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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - swimming in the seas?

101 replies

Glitterfisher · 22/07/2019 11:47

We live near the sea, DS age 13.5 (Y8) wants to go to the beach with his friends today, they are all Y9s. I have said that's fine and he can go and chill etc with them but not to be swimming in the sea as there are no adults there. Obviously living near the sea all my life I am fully aware of the dangers of sea swimming and have seen a few fatal incidents over the years, all strong swimmers, mostly adults.

AIBU in saying this, he is now really upset and said it is unfair and ridiculous that he can't swim.

TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
Glitterfisher · 22/07/2019 11:47

Obv title should say sea not seas!

OP posts:
bloodywhitecat · 22/07/2019 11:49

Are there lifeguards on the beach?

TheDarkPassenger · 22/07/2019 11:49

Is there not a lifeguard or some Barries to say how far he can go out? Maybe if he can have a little paddle? (Without making him sound like he’s a toddler 🙄)

TheDarkPassenger · 22/07/2019 11:50

Some Barrie’s 😂

Barriers is what I meant but every beach should definitely have a Barrie

Singleandproud · 22/07/2019 11:52

By year 9 I don’t really think you can veto it, if he can swim. At what age do you think it will be appropriate? Does he know how to be safe in the safe, to swim sideways if he gets carried out etc. If not maybe see if there is a sea surf club nearby so that he can learn.

I guess it also depends on the particular beach as, ours is manned by lifeguards and there have never been any fatalities.

Original poster
Glitterfisher · 22/07/2019 11:55

He's Y8, his friends are Y9, in my head I always thought that 14 is the age I would say it's fine, none of his friends his age are going.

There are lifeguards but only on a certain section, where they are meeting is further up than that. I have said I am happy for him going in but just not swimming, our current is pretty dangerous. I feel really bad as the chances are he'll be fine.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 22/07/2019 11:59

You are better off explaining to him how to keep himself as safe as possible in the sea. Do you expect him to sit on a towel and watch whilst all his mates are in the water?

MrsSpenserGregson · 22/07/2019 12:00

I let my DCs (one is 12, the other 15) go to the beach and swim with their friends, as long as they swim between the lifeguards' flags in front of the lifeguard kiosk, and as long as the lifeguards are actually manning the kiosk.

I wouldn't allow them to swim somewhere where I knew there was a dangerous current though. I feel for you, it's a tricky age to get the balance right when they really want to be independent and they think they're invincible ..!

I'm currently having a debate with my 12yo (just finished year 7) about swimming in the river with her her friends ....

bellabasset · 22/07/2019 12:01

YANBU I live in Cornwall and we get used to seeing tragedies happen. Kids and adults take paddle boards out and can get caught in the riptides here.

What about the other parents? Do they share your concerns? Stupid things happen, someone's just posted a warning that a 5' deep hole has been dug on the beach and left. An adult would struggle to get out of that.

BeanBag7 · 22/07/2019 12:02

Year 8 and year 9 isn't that different. It's not like they are 5 years older, they could only be a few months older. What about a compromise that he can swim but only in the lifeguard area?

stucknoue · 22/07/2019 12:13

Tell him he must swim where the life guards are. End of. But living close to the beach you won't be able to dictate much longer what he does, perhaps get him involved in a lifesaving course so he can hear the dangers from someone else and learn how to save others

Original poster
Glitterfisher · 22/07/2019 12:14

I know they are not much different, some are nearly 15 though, he was 13 in Feb. The other children are mainly girls, they seem to have unlimited freedom and have done for several years, the boys generally not so much.

Obviously I am not doing it to be nasty and of course I don't want him to sit on a towel watching his mates swim, I'm not just being awkward, I believe it's something to seriously think about, it's not them just hanging at a park. When I went to the beach and 13/14 we just sat and sunbathed and chatted, maybe paddled a bit but never full on swimming. I assumed they would be doing the same.

I will have a chat to him . . .

OP posts:
LadyOfTheFlowers · 22/07/2019 12:16

Can't he just only swim in the life guarded area?

Me as an adult would only swim in the life guarded area anyway as I'd be mortified if they came along and megaphoned me out ! Grin

Plus although I'm a strong swimmer I know the sea is to be respected and I'd want to swim where it was patrolled.

