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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - swimming in the seas?

101 replies

Glitterfisher · 22/07/2019 11:47

We live near the sea, DS age 13.5 (Y8) wants to go to the beach with his friends today, they are all Y9s. I have said that's fine and he can go and chill etc with them but not to be swimming in the sea as there are no adults there. Obviously living near the sea all my life I am fully aware of the dangers of sea swimming and have seen a few fatal incidents over the years, all strong swimmers, mostly adults.

AIBU in saying this, he is now really upset and said it is unfair and ridiculous that he can't swim.

TIA

OP posts:
hadthesnip2 · 22/07/2019 15:24

Only read the first page & by good we are raising a load of namby namby kids it seems.

Let him enjoy his teenage years with his mates. He can swim fgs . Stop trying to police everything your kids do.

taylorowmu · 22/07/2019 15:27

Only read the first page & by good we are raising a load of namby namby kids it seems.

Let him enjoy his teenage years with his mates. He can swim fgs . Stop trying to police everything your kids do.

Written by someone who clearly has no idea how dangerous the sea can be.

Ihaventgottimeforthis · 22/07/2019 15:54

hadthesnip2 perhaps watch a bit of Saving Lives at Sea and figure out what happens to children who aren't namby pandyed (or as I call it, given basic safety advice and behavioural boundaries to try to minimise risks to their personal safety.)

ysmaem · 22/07/2019 15:56

He's at an age now where he might just go against your ruling and just go in the sea anyways. I think it would be best to tell him about the dangers and how to keep himself safe in sea and the consequences if he does go to far out etc.

OutrageousFlavourLikeFreesias · 22/07/2019 16:05

Is this Perranporth by any chance? Because if it is I completely get why you're concerned. I'd say only swimming within sight of the lifeguards, and that I'd expect a local kid to know why. Hope he listens to you, and has a great day.

Senac32 · 22/07/2019 16:11

The next few days are forecast to be very warm, so the risks will be higher.
Then there's the summer holidays .......
Yours is a timely warning Glitterfisher.

Coyoacan · 22/07/2019 16:25

Well done, OP, for taking the advice here on board.

As they start to reach adulthood, instead of us being able to foresee and protect them from every risk, we have to gradually teach them how to do their own risk assessment.

ForalltheSaints · 22/07/2019 16:56

Hope it all is OK and your concern OP shows your love for your DS.

OneOfTheGrundys · 22/07/2019 17:26

I’m a secondary teacher in a coastal area and every year with my form in the last week of summer term we go through the RLSS website materials. They are excellent, very comprehensive and show details and film of people going into cold water shock etc. With us I know my DS would be sensible. But with friends, he’s always more gung-ho.

MrsIronfoundersson · 22/07/2019 18:41

I grew up by the sea with lots of kids swimming in a safe area, but we all got put through lifesaving courses when we were 11/12/13 - How to spot a rip tide, what to do, first aid, who to call, etc. I have now passed that on to my kids ... respect the sea! It can be dangerous and I cannot emphasise how much you need to take care. It needs a really serious conversation.

Original poster
Glitterfisher · 22/07/2019 23:06

Thank you so much for all the great advice you have all taken the time to put on here, its been so helpful. I am not even sure how to respond to the one ridiculous comment, how they took that I police everything he does from me asking just one question is beyond me, another keyboard warrier I guess. I do hope that if you allow your DCs in the sea alone you ensure they are properly equipped, being able to swim and swimming in the sea are 2 very different things. I wouldn't have even asked the question if it was a normal indoor swimming pool.

He had a great time, they all just had a bit of a paddle really, didn't leave the beach till 9pm and all was good. No real need to worry but it was good to have the discussion with him as he'll understand next time also.

I still believe I am right to be concerned, I think that part of it pretty much everyone agrees with but I definitely feel it was right to compromise with it.

OP posts:
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 23/07/2019 12:57

There are quite a few surf lifesaving clubs around the coast, it's a great sport, keeps young people fit and active and saves lives in the process.
Highly recommend it.

www.slsgb.org.uk/clubs/find-club/

Original poster
Glitterfisher · 25/07/2019 18:50

Just an update, mainly to warn those on here who underestimate the dangers of the sea. This week I have heard of 2 incidents already one involving 2 teens and the other a parent and children. All had to be rescued due to being dragged out by the current. These are just the ones I have heard of as were serious by the time they were saved. The rescuers are also putting their lives at risk, a few years back one lost their life saving some children.

DS has been to the beach every day but they have been waist deep and the most and the area they are at has life guards. He said he friends have all been sensible and says he understands my worries. I really do hope so.

