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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dh dominating communal areas?

82 replies

siberianwinter · 22/07/2019 08:24

It’s really starting to piss me off.

He watches a lot of TV. I’m also starting to wonder if he has a hearing problem because the TV is on so loud when he watches it it’s actually quite uncomfortable. This means I’m consigned to the bedroom. I was stuck in the bedroom from about 730 last night through to this morning when he left for work Hmm

Probably just venting here - I’m not bu or am I?

OP posts:
user1471517900 · 22/07/2019 08:26

You can try talking to him

HennyPennyHorror · 22/07/2019 08:27

I'm quite deaf so use headphones in communal areas.

Original poster
siberianwinter · 22/07/2019 08:27

Yeah I have ... he gets a bit huffy and says he’ll watch it on his laptop but he can’t because the volume he has it on would wake the children.

OP posts:
bobo26 · 22/07/2019 08:28

Maybe sit with him and watch something on your phone/laptop?

unlimiteddilutingjuice · 22/07/2019 08:28

Could he get headphones for the laptop?

CherryPavlova · 22/07/2019 08:30

Can you not agree what you’ll watch together?
Get his hearing tested.
Talk about a shared activity, perhaps?

Original poster
siberianwinter · 22/07/2019 08:31

He doesn’t really like headphones ... I don’t know what I’m asking really. Maybe it’s more that we live separate lives. I’m just really not enjoying being trapped upstairs all evening and all night. My back is hurting from lying down.

OP posts:
LenoVentura · 22/07/2019 08:32

this was how we discovered my DM's otoscelerosis -she had the tv on unbearably loud, my DF worked away and we were kids so couldn't do anything about it. When DF came home on leave he was WTF and made her go to the GP. She had 80% hearing loss in one ear, 20% in the other. She now has a hearing aid.
Maybe approach your DH in a concerned rather than irritated manner and see if he'll get a test? How old is he? DM was in her 30s.

RB68 · 22/07/2019 08:32

Get him to get his hearing tested and his ers checked for wax etc. My Hubby does thi stoo though so I get where you are coming from. Whe he is awy the TV doesn't go on for days at a time as I am so used to not being able to sit in the lounge unless its a shared interest programme (there are a few and actually if I go and sit in thre he will look for something we can both enjoy). With regard to loudness, I find DH just doesn't realise and if I say can you knock it down a bit its too loud upstairs he does and its fine in the eve as you don't need it on so loud as there is less household noise etc

Original poster
siberianwinter · 22/07/2019 08:33

I’ve mentioned it but he doesn’t seem to struggle hearing anybody in day to day life. He just seems to like the telly on loud!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 22/07/2019 08:35

Have you spoken to him directly about it? That you don't want to spend every night in your bedroom alone like a moody teenager?
So either you watch a show together (subtitles?) or you alternate who gets the telly each night or you turn it off and do something else?
Honestly if he refuses I'd be questioning my future with someone who doesn't want to spend any tome with me and doesn't care in unhappy

Fizzypoo · 22/07/2019 08:35

Have you spoke to him about feeling shit because you're living separate lives?

FudgeBrownie2019 · 22/07/2019 08:38

He doesn’t really like headphones

Why do his needs and likes trump yours? So he doesn't like headphones? You don't like being consigned to your bedroom for 12 hours out of every 24. Tell him and call him out on his selfishness; either he watches his shows via headphones or he doesn't watch tv.

Fatted · 22/07/2019 08:40

Get a second remote for the telly and turn it down yourself.

Even better when you do it from another room 😁

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 22/07/2019 08:46

Yanbu to feel a bit fed up with the situation.

Yabu not to sort it out, unless there is something you've not told us and it a 'his house, his rules' situation.

Have you tried a 'Dave, you can her the TV from outside, turn it down before the neighbours moan'. Or a 'theres something I want to watch tonight and you've had the tv the last few days'. Or a 'can we try having a few tv free days this week, I really enjoyed our holiday without it because I felt we talked a lot more / I miss spending time with you without distractions'

Original poster
siberianwinter · 22/07/2019 08:46

The thing is there’s a few things to this.

He does suggest we watch something together and then vetos every suggestion I make. This is partly my fault: I don’t seem to have the attention span needed to sit through a Film!

We both quite like horror but having it on all the time does start to be depressing and also he likes a lot of gangster violent shit. You can imagine what that’s like when it’s LOUD.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 22/07/2019 08:52

DH has the tv on v loud. I just turn it down. Can you do that and then maybe read a book or magazine while he watches tv? Do you go out at all?

pictish · 22/07/2019 08:53

Sounds dreadful. I don’t know what, if anything, you can do. I have known people who have to have LOUD TELLY on all the time, it’s not uncommon.
It wouldn’t be compatible with me and would most likely do my head in very quickly. I understand why this impacts on you. I haven’t got an answer I’m afraid. My dh doesn’t watch tv so I haven’t had this to deal with.

TheHandsOfNeilBuchanan · 22/07/2019 08:53

DH likes the TV loud, I just say DH can you turn that down please it's intrusively loud/I'm trying to read/DS is in bed. He does. I think my DH needs to have his ears syringed (too many loud gigs) but that's another thing. There are also things we watch together, so I will watch weekly coverage of a sport he lives and he's currently watching love Island with me (oh the MN shame). I could live without the sport and he could live without LI but it's about compromise. There are one or two programmes we watch together, but we do have different tastes so sometimes one will be watching something and the other reads, is online etc in the same room. This is how most couples operate.

Zaphodsotherhead · 22/07/2019 08:54

It sounds a bit like you are fundamentally incompatible, or you are looking for reasons to leave him.

Are there a lot of other things he does that you find it hard to live with? And why are you having to lie down in your bedroom - can't you do stuff in the rest of the house without having to watch the TV (you could always wear noise-cancelling headphones yourself, but I think him turning the TV up really loud must be annoying the neighbours too - is it a passive aggressive move on his part?).

Original poster
siberianwinter · 22/07/2019 08:56

Wtf? Leave him? Confused

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 22/07/2019 09:00

Wtf? Leave him? Well you're going to have to do something!!

You say you are leading separate lives, that you hide in your bedroom, that he dismisses your perspective, ignores your issues> What else do you expect posters to say? From out here he seems to be an absolute pain in the arse, a selfish man child.

What do you want to happen?

Original poster
siberianwinter · 22/07/2019 09:05

We have two toddlers.

At no point have I mentioned the possibility of ending the marriage but someone has jumped to me ‘looking for excuses to leave him’ which is why I was surprised.

OP posts:
Neverbeensocross · 22/07/2019 09:07

I could have written your post! DH only enjoys shows where lots of death and violence occur- so regularly goes to our bedroom to watch these. He has installed a better TV up there, to allow him to play his age inappropriate Xbox games, away from our children.
I frequently get left abanndonned downstairs, unable to go to bed should I choose not to watch his violence fest viewing, only to fall asleep on the sofa till 4 am. If we watch anything together, he gets bored and goes to bed anyway. not sure I know of a good solution!!!

Alsohuman · 22/07/2019 09:08

The answer to everything on MN is LTB. Have you not realised that?

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