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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm right not to believe them?

81 replies

Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 16:31

Absolutely beyond devastated today. Been with DP nearly two years and thought he was the absolute love of my life. Don't have the strength to speak to anyone right now but need to get stuff out.

Last weekend when dp opened his what's app in front of me I noticed one of my best friends was near the top of his list of chats. Didn't think too much about it, just thought they'd messaged regarding me as I've had stuff on lately they've both been involved in.

Anyway yesterday he's showing me pics in his gallery and a photo of her glammed up for going out is amongst the very recent pics. I questioned why this is and he said that she'd just sent him a pic of her. I thought about this for a while then asked him to show me their messages.

OP posts:
Tallgreenbottle · 21/07/2019 17:35

He's a cheating arse OP. Get shut and move on. They don't deserve your time any more ♥️

BlueCornsihPixie · 21/07/2019 17:38

Even if the odd person deletes there messages the chance that 2 people both delete their messages so routinely that there's absolutely nothing is pretty slim

He's admitted he cheated, you don't need anymore proof. What a wanker and and your best friend are Flowers

Hidingtonothing · 21/07/2019 17:43

He's admitted it went too far so there are no innocent reasons for deleting messages in this case. So sorry OP but you are absolutely right, you have to cut your losses now. It will be a process, emotionally, starting with accepting that it's over but something tells me you will move through the stages quickly, you will be ok. You sound strong and smart, I'm glad you value yourself enough to know he has to go. Sending you a massive hug (sorry MN) because I don't feel like there's much else I can do for you, you've got this Flowers

supersop60 · 21/07/2019 17:45

Sorry to hear this OP - what a shock for you.
Do you have anyone to talk to IRL? Even though you're exhausted by it all, you need support, and you don't have to keep your P's secret for him.

Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 17:52

I do have people to talk to but haven't the strength today, I'm exhausted and processing - need to gird my loins to tell people.

OP posts:
freshsheets · 21/07/2019 17:56

I'm so sorry OP, you're definitely right to bin them both- what pieces of crap!

Cuddle yourself up on the sofa/bed and take care of yourself, have a bath/watch funny movies etc.

You did nothing wrong, They did.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 21/07/2019 17:56

Take your time; there's no set timeline you need to follow here. Calmly do what you need to do to get through each day, and don't be pushed into any kind of decisions.

And don't for one second think that you've been daft not to see this or doubt yourself in any way. It's an awful fact of life that some people are just arseholes, and make arsehole choices. This whole thing is them being twats, nothing to do with you. Stand with your he'd high when/if you tell people what's happened because this is not your mess. Flowers

freshsheets · 21/07/2019 17:58

@Dontlikeoranges Don't make it a whole spiel, when people ask 'oh how is blah blah shit?' just nonchalantly say 'Oh him? Yeah he cheated on me with my best friend, they're both out of my life now!'

Thanks
feathermucker · 21/07/2019 18:02

Do you have your own house, are you financially secure? Just thinking practically as in can you kick him out?

This is such a horrid way to be treated by the 2 people who are supposed to be the closest to you.

Sarcelle · 21/07/2019 18:05

Do you live together?

He is a louse and so is she.Thanks

DontTouchTheMoustache · 21/07/2019 18:08

Flowers I'm so sorry OP, being betrayed by 2 people you trust is devastating. They are a pair of utter twats and neither of them deserve to be part of your life any more.
Try to make a clean break with him, otherwise once the anger fades you may be tempted to forgive him and as you say he cannot be trusted and he absolutely will do this again. He is not the person you thought he was. It will get better.

fortheloveofPete · 21/07/2019 18:10

You don't have to tell anyone anything at any time.

Just take it a couple of hours at a time for the moment... it's all very raw. You need to give yourself time and space to breathe, think and gather your mind and strength.

Only then can you deal with this shit and come out the other side much better off.

Good luck.

Nottheduchess · 21/07/2019 18:13

Oh no, what absolute bastards. Gutted for you Sad

rainbowstardrops · 21/07/2019 18:13

Oh you poor thing. It's bad enough that your partner lied but to have one of your best friends lie to you too is just awful.
They've at the very least had an emotional affair behind your back and for that, I'd never be able to trust either of them again. Bastards.

Bluntness100 · 21/07/2019 18:15

I'm sorry yes, he's had an affair with her. have you told him it's over?

Newbie1981 · 21/07/2019 18:18

I delete messages to free up my memory. Just saying

lunar1 · 21/07/2019 18:23

So sorry you are going through this. Some how when it involves a friend it's so much worse.

Cheeserton · 21/07/2019 18:24

Just saying

Just saying why? Did you skip the part where he confessed?

TowelNumber42 · 21/07/2019 18:27

Yet your side of the story out quick if you and ex-bestie have shared friends.

Mythreefavouritethings · 21/07/2019 18:27

Don’t think about your age, think about freeing yourself for better times ahead. Little comfort for know, keep strong Oranges, and get your support lined up.

Chesntoots · 21/07/2019 18:29

I delete messages as a matter of course, but I'm a bit like that with everything!

However - I don't thing I could forgive this at all. They are obviously sending messages which they do not want you to see and his admission must have been a terrible shock to you.

It may take a while to process what has happened, so in the meantime look after yourself and be kind to yourself. I'm sure your emotions are all over the place.

Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 18:29

Yes I've told him. Thankfully we don't live together but were planning on.

I don't actually think there's been anything physical as she doesn't live near plus we spend all our time together. That's why it's so baffling as relationship was so good ! Obviously I don't know for sure though. Not that it really matters.

OP posts:
RebootYourEngine · 21/07/2019 18:29

What a pair of absolute despicable shits.

What's the situation at the moment, do you live together, if so have you told him to leave?

PizzaTaste · 21/07/2019 18:32

OP you absolutely do not deserve this. Thinking of you

PonderingPanda · 21/07/2019 18:49

Hugs OP. They are so cruel.