drive me mad. She has between 0-3 accidents per day and has never had more than 2 days in a row dry.

I feel like this is the last part that needs to click into place but it’s really stressing me now as the last few months have revolved around reminding her to use the toilet!

AIBU to think it should have clicked by now?!

Just start again in a few months
Because then instead of you having to ask her all the time; she might be ready to let you know instead.

Save your sanity. Haha

@Lolapusht I don’t want to go back to nappies as after 3 months it seems like such a huge backwards step to me and she doesn’t need them overnight. I feel that would give her mixed messages. I know that people would disagree.

As I’ve said, she did start asking and was brilliant, no accidents on those days but then regressed. This is the bit she needs to crack.

I’m maybe having to remind her once an hour.

She is trained (whatever you do don’t go back now). She, just like many others, needs prompted.

My daughter took at least a year, maybe 18 months. She put trained at 2 and a half, and always co operated, but just lacked control and awareness of the need to go until she was nearly 4. She used to have accidents at nursery every day, but was dry in the night as long as I put her on the toilet before bed. She never had poo accidents though. I babysit s little girl who is coming up for 4 and she often has a poo accident even though she's been trained for ages. She just gets into playing and doesn't recognise the urge to go until it's out.

Sorry, seen your update. Definitely don't go back. Just keep reminding and she'll get there but just be reassured that it's quite normal even up to going to school.

Also, in terms of reminders, 2 of my kids would always say: no, I don't need to go. They genuinely didn't think they did. Then about 30 seconds later they'd be desperate. It's like the reminder took a little while to link the brain and body...I used to watch it happen and find it so interesting.

Op...shes not ready. Stop potty training, wait a month or so then try again. My dd is 3 and not ready either. In her nursery its 40% in pants, 60% in nappies. When they ready its done in days if not a day. Hormones have to be there. Go back a step and dont worry about it. X

They're all so different! My DC2 was a dream to potty train - very quick with almost no accidents. DC3 took ages to get the hang of it initially - no successful wees in the potty or toilet until day 10 iirc - but then it clicked and he made good progress after that. DC1 was more like you describe and hovered on the edge of being training and not trained (getting it right most of the time but still frequent accidents) for three or four months.

She'll get there in the end OP!

Why did you start training so early? What made you think she was ready?

Dd1 was 2, ds1 was 3, Dd3 & ds2 were 4! I waited until they told me they were ready and dd1 was the only one that had an accident. When I say accident, I mean she shit in a shoe.

I couldn’t be dealing with 3 accidents a day. That’s crazy.

Personally I think you should carry on, she is old enough and you've got this far. I think a lot of parents potty train too late, giving the excuse of not being ready. No 3.5-4 year old was still in nappies when we were growing up unless they had developmtal disabilities.

She clearly is ready as she's dry at night.

I'd set a timer to go off every half an hour to remind her to go then gradually extend the time. Think if you aim for dry with prompting first then phase out the prompting.

I don't think nearly 3 is too early at all! We started last month when he was 2.5 and he's been dry ever since. Only thing we haven't tackled in overnight but that's because we haven't tried yet.
OP keep going. One thing that worked for my son was always having his underwear on. Loads of people say to keep them off but for DS it was feeling wet fabric that seemed to help it click.
I'm not sure how you prompt them to tell you though. Maybe just keep doing what you're doing and have a special treat or reward chart for when she does tell you?

OP, have you tried the reward system?

Everytime she does a wee she gets a large chocolate button.

It stopped accidents in my house.

I gave them a button to "test" and then said every time you do a wee in the loo Mummy will give you one.

It worked because it focused their attention.

One of mine used to go to the bathroom, stand by the loo and have an accident!

It sorted that out.

Thinking about it now, I definitely thing they just liked messing with my head😁

Bribery. Big sticker each day no accidents. Five stickers equals desired toy. Also make tidying up wee and changing a long tedious job.

I’d stop reminding her when you’re at home.Tell her she’s big now and needs to remember to go to toilet even when she’s playing.

You will get wet clothes of course but just remind her she could of been playing rather than being changed. She’s nearly there and it’ll click soon. It’s common for 3yo to still have accidents when they are busy even when otherwise trained.

He sounds absolutely fine. This is normal. The accidents will continue for some time. It’s very typical for them to not want to stop playing to go.

My daughter is very similar; she’ll have the odd accident but not everyday. Completely dry at night. She’ll leave activities to use the potty but she doesn’t always do it quickly enough. She’s 3.

Don’t go back to nappies. She’s fine.

By the way, I never ask my daughter if she needs to go during the day unless we are going out or before bed. They do need to figure this out on their own.

Don’t stop! Really. She sounds that she’s doing well but that you just need to continue the prompting. Sounds super frustrating but it sounds like she’s getting there.

It took a year to train DC2, I thought I’d lose the plot as they were 3 and perfectly capable just wasn’t bothered. After DC1 who basically trained themselves at 2.5 I felt so out of my depth to figure out how to crack it.

To avoid accidents we put up picture reminders of times to go - getting up and going to bed, before meals, and before we leave the house and as soon as we got back. That helped as it set a routine based on rules rather than mummy being mean and stopping them playing. After that they started to recognise themselves and it fell into place.

Honestly it’ll get there and a year later I can barely remember the details so it’ll pass

Ah there's nothing wrong with reminding her. It's not a reason to go back to nappies. They're very busy and they forget. She's still young. What's wrong with reminding her every hour for now? It's not a big deal. I often have to remind my 4 year old who still leaves herself to the last second. It's normal for some kids

Mine were same age

DD2 was done in a week. She didn’t like being wet or anything so was just naturally aware of needing to go to avoid being wet and used a toilet not a potty

DD1 took ages. She would fib to you as well about needing to go and it just took a lot of reminders and sometimes sitting on the potty for no reason. She pooped herself at my dsis wedding reception and ruined her dress and shoes! Was quite painful at times but she’s 16 now and fine

Don’t go back to nappies, just do more reminders. I also had a wee wee song she loved (made up) and tried using sticker rewards

My Dniece is 4 and still has little accidents, it is Normal as they get distracted

Does she give signals? Wiggling and jiggling around a little bit and touching her knickers?

Both of mine did this and Dniece does it. I watch her and I don’t think she realises she is wiggling and I have to say do you need to go? Then usually she will realise she does before it is too late

It's normal for them to have a bit of a regression after they have cracked it.

Definitely don't go back to nappies and it's a perfectly acceptable age to potty train - the ideal time is between 22 and 30months.

@Snowblanket She would tell me when she needed changed, started getting the changing mat out and take her nappy off. She was dry overnight and several nappies during the day were dry. She also had an interest in sitting on the potty. I didn’t think that 2 and a half was so early.

@PookieDo she didn’t have signals at first but definitely does now and try to use these to catch her on time.

Thanks for the advice and encouragement posted.

My DH pointed out that she copies a lot of what we say so we have decided that for the moment we will both announce very loudly in front of her “I need to wee” before going to the toilet. She’s since told me she needed to wee and I took her but nothing happened. I’m hoping it might encourage her to make the link!

I would only stop and go back to nappies if everyone is getting distressed about it. It wouldn’t be worth keep doing something that she is upset with but she isn’t?

Doesn’t sound that way so hopefully it is just needing to click like you say

Watch her for signals it will be shifting around, wiggling and touching herself usually is the first sign. It was THAT that I tried to get her to connect is a wee feeling - not the wee coming actually out!