That I am a prisoner to my child

[Golferdude]

I have a child who is experiencing separation anxiety and it’s escalating.he is 9 years of age . I feel like a prisoner in my
Life. He follows me until I distract or lead him into a different t situation. I cannot go out to a club/ meeting / dinner unless my husband is home. So one of us has to be with him at all times outside of school or some part of an activity or else he will not stop crying . Is there any hope for is. What can we do. No psychology or psychiatry services available on my area. Please help me.

Himself by being bossy and angry if he doesn’t get his own way. One of his teachers said he can be quite needy
Have you considered the hysterics are a controlling behaviour? What the school have said seems to suggest he’s using his emotions to get what he wants.
If he’s 9 he is capable of being rational and understanding you’ll be back. Have you ever tried stopping the following about and questioning at home? Is sounds like everything goes his way, could you try setting boundaries and saying no?

I have wondered this @bookworm4. He gets angry if he doesn’t get his own way . He gets angry if he loses. He calms down immediately if he gets his own way and this also extends to one of us returning to him when he is hysterical . I tried rescue remedy with him as advised by a homeopath . I gave him a few sprays and left it with my elder daughter . When I asked him if he took the spray, he said ‘ no, I didn’t want to calm down , I just wanted you home ‘ thoughts?

I just wonder if they'd fought or she's said something to set him off - if that's not likely then it' back to his anxiety levels being out of the normal range and seeking outside help with that.

If he's happy being left with your sister or baby sitter might be worth trying to build up small regular absences but if he's upset, crying and anxious during it that could well make it all worse.

So best bet seek some more expert support out and see what they suggest.

It may be severe anxiety. Worth talking to a doctor see if he needs some support to control it.

The Explosive Child: might be worth a look to see if there are any approaches you haven't tried in it.

I think in light of your update I’d be taking anxiety/SA off the table, this seems more like manipulative behaviour, finding strategies to deal with it and perhaps consequences for his behaviour. It’s worrying that at 9 he’s decided to control his parents with his behaviour.

Thanks. No his sisters are not the source of his anxiety . He has been trying to control
Where I go when I go and when I’ll be back

Personally, I would start with leaving him for one minute and coming back and reward him if he manages. Keep increasing in small increments once he can manage a minute. As he gets more confident you will return make the additional time you leave him bigger, so adding, say five minutes, them 7 then ten etc. Leaving him til he is upset is only going to reinforce his idea that he is upset when you go.

Bloody frustrating I know.

I know you can't easily access a therapist but I would be careful about assuming anything about his behaviour based on online advice.

Why are PP ignoring OPs updates? He is doing it intentionally to get his way 🙄

It’s almost
Like he has decided that he is going to be upset when I go away. full
Stop. I’ve taught him visualisation techniques, have done some basic cbt work with him, distraction etc . the list
Goes on . He is an angry and frustrated little boy . I am with him nearly all of the time apart when he is at school . We play together, talk , cook etc so it’s not like I’m
Rushing around ignoring him and not giving him quality time

If he is doing all of this to get his own way , can some wise people
Here please teach me how to deal
With it . My husband and I even had an argument over him last night so it’s affecting our marriage now and really
Upsets his sisters

My DS was similar to this at that age. It was anxiety and we accessed the mental health services who were great and it helped a lot. I never really got to the bottom of what set it off but he’s a teenager now and him becoming more independent was a real turning point.
You can buy some good workbooks for kids on anxiety online so that could be a starting point for discussion/help if no medical services available.,

A 9 year old should not be following you into the toilet, nor needing to sleep in your bed every night. I agree with the other posters that this is a combination of severe anxiety, as well as manipulative behaviour. It could also be obsessive behaviour.

You really need to speak to your GP/paediatrician about this- this is very extreme, controlling and anxious behaviour.

Pay for a private paediatric assessment and the from their you could see a child psychologist or psychiatrist depending on what the assessment.

Also, have you always raced home to these? Have you ever just let him have a tantrum?

Would
You consider this very abnormal? Could it be a phase ? I’m
Sock thinking about it . What can my gp
Do?

I’ve always raced home

@ZoeWashburne
I’m thinking like you, I’d be shutting doors and leaving to have his tantrum.

Or my husband has .
My girls
Say he is addicted to me or
Obsessed with me. That is their opinion n n it

I really am open to all of this advice

My DD is 9 and displays very similar behaviour. I understand how utterly draining it is, she has to be in the same room as me (preferably within touching distance) at all times.

We are in the UK and she has worked with CAMHS to help address the separation anxiety. She is basically convinced that I will die if she is not with me to protect me. I have no idea where it stems from, no-one she knows has ever died, I’ve never been seriously ill or had an accident.

She won’t go to her Dad’s or stay with my parents. I last left her overnight in October. She managed ok but didn’t eat for the 24 hours I was away.

It is controlling but it stems from her anxiety not from a manipulative personality. I’d definitely recommend talking to your gp equivalent for advice.

Children with autism often present as controlling and react badly to not getting their own way. This is because it is very common for children with autism to be anxious and to struggle with the world being unpredictable and hard to understand.

They can react badly to unexpected changes and disruptions to their routine and also to social and sensory overload.

If you use behavioural techniques to try to manage behaviour that is rooted in autism and/or anxiety, you risk making his anxiety worse.

There's a backlash for this on MN at the moment, but I am going to say it anyway: my autism senses are tingling here.

I say this is a former teacher of children with SEN and a mother of an autistic child.

Ok . I will go to my gp although the waiting lists for Camus and childpsycholgosts on our area are years long