Bringing sweets for my kids all the time

[Ineedtoknowit]

Tell me I’m BU if I am! Dh thinks I am.
Every time the kids’ grandma sees the kids (age 4and 7) she brings them a treat bag, consisting of a fruit shoot, a packet of crisps, sweets and chocolate bar. She sees them every week to 2 weeks on average. Even if we go to the cinema etc with them they will bring same treat bag even though I will have brought a drink and some small snacks already.
I try not to have many treats in the house as when we do, the kids constantly ask for them and I mean constantly. So when she brings them treats all the time I feel it causes me a problem as I then have a battle at home. They often bring sweets home from parties and school fairs, and are given a LOT for birthdays, Easter, Christmas, so it feels like I can never have a sweet free house or anywhere close to. Her response when I said they’re always pestering me For treats is to tell them they can have bread and butter. Obviously I can and do offer other things but it never stops the pestering.
The other issue is the single use plastic bottles that fruit shoots are in. This drives me mad as we’re trying to cut down on single use plastic.
Maybe I’m BU and I know treats from a grandparent is normal but I feels it’s too much. The other grandparent who sees them much less frequently will bring a colouring book or something, never treats.

Should I ask her to cut it down or am I being over the top?

Kids of a similar age, and we would ask her to stop.

This is NOT what grandparents are for. It may be what people’s grandparents DID, but that was before research into sugar. I don’t understand PPs who claim sympathy for grandma. Is this grandparent so incapable of interaction with children that she needs treats to forge a relationship with them? How is this related to how long grandma’s got left to live?

One set of grandparents do not do this for our kids, and they have a brilliant relationship.

OP, you will get flack, but I understand. Sweeties/cakes are for parties on our house. They don’t hang around and generally ‘disappear’ if they are brought home. Once a week or fortnight, and they stop being an occasional treat.

Yeah I see where you are coming from BUT my grandma gave me sweets which my parents didn't and it's an occasional thing, so think it's worth just seeing it as a treat.

I think I might be quite indulgent of my grandkids when the time comes so need to store up the good karma 🙌

I understand where you are coming from and it's so hard to get the balance. Ours is a bag every single time they come to ours or see them out, it can range from one or two small things to a small shops worth. That's on top of stuff they get when they go and visit, and they sometimes get sent home with a bag as well. Even if they are coming to a party at ours where the kids will be having food and treats, the bag still appears. Then there's the mountain we get at Easter, Christmas and Halloween.......this is before we even get to treats from sources like other family, school parties etc
It just gets too much and yes grandparents like to treat but surely there has to be a point where you say enough?!
I can't direct to other things because they already buy rather a lot and my house is rammed full as it is. Healthy alternatives that they have offered before end up being just as bad.....I'm aware this makes me sound awful and impossible to please but honestly everything is done to excess and they just can't stop and I think unless you've lived it, you just don't realise how bad it can be. It's not just a little treat once a week. It becomes too much and to be honest, I don't want to be the 'bad cop' all the time, never getting to pick my own stuff to give. I have no idea what to suggest OP because I'm stuck with it myself. I don't want to upset anyone but I don't want my children ending up with a sweet tooth like mine and the awful teeth to show for it either. So I'm currently shoving it in a cupboard and hoping it calms down soon!

That’s my issue though, they’re not an occasional treat anymore. I know that’s not all down to grandma but the amount of treats that come into the house is incredible. Parties regularly with cake and sweets in party bag, pudding for school lunch which is often cake or ice cream, jars full of sweets and Chocolate tombola at fairs and discos at school ( which I do to support the school), pta cake stalls in the playground, Easter, Christmas, birthdays, treats from grandma, ice creams on a hot day, the list goes on and on. Yes I can control it to an extent but lots I can’t control without offending people. I’m actually not a sugar nazi at all but when you actually look at all the sugar that’s eaten, it’s incredible. I make sure I buy no sugar yoghurts and drinks etc to try and balance things out but it’s so hard. Much harder than it was when I was a child when sweets really were an occasional treat.

