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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask your opinions on accepting this offer from H

48 replies

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 15:54

H owns his own business which has been pretty successful so far. He's doing really well.

I have been doing the same job now for a number of years and hate it. I am miserable in it.

My work is office based currently and I also help H with pretty much all of the admin with his business including accounts, VAT, invoicing, chasing payments etc...

H has suggested that I just come to work with him and do it together with me in the office and H doing his normal manual work.

This has always been what we'd discussed doing eventually however I'm worried that he is offering this now just to make me feel better.

I don't think the money is a problem, his accounts are growing and healthy. He also employs other staff so it's not a question of whether I think he can afford to pay me but more I'm not sure whether me being there full time would actually be beneficial to his business. I don't want to take advantage of his success and basically have him pay me so I don't have to do my current job.

There's work to do for sure but I'm not convinced it equates to a full time job amount.

I'm not sure if any of that makes sense but if it did... WWYD?

OP posts:

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/07/2019 16:47

Would you just be an admin assistant? Is there no capacity to do business development, marketing, project management?

From a financial resilience perspective, it would be sensible for you to consider how a role in your DH's company would build your CV and leave you able to get a job in the future should your position with your DH's company go away for any reason.

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:48

especially now that I am pregnant and have been working tasks around my morning sickness! It will also allow me to continue to work throughout pregnancy and once the baby is here, I can adjust my hours to suit myself

This is actually one of the huge positives I can see because we are TTC at the moment.

I've told him we'll have a proper chat about it tonight so will definitely discuss all this with him. Just wanted to get it written down so I can think of all possible scenarios etc before we discuss it.

If you couldn't tell I'm a huge worry worm naturally. The thought of leaving my job frightens me if I'm honest despite me hating it and knowing I do want to leave really.

OP posts:

MerdedeBrexit · 22/07/2019 16:51

Thanks for explaining, RollWithTheShit. In that case, I would go with someone else's suggestion that you either find another full-time job and carry on helping out in the evenings for the moment, or find a part-time job elsewhere and work part-time for your husband's business as well.
Good luck with your decision!

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:51

Would you just be an admin assistant?

I guess not. I do do other things as mentioned up thread. I also liaise with most of the other 3rd parties like our accountant who I have the meetings with etc.. I already have my own email address with the business which I use to speak with people about it, chase clients, discuss with the accountant.

The more I type the more I realise I'm essentially already working for him but just around my normal working day haha.

OP posts:

SleepingStandingUp · 22/07/2019 16:52

All this "he's just trying to be nice because he feels sorry for me" makes it sound like H is some random acquaintance or friend, or some guy hoping if he does you a favour you'll put out, not your Husband you loves you and is your partner.

He sees your miserable, he sees a way as a family to resolve that situation.

He gets help with the business, he gets a less miserae wife and presumably he gets more wife time of a night.

You get a job you enjoy and if you don't you can carve it into a job role, look for something else and he can replace you. You can commit fully to all the extra bits your doing plus the ideas you already have. You will hopefully get your evenings back.

He's not paying you to sit in the corner of his workspace looking pretty, he's paying you to do a job.

If you aren't comfortable with the salary, then work out what you'd need to give you the current level of persknal spends, plus a smaller proportion of the bills than you currnetly pay and he pays more, but it's semantics really.

Take the job

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 16:55

I just read it back and thought that myself actually

I'm a very anxious person. I don't like taking advantage of anyone or being seen as not contributing to our family but I think sometimes I worry far too much.

I'd love it, I know I would. I've really enjoyed helping him with it so far, it's just a big step!

OP posts:

OxeyeDaisy · 22/07/2019 16:56

I left my job 8 years ago to work for my other half’s business and its gone from strength to strength. It’s allowed us to buy a house and have a nice life and with our first child on the way gives me some flexibility to a degree.

As long as he employs you like his other staff and you have a contract you have nothing to lose as such.

Talk through it. If your doing the accounts you know what’s affordable and you will also have an idea of the work you can bring in to increase productivity etc.

If your doing it anyway I would say go for it.

noego · 22/07/2019 16:56

My advice would be..........set up your own Ltd company. Stay at home, charge him for your services, daily/hourly rate etc. He then accounts for you as cap ex and not overhead.
You can also pursue other possible clients and build your Ltd company organically.
Everyone's a winner.

