About dh dominating communal areas?

[siberianwinter]

It’s really starting to piss me off.

He watches a lot of TV. I’m also starting to wonder if he has a hearing problem because the TV is on so loud when he watches it it’s actually quite uncomfortable. This means I’m consigned to the bedroom. I was stuck in the bedroom from about 730 last night through to this morning when he left for work

Probably just venting here - I’m not bu or am I?

Never yeah I hear you!

Well, in fairness to the people who've suggested ending your marriage, it does sound as if you spend very little time together, he has no interest in your needs, or in why you are spending days at a time in another part of the house while he and his deafening TV habit dominate the living space, and you seem to feel unable to tackle him about it...? It doesn't sound great.

Zaphodsotherhead
or you are looking for reasons to leave him.

Hahaha ladies, don't object to being confined to your room for twelve hours a day, you're just looking for reasons to end your marriage 😜

Maybe it isn’t great book but there’s grey space between not great and LTB where very young kids are involved!

DH and I have HAD to compromise. I would sit plugged into my laptop for HOURS but he likes to talk to me/watch something together.

He spoke VERY plainly to me and I realised I was being selfish.

So what are you going to do?

Sorry, @siberianwinter, I didn't in the least mean to make you feel worse -- as snapshots go, it just sounds quite dysfunctional, the picture of you spending all the time that he is not at work in your bedroom alone, especially when presumably having a pair of very small children means you are running frazzled all day.

Why are you upstairs all the time? How did that even start happening? I genuinely can't imagine this.... you've spent the whole evening and morning upstairs.

Surely you watch things you both want to watch, or do something other than watching TV, and entertain yourself with your phone/book/whatever on occasions when your partner wants to watch something you're not particularly interested in?

It seems oddly selfish to just focus on entertaining yourself and excluding everyone else, and oddly offensive and hurtful to spend hours and hours by yourself in a different room to your partner... I genuinely can't get my head around how that has become normal.

Why are you settling for being confined to your bedroom? You need a grown up conversation where you explain how you're feeling, and suggest some middle ground. Why should he get to hog everything all the time?

twelve ffs it’s not even an hour since posting

anchor I’ve explained all that

My DH mostly only watches sport and I usually get to watch what I want but when he does, it is always so loud! He does regularly need his ears syringing and always leaves it longer than he should but also I think it stays at about the same level most of the time but the commentators are so loud and screaming all the time! It seems this is a man thing though, I don't know why, I think headphones are the answer whether he likes it or not.

We always sit in the same room at night, but I tend to read or use my laptop/do work, while DH watches TV. Our compromise was getting a soundbox that has a "night" setting for volume so it eliminates the bass and loud noises whilst making voices easier to hear. It's been a sanity saver to be honest. And DH often puts his headphones on if it's something like The Walking Dead as I hate the sound effects

There is always a compromise somewhere. You just need to sit down and explain that it's making you feel unhappy.

Could you not have a compromise where he has his choice 2 nights a week, you 2 nights and the rest you find some common ground? Maybe TV off sometimes and you actually talk to each other! Do you have friends you could go out with sometimes or maybe take up a hobby in the evenings or join a group?

Also - show him this thread. HIBU

What outcome do you want from this?

This is the compromise.

You take it in turns to choose what to watch.

You have the remote and are in charge of the volume. If he says he can't hear, you tell him to get his hearing checked.

This is the solution.

You talk to each other.

You said you lead separate lives. This isn't about the TV volume.

Maybe it’s more that we live separate lives

Maybe it’s more that we live separate lives.

Most probably, seeing as you call your living room in a house you share with your husband, a 'communal area'. I thought this was going to about you and your DH living in a house share with other people.

I am confused that nobody has pointed out that you aren’t confined to your bedroom or trapped. Pick up the remote and turn the TV off or right down. Yes, he will moan, but if he is in any way a reasonable person (and since you don’t want to discuss ending the marriage, I can only assume he’s not that bad) he will understand that he can’t dictate to you that the TV goes on loudly all the time.

Well guess what eliza

It isn’t

Do you feel really smart and cool now

Aggressive.

Do you have the ability to create a man cave anywhere?...literally saved my marriage as even though we love each other we like to watch different things and I love reading and he plays video games. We inherited a summer house in the garden when we moved in to the house and he goes in there a couple of nights a week. I get to relax in the front room and read or watch TV and knit and he gets to play stupid games without us annoying each other lol.

Just to point at that until 7pm it is family time, so we always play a game with the kids, or watch a little film all together, then we do the bedtime routine together.

Having different interests doesn't mean you shouldn't be together, you just need to work together to reach a compromise. He becomes unreasonable when he is not prepared to do this.

Yeah well sorry - I feel quite aggressive when I’m spoken to like shit.

Nobody spoke to you like shit, OP.