AIBU - swimming in the seas?

[Glitterfisher]

We live near the sea, DS age 13.5 (Y8) wants to go to the beach with his friends today, they are all Y9s. I have said that's fine and he can go and chill etc with them but not to be swimming in the sea as there are no adults there. Obviously living near the sea all my life I am fully aware of the dangers of sea swimming and have seen a few fatal incidents over the years, all strong swimmers, mostly adults.

AIBU in saying this, he is now really upset and said it is unfair and ridiculous that he can't swim.

TIA

i would say swim sideways to the coast, not away from it

This is quite funny because when we were DC on holidays by the sea we either IIRC went in with parents supervising or not at all. Even a stream/river which seemed fairly safe (in 2 different areas), one we just paddled in with relatively little adult supervision, the other seemed slightly more risky so an adult was always with us - I was approx 8/9. Rivers with weirs - we holidayed near one and were told on no uncertain terms not to go in but there was a small pool a 10 minute walk away.

As teenagers (approx 14/15) I recall going to a beach on holiday with friends and meeting exchange students and locals there and we swam but not very far out at all, mostly paddled and messed around! I think a lifeguard was a little way off. A few years later, same story.

I think the best thing you can do is not forbid it outright but maybe say stay between flags/near lifeguards and/or in future maybe send on a safety course.

I was lucky - I was a strong swimmer and we had had 'scare stories' drummed into us so knew how to be safe, I don't honestly think we'd have messed around a lot. Having said that, one close friend of mine, who came with us on holidays and to the beach, I don't actually think she was a great swimmer but we never thought to ask?!

SolitudeatAltitude - you think lifeguards would be aware/alert but not always the case. Some years ago, my DB was with me, an older DC of a family friend and DM - DM was swimming lengths (Olympic sized pool) us kids were swimming normally. Me and DB were/are strong swimmers, my DB was having diving lessons. The DC of family friend (about 2-3 years older than me, approx 16, I was 14, DB was 12) decided to 'drop' us by the shoulders into the water from the edge - yes stupid but a 'game'. Went fine for a while then back DB's head smacked against the edge of the pool on going in and he went underwater and almost drowned. My DM who had finished lengths nearby was just out of the water, luckily dived in, saved him etc... Lifeguard barely aware, did nothing or didn't see..., DM put a complaint into the sports centre afterwards. DB was unconscious (but regained after a day) and had stitches. Luckily DB was ok but naturally scared of the water for years later.

So lifeguards aren't always the most aware/brilliantly trained etc!

DP grew up near the sea, so we go back most years. Without exception, every single time we've been down, we've seen local kids, aged around 14, tombstoning. He cringes every single time, as he saw several friends get into severe trouble/needing to be rescued and the local rag usually has at least one report of somebody ending up dead or very broken from that precise spot. The local coastguard spends 90% of their patrol time telling teenagers to stop it. DP had no problem about some messing around in water - his actual village has a weirpool specifically set up so that kids can swim in it safely - but he just doesn't trust teenagers actually in the sea.

After about 15 or so, most people have more sense (unless they're male and have been drinking). So he's in the riskiest age group.

i would be more worried about them jumping in to the sea inappropriately, and that is more likely what they will be doing.
just reiterate that it needs to be deep enough to jump in and no going in head first

and getting cut off from the tide, they need to be aware of tide times

Is he a strong swimmer and is he in good health? Ask him to stay in depth etc

Yes well I'm not a bad swimmer and quite a tall as well but one day almost came to greif when just went that bit too far out and thought i could just stand up for a rest and was alarmed to discover then there was a very steep shelf as it were where the shallow bottom went down like a stone was very hard pressed to make it back.

If it were my child unless it was very shallow and no rip currents anywhere then insist on a life guard around!.

I live in N Wales never seen a lifeguard, yes we have RNLI boats but no beach cover. Oh just checked we have one in Rhyl and one in Prestatyn, so I guess anyone west of that is on their own. Despite the fact that most tourism is west of Rhyl. Llandudno, Anglesey. Abersoch, Pwllheli.

I guess they cannot afford it with the 182 million they made last year. Rolls eyes...

No, I'd want there to be lifeguards there, or failing that, he'd be supervised by me.

As an experienced surfer I know that riptides can occur anywhere. They can catch out even strong swimmers, unless they're well-versed in exactly what to do if they're unfortunate enough to be caught in one - not least how to avoid them in the first place.

YANBU.

justasking111 are you accusing the RNLI of being money-grabbing? Seriously?

Show him this so he understands what a rip current is and how to escape it.

