That I am a prisoner to my child

[Golferdude]

I have a child who is experiencing separation anxiety and it’s escalating.he is 9 years of age . I feel like a prisoner in my
Life. He follows me until I distract or lead him into a different t situation. I cannot go out to a club/ meeting / dinner unless my husband is home. So one of us has to be with him at all times outside of school or some part of an activity or else he will not stop crying . Is there any hope for is. What can we do. No psychology or psychiatry services available on my area. Please help me.

Play therapy is an avenue you might like to explore.

If private services are available where you are, then please pull out all the stops and don't bother with waiting lists for public services.

Overall I think you need to find a pediatrician and get a diagnosis, if even to eliminate various possibilities.

Ask for a long appointment (an hour?) with this year's teacher and see if teachers from years past could talk with you too. Before the appointment, tell them your concerns and ask them if at all possible to note concerns they may have, incidents, conversations with DS, patterns they observe between making the appointment and the date itself, plus any previous things they have noticed. This will make the meeting more productive.

I'm glad a PP mentioned PANS/PANDA because that seemed a possibility to me too.
I have an anxious DC and around age 9, it definitely escalated. They developed separation anxiety and disturbed sleep. There were lots of tears. There were triggers - a move, a bereavement, issues at school.Dealing with the issues helped with some of the anxiety. The DC's consultant though hormones were responsible too. We prioritised DS, didn't create flashpoints and gradually the separation anxiety has receded.

I have a DD with anxiety now aged 12 and some of this sounds familiar to me, though she never tantrummed just cried absolutely heartrending sobs if I had to leave her.

Some things from our experience...

1. In her case it was set off by someone we knew dying when she was 7. Previous to this event, she'd been clingy but within the range of normal. After this, she became anxious about what seemed like absolutely everything - wars, slavery, death, poverty, ME DYING, scary equipment at the playground, dogs, spiders, poisonous plants, ME DYING, wearing the wrong clothes for the weather, having a handkerchief in her pocket at all times, whether she'd like the food in a restaurant, ME DYING, school, books she was reading, ME DYING, ME DYING, ME DYING.

2. We were helped by our GP who referred us to CAMHS (school was completely useless) and she had art therapy via them, which I see you have mentioned, OP, and would recommend.

3. The therapist she saw said that the earlier you get help the better as otherwise behaviour can become a habit that gets entrenched. The later you leave it, the harder it is to sort out.

4. She is now 12 and still quite anxious as a person but five billion times better than she used to be. We still have the odd episode where she goes a bit nuts but she is definitely within the range of normal now.

She's not autistic but she is an overthinker who likes to be in control. Liking to be in control is not necessarily the same as controlling. Liking to be in control is a really normal response to anxiety and anxiety is often alleviated by allowing control as much as possible where this doesn't impact too much on your own life. With DD in control she was able to choose to be in situations that she perceived as risky and find out that they were not as bad as she had thought.

In short, I think an art therapist is a great idea and you should look for this in your local area and maybe try more than one to find someone your child is comfortable with. You should do this as soon as you can.

Thanks so much everybody

Is he being bullied?

No

Should add that as well as encouraging our dd to sit with her worry we also got her support from CAMHS and that helped her also. The group therapy she had reinforced everything we had been saying to her/encouraging her to do, but it was good to hear it from someone else. Also she felt happy as she knew all the answers and felt “top of the class”. I think 8/9 is the first hormone surge so these underlying anxieties take more of a front seat.

Agree with PP about discussing recent films etc. One assembly or a snatch of a radio report could send our dd into a worry spin. She watched Frozen and was utterly convinced that all ships sink and anyone who went on one would die - that from a one minute portion of the film when Elsa’s parents travel and don’t return. It might be something as seemingly innocuous as that.

I think you've already had a lot of good advice.

My son is similar, he's 10 and this has been going on since August. He seems to be coming out of it and it was the app Headspace that seems to have helped. He listens to it at bedtime to help with his anxiety.
I've tried over and over again to get him help from CAMS and to get referrals from school but both keep passing us back to the other. It's frustrating us to the point of giving up. We know it started when his best friend and favourite teacher both moved away at the same time. He suddenly realised that people you love can just disappear and this terrified him.

I really hope things improve soon.