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/07/2019 16:58

So you're more ofa Director of Operations than an admin assistant? Is that a role that can be translated back into a position working for others?

If you working for him full time wouldn't increase his revenues you are essentially just giving up the money from your current job (and stopping taking the hit for working two jobs) so there's an immediate financial calculation there. But if he's at the point where he's employing people it sounds like there may be capacity to expand that you could be instrumental in driving.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/07/2019 16:59

Then take it @RollWithTheShit, this is your life partner

Jist throw in some extra sex on your newly free nights to make you both happy you took it 😉😉

Honeyroar · 22/07/2019 17:01

You sound like a lovely, considerate and caring partnership, on both sides.

Ponoka7 · 22/07/2019 17:01

If ypur actively TTC then consider if there's a maternity package with your current job that beats what would happen if you left now.

Other than that, it's a no brainer.

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 17:07

With the TTC situation I may possibly be being naive but I'm thinking it would be better really (in the long run anyway)?

A lot of the stuff I could do from home and Hs office is only round the corner from our house. I'd be able to work flexibly to suit what we need.

OP posts:

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 17:08

You sound like a lovely, considerate and caring partnership, on both sides

Thank you he's a good egg. I think he'd day the same about me too

OP posts:

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 17:09

Jist throw in some extra sex on your newly free nights to make you both happy you took it 😉😉

Oh I think I can manage that

OP posts:

Nothingmuch · 22/07/2019 17:20

I’d listen to Picsinred !

LostInNorfolk · 22/07/2019 17:31

So basically you are doing for free what you will want to be paid for?

So the business expenses will go up, will the income go up by enough to accommodate this? Roughly if he pays you £25k he would need to generate an additional £40k of pre VAT income to cover this (is it a limited company? who are the shareholders?) Pension, maternity ? (you cant be on different terms and conditions to his other employees) . What happens if his income drops? How long can you survive as a family with little/no income?

You need to sit down with a calculator and work this out.

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 17:32

Okay so the reason I haven't just got another job (and believe me I've been looking) is because I've struggled to find anything that pays as well that I would enjoy doing.

I have tried doing my job but for other companies and I know now that's its definitely the job itself I can't stand. It is mind numbingly boring and the thought of doing it until retirement honestly makes me depressed.

OP posts:

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 17:35

So basically you are doing for free what you will want to be paid for?

In part yes although H also does a lot of it during work hours which he would no longer need to do as I'd be in the office so in theory it means he can crack on with the jobs quicker.

His business has grown and is still growing a lot. Financially it's doing really well. He employs one man doing the manual job that H does and also has another man there who is leaving soon. He's suggested instead of replacing him, he takes me on instead so essentially I'd be taking the wage he's paying to his current employee who is leaving.

OP posts:

Original poster

RollWithTheShit · 22/07/2019 17:36

He believes as he'd be free to do more of the manual work rather than be in the office, he would not need to replace the employee who's leaving.

OP posts:

bobsyourauntie · 22/07/2019 17:47

I don't see it as a bad move. I would have a meeting with your DH and your Accountant and discuss whether to go into partnership with him or whether to be an employee , especially if you are TTC. Discuss maternity pay, NIC, pension contributions etc (various pros and cons to both roles). (If he is a Limited Company you could be a Director or an normal employee).

If it genuinely frees up your DH to earn more money then it has to be worth it. I am an accountant/bookkeeper and a lot of my clients hate paperwork. They can earn more than they pay me per hour, so it becomes a no-brainer for them to get me to do the books and get themselves out of the office.

Yes in one way you are putting all your eggs in one basket, but in another you are also building and growing a family business with your husband. Just make sure that you are paid a decent wage, or get a stake in it and make it worthwhile.

Tisahardlife · 22/07/2019 17:52

Sounds like a no brainer to me. Put some time aside and together put some thought into how it will work.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/07/2019 18:28

Jist throw in some extra sex
Oh I think I can manage that
I'd actually missed your ttc comment but that works even better lol.
You are going to want some time once baby is here but you work that out, I wouldn't just assume 3 days post partum you'll be back at a desk, even one in your own home

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