OP posts:
mamapants · 25/07/2019 18:57

Wow I didn't realise so many beaches had life guards I have never been on a single beach manned by lifeguards in the UK.

LolaSmiles · 25/07/2019 19:01

I'm Glad you had good advice and have acted on it OP.

The sea can be very dangerous. I do think it's better to teach responsible sea safety than to say teens can't go in the water. Most sensible teens will follow that guidance. As for the idiots? They're the ones jumping off piers and ignoring safety signs.

Zoombabyzoom · 25/07/2019 19:16

Parents wouldn’t have been consulted back
In the day. We did things that my mum would have had nightmares about!

Original poster
Glitterfisher · 25/07/2019 19:29

One incident was teens in a place that is notoriously difficult to swim in, no where near the life guards or even the main beach. The other incident was again outside of the lifeguard section but in a spot where many people do swim.

I am glad I had good advice and was able to talk to him about it but yes many teens when I was younger did whatever they wanted behind parents backs. I was lucky I could talk to mine (I wasn't an angel by any means but didn't really lie to them)

I must say, I assumed the big seaside resorts all had lifeguards, I have been to Weymouth, Brighton, Southsea and others in the South and they all have lifeguards.

OP posts:
Nacreous · 25/07/2019 19:43

I consider myself a strong swimmer and had a very very scary sea experience. Primarily due to trusting someone else's knowledge about the coast instead of checking a map myself.

We were 19, and we were all strong swimmers. We decided to swim across a bay, we thought it was about 500m. The others were much taller than me so they were walking and standing and chatting while I tried water alongside them and chatted too. We set off, and just over half way across I was totally exhausted. My friend offered to tow me, and did for a few strokes but I could see he was rapidly becoming exhausted too. I managed to get my shit together and stop panicking and force myself to keep swimming. As I swam I could see we were getting pulled further and further out to sea. So I switched to front crawl and used the last of my energy to up my pace and get to the other side, before we got swept far enough that we didn't have beach to land on any more, only cliffs.

I insisted we walk back, but in the end we had to swim, because it wasn't a bay (as my friend had thought) but rather an estuary... We crossed back at a much much narrower point but it was still not what I needed after such a scare.

I checked the map when we got home and the 500m estimate was wildly wildly out. It was in fact more than 2 kilometres.

It was stupid and it is not something I will ever do again. But I still go in the sea and I still enjoy it. I just stay much much closer to shore now.

Nacreous · 25/07/2019 19:44

(Sorry, the point of that long tale was a) age doesn't stop stupid b) know your coastline and don't trust others to know it for you and c) don't swim a long way from the shore

mamapants · 25/07/2019 19:45

That's interesting glitter I've just looked up lifeguards in UK I guess it varies a lot by region. The nearest lifeguard patrolled beach to me is an hour a way and isn't even a nice one, I have loads of much nicer beaches near me so just haven't come across lifeguards. I've been on beaches in Yorkshire, gower, Pembroke, Scottish coast and Northumberland and can't remember seeing lifeguards at any of them.

Mollieben1 · 25/07/2019 20:15

We are in Cornwall at the moment and all the beaches we have been to have lifeguards. This is on the north coast where the sea can be very dangerous

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 25/07/2019 20:31

It will vary by region but also by the type of beach you tend to go to and when you usually go. I could see how you might easily never see lifeguards if you don't tend to go to the busier beaches at popular times.
Plus I think this is something the RNLI has expanded over the last decade or so?

Original poster
Glitterfisher · 25/07/2019 21:28

rnli.org/find-my-nearest/lifeguarded-beaches

I think it must have been Bournemouth not Brighton beach we were on as can't see Brighton on this list. I guess when you live in a seaside town you are more aware of where the lifeguards are and where the dangerous parts are so may not notice if you go somewhere for the day. I guess we think about the flags etc more as it's something we point out to the kids when we are at the beach.

It sounds as if I have more to worry about than the sea, most of the reports today are about violent 'youths' terrorising people down at the seafront. It's awful, literally no where is safe.

OP posts:
Surfskatefamily · 25/07/2019 21:41

I don't know whereyou are but I'm Cornwall and there's a bit of swell around so is rippy. Id say lifeguard area only. Unless it's flat where you are as the currents are pretty much none existent with no swell

Surfskatefamily · 25/07/2019 21:43

Can you teach him sea safety? or put him on a course. To a point that you're happy for him to make this call himself. Hes older now and will likely do it anyway soon if you say no

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