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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm right not to believe them?

81 replies

Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 16:31

Absolutely beyond devastated today. Been with DP nearly two years and thought he was the absolute love of my life. Don't have the strength to speak to anyone right now but need to get stuff out.

Last weekend when dp opened his what's app in front of me I noticed one of my best friends was near the top of his list of chats. Didn't think too much about it, just thought they'd messaged regarding me as I've had stuff on lately they've both been involved in.

Anyway yesterday he's showing me pics in his gallery and a photo of her glammed up for going out is amongst the very recent pics. I questioned why this is and he said that she'd just sent him a pic of her. I thought about this for a while then asked him to show me their messages.

OP posts:
InsertFunnyUsername · 21/07/2019 18:56

I delete messages, But i dont go in to shock and shaking when asked why. That there is your answer, Dont let him or anyone else try to convince you otherwise. You don't sound like you are anyway OP, fuck the both of them out of your life.

Im sorry for the double blow, and hold your head up high when/if you tell people, i know who i would be thinking are mugs in this situation, and it isn't you! Bastards Flowers

AlwaysCheddar · 21/07/2019 19:01

If you’re not married and no kids I’d walk away. Inexcusable and zero trust.

BuildBuildings · 21/07/2019 19:03

So sorry this is happening to you. You know what they've done and you can't trust him again. At least you don't live together. Do you think if he knows the games up he will be honest with you?

Treaclesweet · 21/07/2019 19:08

What utter bastards op I'm so sorry Flowers

Jupiter13 · 21/07/2019 19:09

Do they delete everyone else's

Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 21/07/2019 19:11

BuildBuildings I guess but I went know if he's telling the complete truth will I? Can't trust what he says. If he'd fessed up straight away it might have been salvageable

OP posts:
TowelNumber42 · 21/07/2019 19:33

That's why it's so baffling as relationship was so good !

Visit the Chump Lady website. She explains it all.

This is the website to lose yourself in for several hours over the next week to speed your recovery

www.chumplady.com/

SuzieQ10 · 21/07/2019 19:41

Urgh. I feel so sorry for you as it was your friend he was messaging / maybe even cheating with.

Under what circumstances would you ever innocently send glammed up pics of yourself to a mate's boyfriend.. virtually none.

Don't be embarrassed of this, if you need to get it out and speak to friends and family about it then do. It's for them to be ashamed of, not you, you've nothing to hide. So sorry x

testingtesting111 · 21/07/2019 19:49

Like a previous poster has said, if they're not deleting the majority of messages with everyone as a matter of course then they most certainly have something to hide and are likely not telling you the whole truth. Sorry this has happened to you.

boosterrooster · 21/07/2019 19:59

His reaction says it all.

Sorry OP. They're a rotten pair of fuckers. Block them both, I wouldn't even bother giving either a chance to explain themselves. And it's probably better than you didn't see the content of their messages, you're better off not knowing the details.

Mind yourself Thanks

jay55 · 21/07/2019 20:15

I can't imagine ever sending a friend's partner a picture of myself, glammed up or not.
I'm sorry this has happened to you, and glad you've found out.

TanyaChix · 21/07/2019 20:18

Really sorry to hear what’s happened to you, OP. Such a betrayal of trust from people close to you is bound to leave you reeling in shock, so take your time in processing it.

His reaction to restoring the messages when he thought it was inevitable it was all going to be exposed is his truthful one. It’s easy to pretend it’s all innocent when the messages are gone forever, but his shock when he thought you’d see them says it all.

I’ve been in this situation and I have to say I just couldn’t get past it.

Trickyteens · 21/07/2019 22:32

It's even worse that he did it with your friend. Really callous and selfish of him. As well as her.

MyNewBearTotoro · 21/07/2019 22:42

I’m sorry this has happened but glad you’ve found out now before you’ve invested more of yourself in the relationship.

Awful behaviour from both your partner and your so called ‘friend.’ Even if nothing happened beyond flirty messages it was probably only a matter of time. There’s no excuse or reason on either side for them to be having those kinds of chats.

Hope you have the strength to tell your friends and family for some real life support soon. Flowers

Original poster
Dontlikeoranges · 22/07/2019 12:45

He's been messaging me all day - I think I need to just stop replying, told him there nothing he can say that can fix this.

OP posts:
Yeahnahmum · 22/07/2019 13:22

The ultimate betrayal. ..
Walk away op
If he hasnt cheated yet, he will

TowelNumber42 · 22/07/2019 13:27

Block him

WarmSausageTea · 22/07/2019 13:37

He clearly can’t or won’t give you the space you need right now. I suspect that’s because he thinks he can win you round. I’d block his number and delete any social media connections.

fortheloveofPete · 22/07/2019 13:48

Oh sweetheart.

You do need to block him for now to give yourself some time. Same with your ex friend.

I would also suggest blocking his family, and mutual friends. Just for now, this will be self preservation.
Unblock as and when you feel ready to but not before.
Just take it a few hours at a time.

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/07/2019 13:56

So sorry OP. My ex cheated but at least I didn’t know her. He was out on his ear in any case. Phoned me a few months later asking if he could come round for a chat and could we be friends.... err, no and no! Twat

Didntwanttochangemyname · 22/07/2019 13:58

Please stay strong and don't forgive him, or your ex-friend.

LazyLizzy · 22/07/2019 14:00

OP I really feel for you but the trust would be gone for me too Flowers

He wasn't who you thought he was.

I would be more hurt by cunt of a friend. Has she always been a jealous bitch and wanted what you have?

I would make sure everybody knew what your slutty ex-friend and sleazy knobhead Ex was up to.

You have nothing to be ashamed of but their names will be mud.

ChuckleBuckles · 22/07/2019 14:02

Block him OP, he has nothing good to say to you, only more lies. The next stop on this tour of bull$hit is to start blaming the other woman as coming on to him and he was a poor innocent caught in her web.

I have lived to tell the tale of a cheating partner, it will not feel like it now but soon you will be glad that both these people revealed their true natures and saved you investing any more time, love or effort in either of them. Take care of yourself.

Veryouting123 · 22/07/2019 14:05

What a pair of scumbags. I'm so sorry OP.

Stay strong.

lawnmowingsucks · 22/07/2019 14:08

@Dontlikeoranges - sending you love Thanks

Why are there so many shits about? Hmm