Passmeabrew, yes that’s it exactly! And I forgot about bloody Halloween too!

I am exactly on your page OP .

I agree with the poster who said that you can "spoil" kids with strawberries, books etc. In fact I would go so far as to say that buying these treats so often is not spoiling them - it is hurting them - their bodies and their teeth. It is not kind.

The other thing is that with all this sugary crap around it is hard for you as the parent to ever buy something sugary because it has become so everyday and you want to hold back.

If it helps, I used to just say no thank you if we were passed party bags full of crappy sweets! I didn't care - I did not want my kids ruining their teeth with low quality rubbish!

I would ask this grandmother quite honestly and clearly one day to stop doing it. I mean four pieces of shit??? Explain that you want to take care of their teeth and feed them quality foods that give them energy in a good way. Give ideas for other treats that the kids would love. Don't be wishy washy, say you want no more shit at all! Then it is clear. If she brings stuff next time, do what that other poster did and take it out to her car and give it back when she goes.

With regard to school fairs and stuff - I know - we are told one minute to cut down on sugar and the next minute the schools are giving out all sorts of crap.

I guess as the parents we have to be firmer with it all.

I know so many people will hate me for this!

Ignore my post up there, dunno how it posted here. Have reported it! Sorry OP!

I’m with you op. YANBU. But it’s hard like you say as treats seem to come from everywhere. And most people don’t seem to see harm in crisps/chocolate most days. It’s not a popular view but I let my kids eat whatever they want over the Easter weekend then I get rid of the rest. Give it away to friends or the food bank or chuck it away if already opened. Same with Halloween and Christmas. I don’t want it all in the house for months after the event. We have the same issues with nanny so they end up having a couple of small sweets most days then I don’t buy anything else. Grandma brings sticker books and bubbles which they love just as much. I know all kids are different so this might not be the case but I’ve found letting them eat as much as they want occasionally till they feel sick has really helped them to self regulate (3 and 6). When it wears off I let them do it again and especially the older one doesn’t like the feeling and won’t be too bothered about sweets for a few months.

"To me a treat for children is a trip to somewhere they find exciting such as the seaside with rock pools teeming with life or a dark forest to explore, trees to climb, books of interest to them, or a game they love."

pmsl, sorry

They'd probably enjoy some fizzy cola bottles as well

IMO anyone who bans sweets to such an extent will end up precisely like the OP with kids pestering for them, whether they are in the house or not. A "sugar free house"? They will never learn how to moderate or eat sensibly in that way. and the minute they are in secondary school they will be caning the lucozade as an act of defiance

Moderation in all things (including moderation).

Oh and I also thing the "grandparents have had their turn" is another uttery miserablist powerplay.

I don’t want a sugar free house Ihatemyself, I just don’t want treats in the house all the time and the kids eating them everyday. I’m all about the balance and agree that banning sugar is not a good idea. But there’s simply no “treat” in it anymore, it’s all the time from all sides

“Oh and I also thing the "grandparents have had their turn" is another utterly miserablist powerplay”
Quite. And anyway they haven’t. They’ve had their turn at being parents. Not at being grandparents, which is an entirely different relationship.

yogurts, fruit and babybels, which just end up in the bin because DD isn’t going to eat it all before the use by date

You do know that fruit doesn't grow with a use by date stamped on it, right?

I agree with you op. The sheer volume of sweets that used to flow into this house was shocking. Christmas, easter, holidays, halloween, plus whenever Grandma came visiting.
I used to throw most of it away, to be honest. It pained me to waste it, but the alternative was to let the dc eat it and there was just so much. Luckily my dc were quite particular in what sweets they liked, so we would thank whoever provided the bagful and then i would discreetly bin it. If there was a lot of something they liked, i let them choose a small selection and the rest would be 'put away', where it was forgotten about, or eaten by my dh. They still had far more sweet stuff than i was comfortable with, but not as much as they could have had.
If your dm/mil can be reasoned with, i would ask her to provide 'treats' like strawberries or clementines. Or a particular comic, if she wants to make it a weekly thing.

