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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask your opinions on accepting this offer from H

48 replies

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 15:54

H owns his own business which has been pretty successful so far. He's doing really well.

I have been doing the same job now for a number of years and hate it. I am miserable in it.

My work is office based currently and I also help H with pretty much all of the admin with his business including accounts, VAT, invoicing, chasing payments etc...

H has suggested that I just come to work with him and do it together with me in the office and H doing his normal manual work.

This has always been what we'd discussed doing eventually however I'm worried that he is offering this now just to make me feel better.

I don't think the money is a problem, his accounts are growing and healthy. He also employs other staff so it's not a question of whether I think he can afford to pay me but more I'm not sure whether me being there full time would actually be beneficial to his business. I don't want to take advantage of his success and basically have him pay me so I don't have to do my current job.

There's work to do for sure but I'm not convinced it equates to a full time job amount.

I'm not sure if any of that makes sense but if it did... WWYD?

OP posts:

Mamadothehump · 22/07/2019 15:56

His success? Sounds like you've been working pretty damn hard too! No brainier - go for it! In fact, my husband and I have a very similar set up.

bellabelly · 22/07/2019 15:59

Grab it with both hands if you are not happy in your current job!

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:01

Ok yes I see your point, I have helped substantially on the admin side of things.

My only worry is a manual labour type business so I can't actually do the job that he does. He's essentially creating a role for me to get me out of my current situation. It's a role I'm not entirely convinced he actually needs!

He's very lovely and I know he's trying to help me really but I don't want to take advantage.

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RushianDisney · 22/07/2019 16:03

Presumably you slogging away at a 'normal' regular salaried job allowed him to build the business up to the success it has now without worrying about having the money for paying bills. I'd be taking him up on his offer in your position.

TixieLix · 22/07/2019 16:04

If there's not enough to warrant a full time role then why not find a part-time job that you enjoy, and work for your DH part-time around the other job?

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:10

If there's not enough to warrant a full time role then why not find a part-time job that you enjoy, and work for your DH part-time around the other job?

This is a good idea actually. I might suggest that to him instead.

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PicsInRed · 22/07/2019 16:10

Don't give up your other job. Get a new job if you aren't happy in your present role, but don't just go and work for your husband, as you will lose your income, mortgage/borrowing capacity and - crucially - a credible job reference if you ever split with him and need a job/lending.

I would add that you need to have some formal ownership in his business if you are significantly contributing to it (which you are as the business/office management side).

MerryBerryCheesecake · 22/07/2019 16:11

I fail to see how you would be taking advantage.

He wants you there or he wouldn't have asked.

You get out of a job you hate.

He gets someone he trusts to back him up in the office.

Win win.

You're already doing a lot of the required work for him now, while also working elsewhere. Why should you have to work two jobs for one lot of pay.

Just go for it. You can get another job if it doesn't work out but it sounds like it would be good.

BadTimesAtTheElRoyale · 22/07/2019 16:13

as you will lose your income, mortgage/borrowing capacity not if she is on the payroll in a PAYE capacity.

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:17

That's what we'd have to work out. Whether I'd join as a partner of the business so essentially self employed like H with the business as a partnership or actually an employee of the business.

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Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:19

Probably an employee is my safest option I'd imagine unless we divorced which I hope never happens!

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Settlersofcatan · 22/07/2019 16:24

Personally, I really wouldn't want my husband to also be my boss - which would be your situation. It's worth thinking about how you'd find that dynamic.

OrangeSlices998 · 22/07/2019 16:28

If you're already doing the work for him, then there is clearly a need and a role for you! Do it! Go go go!

Opossooom · 22/07/2019 16:28

I’m in this position and He loves it! He loves the fact I can work as and when needed, flexible and I can spend more time with him! I also, obviously love it too!

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:29

Ok so if I agreed, what would PP suggest I join as? An employee or a partner? I know H would be fine with it being a partnership, I'm just trying to work out what would actually be best for us.

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Constance1234 · 22/07/2019 16:30

This would be a no brainer for me - take the job with your DH! Life is too short to be stuck doing something you hate.

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:30

I just wish I could accept less money that what I'm on now but I can't. We have bills, mortgage etc... To pay so I wouldn't be able to take a cut from what I'm on now.

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Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:32

Which is pretty steep for an admin assistant. He could probably hire an 18 year old out of college for less than half my current salary 😂

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TwigTheWonderKid · 22/07/2019 16:38

If you are concerend about being overpaid to do admin, what value could you add to the business OP? Could you take on HR, marketing, devise a programme to actively grow the business?

MitziK · 22/07/2019 16:40

Dealing with the accounts, credit control, invoicing and VAT returns is not a job for school leaver under the title of Admin Assistant. They would deserve a better title and salary for the work.

An 18 year old Admin Assistant would be paid the lower salary for things such as typing, filing, answering the phone, making coffee for clients, maybe doing a bit of typing or data entry and when it is approved by a senior member of staff, bunging them in envelopes and posting them/operating the franking machine (but not topping it up with credit). They wouldn't be working without supervision, either.

MerdedeBrexit · 22/07/2019 16:42

We have bills, mortgage etc... To pay so I wouldn't be able to take a cut from what I'm on now.
Sorry to be stupid, but if it is your husband's own business, and he would be paying your salary from it, how does that differ from his paying all the bills directly from his own profits if you were to stop working? (Forgive me, I have little grasp of these things, as have never had my own business.)

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:43

I guess the value I would bring is essentially running all none manual business requirements so H can concentrate on getting the jobs out faster.

So admin, VAT returns, quotes, invoices, customer liaising, accounts, phone calls, distributing jobs to the other people. I've said to him before actually that I'd quite like to look into what we can do to advertise it a bit more so websites, leaflets, possible social media management etc...

At the moment I do most of that (VAT, accounts, invoices) at home in the evenings and H does it in the day at work.

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MsSquiz · 22/07/2019 16:44

I was in a similar position to you. I am now technically DH's PA and work from home. DH is a company director of a social media marketing company and a project development company. I deal with and pay all of the contractors and sort out paperwork for accountants, etc for the project development company and compile reports and spreadsheets for the marketing company. I also assist DH in his role as fundraising chair for a charity.

DH works out of the home, so we don't spend all day together and we don't talk about work all evening when he gets home.

It works for us, especially now that I am pregnant and have been working tasks around my morning sickness! It will also allow me to continue to work throughout pregnancy and once the baby is here, I can adjust my hours to suit myself.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 22/07/2019 16:44

Talk to him! Ask him all those questions and work through the logistics of it together.

Don't second guess him - that way lies madness!

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:46

MerdedeBrexit

This is why I only want to do this if it benefits H's business and actually makes it more profitable for him otherwise it wouldn't be much different to me just quitting work and him paying for everything out of his business profits.

I definitely want to contribute still. I want to earn my money. I don't want him to do it out of pity when it won't actually benefit him at all.

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