I learnt about it when group of young men got swept out to sea and drowned a few years ago off the coast in the UK.

Oh yes, someone else mentioned jumping off rocks.

Obvious danger there is underwater rocks that can cause serious injury such as broken neck or back, or even death. Also that you can't easily get out of wherever you jump into.

To be avoided if at all possible unless you are very sure where the underwater rocks are and where to get out.

I have just spoken to him and he has said they promise they will be between the flags he has also said all he wants to do is mess around in the water and not actually swim so won't be out of his depth.

I can only trust him I guess (and maybe do a drive by lol).

I was at the beach when a body washed up of a 19 yo who had dived off the pier. It was awful, it turned out he wasn't actually dead but he was unconscious and paralysed. It is not the only time it has happened and several campaigns have gone out about it in our area. I would be hugely surprised if DS ever did this.

Being a strong swimmer is not the risk mitigation many assume it is. Statistically, roughly two thirds of drowning victims in the US considered themselves to be strong swimmers and these stats don't tend to vary much year on year, nor are they peculiar to the US. Whilst it seems not to make sense at first, strong swimmers are less risk averse than less confident swimmers. The sea is also a very different environment from the pool - there are rip currents, sudden changes in depth, water cold enough that involuntary gasping and muscle failure are a very real concern and hazards such as rocks and debris.

I'm fairly liberal when it comes to my kids but I would not be happy about them swimming in the sea at 14/15 without adult supervision.

Doesnt matter if hes a strong swimmer but if you trust him not to go deep not alot you can do to stop him

We only lost one child off our beach last year we have lost up to five in a year, so respect of the sea is so important.

Friends and family work with the RNLI it can be harrowing. Especially bad when the bodies are never found despite intensive searches.

We swam in rivers at that age but it was pretty common here for tragedy to happen.

I swim in the sea quite a lot but only in areas where it’s safe to do so (shallow areas and where there are life guards), I would be worried letting a child swim with no life guards around. Also if the area is known for strong currents/ rip tides it would be a no. I almost lost dd2 in a rip tide down Cornwall and I almost got dragged out trying to pull her out. I am a paddleboarder and rarely paddleboard in open sea, I stick to harbours or areas where there are lifeguards.

We too live near the beach.My son who is now in his twenties would go off for the day with his mates and I only found out later on that they were on an inflatable !.Our beach which is popular with tourists (South Coast holiday resort) has the helicopter flying overhead and there are lifeguards and lots of people about.However I would feel the same as you TBH .The problem is if you say No, then he will probably do it anyway!.If there are lifeguards and people about then best to stick to that area really .Just say you are not trying to frighten him but letting him know the dangers ,tell him you are happy for the lifeguard area only.

Just an idea;?

My daughters were encouraged from a young age to join the St John ambulance and over time they have between them most probally saved a few lives or made the outcome of some incidents better.

However one very good side effect is that by seeing what happened to those who did overdoies or take the bad drugs they have to the best of my knowlege ever touched drugs apart from the odd bit of booze.

Just wonder if theres a sort of voluntery life saving or lifeguarding society he coudl join where you live?. Might be good for him to have a bit more knowlege of what can go wrong if you take adverse risks?

Apart from having a very usefull lifesaving function like the RNLI ?..

I grew up at the beach and swimming in the sea with friends by early teens. Taught from a very young age always to stay in my depth and away from the rocky part of the coast. Wade out and swim back. It depends a lot on the beach whether it is safeish or not as much as the swimmers. If you are happy with your DS swimming with you watching from a distance at the same area he is going to then you trust he knows how to stay safe? If not then no amount of "rules" would be enough to keep him safe in a group of high spirited comrades.

That said I would also be very very wary of letting any adult other than me supervise my DC at the beach - because I grew up at the beach I used to take for granted that people knew how to be safe but ime this is generally not the case.

We have had a good chat about it all, he seems to understand. I think I can trust him, he said he was sorry for being upset, he just didn't want to be the only one not swimming, which I do understand, but he seems happy with the compromise.

Lets hope he can be trusted . . .

The RNLI run the 'Swimsafe' programme rnli.org/safety/swim-safe which teaches young people about safe open water swimming (rather than in a pool). There might be a session in your area? They're free to attend.

Bit late for this time op but might be worth seeing if there is one of these near you for your DS (he is just young enough)? swimsafe.org.uk/ Should give you piece of mind and him some tips on what to do if gets into trouble.

Great minds fuckweasel

thanks both, I will definitely look into that as it would be a great idea for him