AIBU to think oh could stay home from work when I’m sick?

[mumsurviving]

AIBU? appreciate your honesty!
my hubby travels for work often, approx 2-3 weeks per month. On a couple of occasions when I have been very sick/heavily pregnant and unwell he has missed a work trip to stay home with me and 2 kids so I can rest/recover. We have no real family help around to come in and help. My youngest is 2y.o. now in creche 3 days p.w and older child is 4, off now on school holidays (starting school in September).
I have been sick the last 2 days, feeling rotten with a fever and sweats/chills and cough, went to doctor and she put me on inhalers and steroids for chest infection and asthma flare up.
he is minding our two kids today, but off on a pre-planned business trip tomorrow for 5 nights.
I asked him is it possible he could reschedule it for next week or go a few days later, since there is no particular event on he is going to, and he promptly said no it’s all arranged, not an option.
AIBU to think he should stay home and let me rest up properly ?

It isn't that easy tho is it op. I'm sorry you're steuggling, but most businesses would not tolerate rearranging travel and accommodation, and presumably meetings, cos the wife is poorly.

I’m honestly sorry that you’re feeling ill, but YABU. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and muddle through as best you can. We too have no local family and all of us caught norovirus earlier this year... it was like something out of a horror film. But once DH was over it he went back to work and I just had to carry on recuperating as best I could (I succumbed last so was also the last to recover) while keeping the show on the road. I’ve had to do the same with flu - yes, proper flu - and migraines. You just have to do what you can.

It’s shitty and no fun, but you just have to do your best. CBeebies is your friend.

I'm afraid that's the life you get when your partner works away. It's shit, and you need networks around you, but no, a workplace won't rearrange a scheduled work trip because someone who doesn't work for them happens to be poorly.
Hope the meds kick in soon, and I'd work on those networks

I know it's tough when you're ill and have kids to look after, but I don't think you should expect your DH to stay at home, OP.

Hope you feel better soon

YABU. It's not always possible to rearrange travel and accommodation and clients and colleagues at short notice, especially when it's not you that's ill. Sorry OP. It sounds like he stays home when you really need him to, but this time he just can't rearrange.

Plus if you start taking the stuff your doctor gave you today you'll probably start feeling better quite soon.

You can't expect hundreds of pounds of business, accommodation, bookings, meetings to be reshuffled because you don't feel well.

Sorry if you are feeling crap but you are being unreasonable. Exdp had to manage sick kids and being sick when I was away, as I couldn’t suddenly reorganise over 150 people to fit in with my personal life. I would have been out of a job if I was cancelling at the drop of a hat before I knew it!

Do you think he’s lying/exaggerating when he says it’s not an option?

YABU.

Unless you were genuinely bed bound and incapable of getting up, life goes on. You need to find a plan B for if you are ill - ie paid child care.

Thank you for your honesty! I probably needed that. thanks will struggle on xx

Yabu sorry op. Your DH sounds like he tries his best and can't accommodate this time.

It’s not quite that black and white.

Business aren’t going to keep rearranging flights etc because his wife is ill, unless it’s proper hospital I’ll kind of stuff.

Yes it is tough being ill when you have dc but that’s parenthood 🤷🏻‍♀️ At least they don’t have school so that makes it easier at the minute.

Rest today when his here to watch them and then you suck it up

As someone who travels for work a lot I agree with the others who have said it's not as easy as just rearranging. Sorry you're feeling crap but I know that if I told my boss I was cancelling a business trip because my OH was ill, unless he was at death's door it would not be tolerated.

I’ve had DP stay home from work once or twice to look after DS and myself when we’ve been so ill that it’s dangerous to leave us alone. At the same time I’ve been bed ridden for weeks in early pregnancy and I couldn’t expect him to take all that time off.
I think it depends how much time he’s already had off doing this and if you can get the basics done without him.
I would just focus on resting and order food in if possible. If not get him to get some ready/easy meals in before he goes so you can focus on getting better. Stick netflix on and keep the kids entertained that way.

This is one of the biggest challenges of being a sahp - if you're ill, you don't have cover. I sympathise but think that unfortunately yabu. Do you have funds to cover some help, when ill I've sometimes paid for a local teenager to come over and play with the kids for a few hours, and it being school holidays you should have plenty of students and young people with some free time.

I’m sorry but YABU.

It depends on the illness. Where asthma and a chest infection are involved you know the person is at risk of stopping breathing until medication kicks in. I think he should make very effort to rearrange.

I really feel for you but sorry you abu.

The fact your Dh has already cancelled trips is unusual and he certainly can't repeatedly do that or he would find himself without a job.

If it's a regular occurrence he will have to find a job without travel.

Or you will have to find help as others have suggested.

When you’re better you both need to research back up. Even if it’s having good friends to deliver food (me:mumps/DP:India 2000) or his work paying for taxis (me:broken arm/DP:Australia 2002) Hope you feel better soon.

Why would his company pay for taxis for his wife and how is that even relevant in this scenario?!

Why is he going on a business trip where nothing is arranged? There may not be an “event” but presumably there’s a purpose to the trip? Meeting arranged with clients etc.

I think the wider issue is you have no back-up - can you affird some childcare help e.g. mother’s help, or some babysitting to give you some rest?

if he works that sort of job, do you have enough money for a nursery/child minder/playgroup etc?

That would often be the case.

I lived in this set-up with DH, we had no family support but because his high flying job (well, sort off ) we spent cash on baby sitters/cleaners/child minder 1 day a week things like that.

is that an option?

If he is poorly paid, the job is not worth him being away so much IMO

Hope you feel better soon, asthma and chest infection is miserable and exhausting and you would need back-up here!

My husband would but he is in a job that he is able to do that without serious reprocussions. I think it depends on a balance of a) how unwell and b) how much of a problem it would be to cancel/rearrange. A compromise might be booking your eldest into a childminder or a holiday club?

Hope you feel better soon OP. It sounds like a lot of the burden of raising your kids falls on you with your husband away that much. I’m not surprised you want him to stay and pull his weight sometimes

I'd say he has been remarkably flexible staying at home today to help out, rather than work, and you should be grateful he has been able to manage that.
Hopefully you will be feeling a little better by tomorrow. And a TV day wont hurt the kids.