Kolo · 22/07/2019 12:16

I’d be uncomfortable with it too. The sea is dangerous and I don’t know enough about it (I live in the midlands). Has he been swimming with you a lot? Is he sensible? Is he experienced and confident in the sea?

Original poster
Glitterfisher · 22/07/2019 12:22

I am fairly certain where they are going is quite a way from the life guarded part, there is only a small part of the 3 mile beach that has life guards.

He is a good swimmer, has swam in the sea loads and never got into trouble, we have always been there sat on the beach watching. Another worry is that kids are always a bit sillier with their mates, on top of drownings we have had several fatalities from kids jumping off various things into the sea. I am pretty sure he wouldn't do that though.

OP posts:
Senac32 · 22/07/2019 12:24

I grew up at the seaside too, there were no lifeguards in those days.
It was drilled into us 'only swim in such an area', and we did as we were told.
I don't think it relates so much to age, many adults take stupid risks. eg my husband who nearly got swept out to sea once Hmm.
The main thing is education.

Annasgirl · 22/07/2019 12:26

I know this sounds daft but could you go too? Sit on the beach and watch them? My DD (15) swims in the sea with friends but there is always an adult there (one parent goes) - could that be your compromise? You don't need to sit with them but just there in case of trouble?

Perhaps this is a terrible idea but it's how we do it.

Original poster
Glitterfisher · 22/07/2019 12:27

Senac32 - I totally agree, he is really sensible so I do think he'll be ok but I am not 100% comfortable with it yet.

OP posts:
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 22/07/2019 12:32

Our local beach isn't lifeguarded, there are tons of teens pier jumping every day now, and into the evening, depending on tide obvs.
I do feel uncomfortable about it - my DCs are young enough that I'm still there supervising them when they swim, and there are usually lots of adults around, but it doesn't take much for someone in trouble to go unnoticed.
But then I wouldn't want to stop them, it's a part of life by the sea. I'm a strong and experienced sea swimmer and I often swim on my own at non-lifeguarded beaches. I'm at just as much risk as they are, but I still do it.
A tricky one.

BlueSkiesLies · 22/07/2019 12:35

I know this sounds daft but could you go too? Sit on the beach and watch them? My DD (15) swims in the sea with friends but there is always an adult there (one parent goes) - could that be your compromise? You don't need to sit with them but just there in case of trouble?

What good is this single adult though?

If they are swimming in a life guarded area, then the other teenagers can alert the lifeguard if one gets into difficulties.

If they aren't in a lifeguard area, they are screwed anyway as the adult isn't going to magically be able to rescue a 15 year old who is in serious difficulties.

Yeah, the adult can call 999 - but so can the teenagers!

3dogs2cats · 22/07/2019 12:35

You are clearly just thinking of him and his safety, but I think it would be better to agree some guidelines rather than a blanket ban. At his age, I would have just thought that s stupid and ignored you. What you need is for him to make safe decisions. You need to talk it through with him, especially as you do think he is sensible.

Original poster
Glitterfisher · 22/07/2019 12:37

I can't go as I am working but I don't think it is an option really, I think he'd rather not go at all.

I think they do need to learn but it's so hard to know what the right thing is.

OP posts:
LoveGrowsWhere · 22/07/2019 12:39

Tell him the choice us swim only where the lifeguards are on duty or you'll have to accompany them. [Grin]

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 22/07/2019 12:39

Hmm. Times have changed a bit I think. As a kid in secondary school we often swam at the beach on holiday without parents... this would be in uk at sheltered beaches rather than any known for currents etc, we were all strong swimmers. As you say.... A fatal accident can happen to an adult too, but it doesn't mean no one swims. Is he a strong swimmer and is he in good health? Ask him to stay in depth etc.

moreismore · 22/07/2019 12:39

I totally understand your thinking but I’m not sure you’re going to feel better about it when he turns 14. Try to think logically, what would make you feel better? Lifeguards? Him having some sea survival skills? Knowing he won’t go past say waist depth? Then you can let him know what your standards are and you can decide together how to figure it out so you are more comfortable and he has more freedom.

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