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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm right not to believe them?

81 replies

Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 16:31

Absolutely beyond devastated today. Been with DP nearly two years and thought he was the absolute love of my life. Don't have the strength to speak to anyone right now but need to get stuff out.

Last weekend when dp opened his what's app in front of me I noticed one of my best friends was near the top of his list of chats. Didn't think too much about it, just thought they'd messaged regarding me as I've had stuff on lately they've both been involved in.

Anyway yesterday he's showing me pics in his gallery and a photo of her glammed up for going out is amongst the very recent pics. I questioned why this is and he said that she'd just sent him a pic of her. I thought about this for a while then asked him to show me their messages.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 16:32

Sorry posted too soon!

Will write rest of post now

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 21/07/2019 16:34

Ugh god. So she is no friend and you need to leave him. How horrible for you :(

Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 16:37

Anyway, all the messages were deleted. He said he'd deleted messages as a matter of course - there was nothing to worry about but was scared of getting into trouble. No reason for him to even think about this as of never suspect him or go through his phone.

Overnight I'd found howto restore messages and asked him to do this in front of me - he went into shock pretty much, shaking etc then admitted there had been messages which had gone too far.

Turns out the messages couldn't be restored by obviously by then he'd admitted but says they weren't that bad. He'd lied to me all yesterday evening that there was nothing though.

I've asked her and she says she always deletes messages so basically no way I can see what was said. She says it was just chatting and innocent.

They're taking me for a mug aren't they? No one routinely deletes WhatsApp messages do they?

OP posts:
Cheeserton · 21/07/2019 16:41

Yes they are. He's lying and hiding stuff about the nature of his relationship with your 'good friend'. Bin them both.

Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 16:41

I've told her to never contact me again and told him there is nothing he can say or do to fix this as I simply cannot trust him. We literally had a fantastic relationship - everyone we know (including me!) Thought we were so so happy and in love. I'm so so broken. I can't find the strength to tell anyone yet, I'm beyond exhausted.

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 21/07/2019 16:43

They're taking me for a mug aren't they? No one routinely deletes WhatsApp messages do they?
No they don’t, I think your suspicions are right. So sorry, what a pair of arseholes.

ZeldaPrincessOfHyrule · 21/07/2019 16:43

Oh OP, I'm so sorry, I wouldn't believe them either. His reaction alone speaks volumes.

newmomof1 · 21/07/2019 16:43

He admitted it has gone too far and she said it was innocent so they can't even lie to you properly.

I'm so sorry OP. You're better off without them both.

CreekyBeaky · 21/07/2019 16:44

I’m a firm believer in don’t have anything on your phone you wouldn’t be happy to show your partner. The only reason to delete messages is to make sure they stay private. The fact that he visibly shat his pants when he thought you could restore them tells you everything you need to know. Sorry OP. If you want to salvage the relationship a brutally honest talk about what the content was and why he did it is on the cards.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/07/2019 16:45

he went into shock pretty much, shaking etc then admitted there had been messages which had gone too far.

This is the truth. Everything else is bullshit.

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 21/07/2019 16:47

I'm so sorry to read this. I've only ever met one person that deletes messages as a matter of course (MIL buts she's fucking odd). Its highly unlikely that both your so-called best friend and your DP delete harmless messages. Get rid of both. You don't need physical proof to read. The fact that you know messages existed and they're hiding what the messages say means that you have all you need.

Be thankful you only invested two years with this absolute fucking bellend.

SagAloojah · 21/07/2019 16:58

Yep, and they delete messages from everyone (mum, friends etc) so it looks suspicious than deleting messages from just one person.

Put him out on his arse.

SagAloojah · 21/07/2019 16:59

*looks less suspicious

Socksontheradiator · 21/07/2019 17:05

Oh OP, I'm so sorry to read this. I think your suspicions are correct.
The only worse thing than being cheated on is being cheated on with one of your mates :(
I get how heartbreaking this could be x

CodenameVillanelle · 21/07/2019 17:07

He lied when he thought he wouldn't get found out then he told a half truth. She also lied. They are a vile pair and I'm sorry they both treated you so badly.

Dino1 · 21/07/2019 17:11

Yes they are lying, your partner's reaction when he thought you would see the messages says everything.
Dump them both.
I'm so sorry for you though, it must be devastating.

C0untDucku1a · 21/07/2019 17:14

Hi op. I routinely
Delete whatsapp messages because my shite iphone 6 has not enough storage anymore, deapite me deleting all photos etc, yet i refuse to
Upgrade my phone as they should last bastard well longer than two years. I have next to
No apps ffs! Not even pokemon!

However, your dh told you he has had an affair. Leave him.

Sorryisntgoodenough · 21/07/2019 17:25

No one routinely deletes WhatsApp messages do they?

I actually do for the same reasons c0untDuckul1a above does.
However it does all sound very suspicious and like they have something to hide.

LoulabelleAndCo · 21/07/2019 17:25

They are treating you terribly. She is no friend and he is a cheat. You deserve better op x

Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 17:28

Btw have NC for this but been here for years - didn't want anyone I know irl to read this yet as need to find the strength to tell people - currently an an exhausted emotional wreck.

A pp said something about having an item honest talk if I wanted to salvage the relationship - I don't see how it is salvageable as I couldn't possibly trust him again? He was being me this nothing to give it a chance and let him prove himself but I told him there was no way he could

OP posts:
Pinktinker · 21/07/2019 17:28

Some people do routinely delete messages but if he doesn’t do this with anyone else’s messages then you have your answer.

I’m sorry OP, it really doesn’t look good. What absolute shits they are.

Grumpos · 21/07/2019 17:31

Yes they are both snakes of the very worse kind.
Even if nothing physical has happened they have both knowingly chosen to emotionally cheat on you, these messages which have “gone too far” will be no doubt sexual in nature.
You’ve done the absolutely right thing in telling her to do one and dumping him immediately. Do not let either one of them take one more moment of your time and energy.
When you feel you can, confide in a close friend or family member and tell them you need support to get through it.
My ex had an affair and I left him, many of my friends have been cheated on also. It’s so hard to get through those first few weeks but you will. Then you will slowly start to feel better. Be strong! Flowers

Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 17:32

No, he doesn't routinely delete messages at all

OP posts:
PepsiLola · 21/07/2019 17:33

Wow, betrayal by the two closest to you! That is awful!!

You knew from his reaction straight up that he's crossed lines, even without seeing messages

Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 17:35

I genuinely thought he was the absolute love of my life, everyone else paled in comparison to him - I'm in my 40s and been married and divorced etc and really thought this was finally the best relationship ever. Fuck knows how I'm going to get through this but I will. Oh yeah and it's my birthday this week - lovely

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