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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About dh dominating communal areas?

82 replies

siberianwinter · 22/07/2019 08:24

It’s really starting to piss me off.

He watches a lot of TV. I’m also starting to wonder if he has a hearing problem because the TV is on so loud when he watches it it’s actually quite uncomfortable. This means I’m consigned to the bedroom. I was stuck in the bedroom from about 730 last night through to this morning when he left for work Hmm

Probably just venting here - I’m not bu or am I?

OP posts:
Original poster
siberianwinter · 22/07/2019 09:37

Re read faires post but whatever I’m out

OP posts:
DarlingNikita · 22/07/2019 09:38

I don't get why you always just go and sit in the bedroom. As someone else has said, you could pick up the remote and turn the telly off/down. Surely that would start a conversation about it?

DarlingNikita · 22/07/2019 09:38

OP, Faire's post wasn't aggressive.

Swellerellamoo · 22/07/2019 09:39

I think we're all a bit tired of these arsey responses.

Your dh sounds selfish and you sound angry and miserable.

Don't post on the internet if you don't want to get responses you don't like.

Hth.

Gillian1980 · 22/07/2019 09:39

My DH puts the tv on painfully loud sometimes. He is partially deaf but won’t wear his hearing aids. HOWEVER, he knows he is being unreasonable and will turn in down if me and/or dc are in the room.

I’m the polar opposite and have a sensory processing issue that means I struggle with loud noises. Great combo!

DH finds that it’s people speaking on tv that he struggles with so turns it up massively loud for that but then any music or sound effects are deafening. So he’s gone into the tv settings and adjusted then to turn speech up and background noise down (no idea how he did that!).

We also watch with subtitles sometimes which is helpful.

Might be worth exploring which bit he’s struggling to hear?

MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/07/2019 09:40

Blimey OP! why the over the top aggression to posters? Confused

RLOU30 · 22/07/2019 09:40

Faire's post wasn't aggressive? And as for getting your back up about being pulled up on your use of "communal areas" it is bloody weird you refer to the home of your DH and DC as communal 🤷🏻‍♀️

InvisibleHamster · 22/07/2019 09:41

Do you have any other rooms? My husband watches TV on his own sometimes and I go on my computer at the other end of the room. If it's loud video games he uses headphones. I can't think I'd ever go upstairs and we have a small house.

Find stuff to watch together (ok not films, does he like stranger things or anything), say you need some nights to watch stuff, get headphones, insist volume must be lower, read a book, go for a run. Loads of options.

Feelslikecrystal · 22/07/2019 09:43

You could ask him to lower the volume & put subtitles on.

Fairenuff · 22/07/2019 09:44

The problem is that it’s on at earth shattering levels and also that I have to be quiet for the duration of it.

The problem is that you won't tell him to turn it down or talk to him about it.

It's obviously what you need to do but you refuse to so I don't see how anyone here can help you.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 22/07/2019 09:46

siberian you're angry with the wrong person.

I get it, it's easier to snarl at strangers through the internet but, 9.32 on a Monday morning or not, that's when you posted, that's when you asked for opinions.

And yes, we will ask what it is you want to happen... as you can't do anything other than continue exactly as you are until you know what it is you want out of your life partnership.

And staying because of the kids is is one way to trap yourself forever in a miserable relationship. You may see it differently if you consider all of your options 'out loud'.

What you have read as posters being nasty are posters pointing out inconvenient truths, based only on information you have provided.

I hope you work it out!

PixieLumos · 22/07/2019 09:46

I agree with your concerns about living separate lives OP - spending all day in the same house but in separate rooms is not a good sign. Sounds like you’ve got bigger issues to deal with than the volume of the tv.

Eliza9919 · 22/07/2019 09:46

The problem is that it’s on at earth shattering levels and also that I have to be quiet for the duration of it.

Why do you have to be quiet? What does he say?

What does he say if you ask him to turn it down?

sackrifice · 22/07/2019 09:48

Yeah well sorry - I feel quite aggressive when I’m spoken to like shit

Perhaps go to your room and think on it?

It's not the responses that are the problem, it is the fact that you are married to a dominator.

theWarOnPeace · 22/07/2019 09:49

Turn your fury towards your ‘D’P why don’t you? Or have a conversation about your feelings. Nobody can help you here.

Strawberrymush · 22/07/2019 09:53

No advice sorry but mine does the same. He's quite an inconsiderate person in general though. His parents are the same, I get a headache at theirs!

BearRabbitPants · 22/07/2019 10:01

My DH is very hard of hearing - worked on noisy building sites all his life with out using ear protection because he's a stupid idiot and likes the TV up loud. He also watches all the soaps, shit like BGT, love island etc, I don't.
So !!

  1. I tell him to turn the TV down (and because he's not a knob , he does.
  2. We have certain programmes we record and watch together (think American series ie. blacklist etc) so I suggest a few evenings a week we binge watch these and
  3. The evenings he watches his soaps etc I read, Mumsnet, fb, catch up on ironing, etc.

Unless I'm desperate to watch something myself that can't be recorded & watched later because of social media spoilers (The Walking Dead!!!) I'm never "confined" to our bedroom. Perhaps you need to be a bit more stem and tell him how you are feeling. It's not fair he hogs the TV & your rejected to the bedroom every night

MarianaMoatedGrange · 22/07/2019 10:03

It certainly does sound like a dominance thing. I listen to music at loud levels, but through headphones. No one else needs or wants to hear 70s Led Zeppelin Grin

Imaysnapandfart · 22/07/2019 10:08

Well that escalated fast... Hmm

Juells · 22/07/2019 10:10

Well that escalated fast...

There's a gif for that 😄

About dh dominating communal areas?
BearRabbitPants · 22/07/2019 10:10

Oh and the 'I have to be quiet for the duration' ... yeah DH has tried this a couple of times and I can tell you now I tore him a new arse hole over it. No one dictates to me when I can and cannot speak in my own home- ever. If a programme is that fucking important he can bloody well pause it!!

letsdolunch321 · 22/07/2019 10:17

When the volume is too loud in our house, I turn it to a suitable volume then put subtitles on ...... DP has been told get your ears sorted.

Imaysnapandfart · 22/07/2019 10:29

@Juells thank you! I knew there was one somewhere Grin

FamilyOfAliens · 22/07/2019 10:31

Perhaps you could wear noise-cancelling headphones, OP?

Then your DH could carry on being selfish, you could both carry on “living separate lives” and the world would keep turning.

Win-win Smile

Vesperia · 22/07/2019 10:31

so to be unsympathetic but going to bed at 7.30 & watching tv upstairs all comfy is pretty much my favourite thing to do

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