I’m with you on this one. If you don’t like it you can put a stop to it though. You’ll just have to accept she will think you are uptight. I really agree on the fruit shoots as well. Just tell her you would like it to stop and you will bring them water in a bottle and she can bring some little organix snacks or something.

You have every right to want to reduce your waste and this would drive me mad.
Just ring her up and say that you appreciate the treats but you really can't help but get worried about the single use plastic (not just the bottles)
That is everyones problem and you wouldn't be a good mother without trying to adequately privide for your childs future- and unfortunately we are in the position where that means future safety and stability- it is fact. Everyone should be trying to cut down their waste- even the old cow who won't be there to see her grandchildren suffer with mass famine and loss of land. Not to mention mega storns and more hurricanes etc. People are dying now because of air polution.
@F2Feee maybe she could not buy it for someone who doesn't want it.

Honestly Op, if she has a problem just tell her shw can shove it up her arse. Normalising unnecesarry waste is what got us in this problem to begin with and just tell her youre not about showing your kids that.

The other thing you could try is to get the older one to tell Grandma about the damage of single use plastic. So, when Grandma arrives with the fruit shoots, get the 7 year old to lecture her about global warning etc. I find that my dc are really on board about the damage to the environment and are very vocal about not adding to it.

My grandmother bought me a treat every Sunday from the time I was old enough to eat sweets til she died a couple of years back, that was the only sweets we ever had in the house when I was a child so it wasn't a problem.

At Easter my parents had a no chocolate rule, so we'd get eggs from the family Easter egg hunt but grandparents and their friends were encouraged to buy us toys, books, craft kits etc, maybe that could help cut down the number of treats in your house without upsetting Grandma.

As for the single use plastic - could you just say to her that you are cutting down on plastic and would she mind buying cartons rather than fruit shoots please?

Do this for my grandkids 😁

Pedantic or what sweet !

But there’s simply no “treat” in it anymore, it’s all the time from all sides

If it’s all the time and from all sides, why are you moaning about gran? Surely you do have control over party bags coming in to the house, or what gets bought at school bake sales etc. Surely you can ration out holiday sweets over a period of time? If you know she’s going to be seeing them cut back on your own treat buying - if you’re unhappy with them having too much at the cinema, and you know she’s going to bring stuff either don’t invite her to come (and buy your own treats), or don’t buy stuff when you know she’s going to.

In terms of pestering, find a way for the kids to self manage treats. Each of my two has a snack box with a mixture of things (yes sweets but also breadsticks, houmous etc). They can choose to eat whatever they like from their snack box but when it’s gone it’s gone - no topping up until shopping day. Basically if your kids are constantly pestering you, it’s a discipline issue for you to manage.

It’s really not that difficult. She’s hardly feeding them crack cocaine and by the sounds of it if you’re overrun with sweet treats there are other areas within your control without picking a fight with their gran.

If they pester for sweets, you just say no. Who is in charge in your house? Or every time they 'pester' after you've said no, take one out and eat it yourself in front of them, they'll soon stop!!!

“But there’s simply no “treat” in it anymore, it’s all the time from all sides“

So why is your post about their grandmother?

The vapid joyless sanctimony and virtue signalling on this thread is .."my kids would rather go pond-dipping than eat a snickers" is bordering on the delusional

I totally agree with your position on the plastics and waste, however, even though its too little too late, probably, it at least signals something.

But if you are going to ask your MIL to lay off the sweet bringing do try to do it in a way that won't hurt her feelings.

Just a thought - wash out the fruit shoot bottles and either take some refilled with water or give them back to her to refill with ribena or whatever. You're kind of making a point. Or even get some fun reusable bottles and give them to her to fill.

You could even give her a huge bag with loads of different treats that are a bit healthier but similar to the sweets and crisps (bear yoyos? Pombears?) not perfect but better and ask her to try them all out herself and see which are nicest. Graze boxes?

Apologies if a ridiculous idea.