Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing sweets for my kids all the time

110 replies

Ineedtoknowit · 21/07/2019 16:19

Tell me I’m BU if I am! Dh thinks I am.
Every time the kids’ grandma sees the kids (age 4and 7) she brings them a treat bag, consisting of a fruit shoot, a packet of crisps, sweets and chocolate bar. She sees them every week to 2 weeks on average. Even if we go to the cinema etc with them they will bring same treat bag even though I will have brought a drink and some small snacks already.
I try not to have many treats in the house as when we do, the kids constantly ask for them and I mean constantly. So when she brings them treats all the time I feel it causes me a problem as I then have a battle at home. They often bring sweets home from parties and school fairs, and are given a LOT for birthdays, Easter, Christmas, so it feels like I can never have a sweet free house or anywhere close to. Her response when I said they’re always pestering me For treats is to tell them they can have bread and butter. Obviously I can and do offer other things but it never stops the pestering.
The other issue is the single use plastic bottles that fruit shoots are in. This drives me mad as we’re trying to cut down on single use plastic.
Maybe I’m BU and I know treats from a grandparent is normal but I feels it’s too much. The other grandparent who sees them much less frequently will bring a colouring book or something, never treats.

Should I ask her to cut it down or am I being over the top?

OP posts:
londonloves · 21/07/2019 16:39

No,
Stuff doesn't get recycled because the recycling infrastructure in this country is overwhelmed and the PRN system provides a perverse incentive for local authorities to export it rather than recycle it in the Uk. And there is tons of evidence that once it's overseas, it doesn't get recycled but ends up in landfill or incinerated or in the sea.
Sure, there's an issue with contamination too, but the main issue is systemic.

libbynaughtz26 · 21/07/2019 16:39

That's what grandparents are for! Bet your fun at a party.

Trumpleton · 21/07/2019 16:39

I know grandparents like to spoil their grandchildren but if you are trying to be a healthy household i don't see why they can't bring other types of treats instead and sweet treats as occasional! However could be an awkward conversation so depends how strongly you feel. Can all treats go in a box to be chosen from monthly (or however often you decide) ?
This doesn't stop the pestering though...
I find it disrespectful when grandparents ignore parents' wishes as if they have the right to do whatever they like regardless. But pick your battles!

Shoxfordian · 21/07/2019 16:41

Yabu
Grandparents are supposed to spoil grandchildren

Technonan · 21/07/2019 16:41

I'm rather on your side here, OP. I'm a grandmother, and I operate under very clear instructions from DS and DIL. They don't want the girls (4 and 7) to have sweets, apart from the occasional small bag. My treat to mt dgds is usually a colouring book, a story book, some drawing paper, something like that. They're pleased, their parents are happy, and they aren't being stuffed with sugar. What's not to like here?

Socksontheradiator · 21/07/2019 16:43

I don't agree that's what grandparents are for. If or when I'm lucky enough to have grandchildren, I'll ask their parents what they want them to have.
And regarding the plastic... a pp said it's not her fault that plastic doesn't always get recycled. No, agreed, but if OP is trying to reduce her use of plastic, it isn't unreasonable to ask grandma not to bring fruitshoots.
Hopefully grandma is civilised and won't argue and make it into a war!

GreenTulips · 21/07/2019 16:43

Grandparents are supposed to spoil grandchildren

They can spoil them with strawberries or cinema tickets or a book

It doesn’t have to be sweets

Fatted · 21/07/2019 16:45

I'm sorry but you are being 'that' parent. Did your children have ethically sourced wooden toys when they were little as well?

If you generally don't give them sweets, crisps etc, then the amount they are having at parties, visits to granny's etc aren't going to do much harm in the grand scheme of things.

Your MIL (I'm assuming) is probably bringing them round every time to make a point because you don't want them to have them. Your DC are also probably asking for them more because they have been built into this big huge massive thing by not being allowed them. My kids eat crisps and sweets and even drink fruit shoots. They are both very active outdoorsy children and eat three healthy meals a day.

chachaboom · 21/07/2019 16:45

Are you me OP? But with the addition of sweets/crisps/pop from my parents as well as MIL?

I think it's because they saw it as a treat when they were kids (and piss poor) so indulge our kids but it's no longer a treat if it's all the time.

We still have 2 easter eggs in the cupboard. We have party bags from a party last week and they came out of school with bags of haribo. I've resorted to taking them to work/throwing in the bin as we cannot get though it al - and I hate food waste but it's just sugar sugar sugar.

Original poster
Ineedtoknowit · 21/07/2019 16:46

I think so too Green Tulips. Grandma has never bought them a book in their lives. She’s a real feeder and shows her love with food. She loves them to bits and we’re very lucky to have her I just wish there wasn’t so much love shown with sweets.

OP posts:
Socksontheradiator · 21/07/2019 16:46

Sorry @Technonan, that was for @Shoxfordian.
I agree with you Smile

Socksontheradiator · 21/07/2019 16:49

Given the current situation regarding both child obesity and plastic in the ocean etc, how can OP possibly be being unreasonable??

dancingrobot · 21/07/2019 16:53

Fruit shots would not cross my door. Recycling is not good enough and they are awful for teeth.
I can't stand the grandmas are for treats nonsense. There are a million ways to bond and show a child you care without feeding them rubbish. Actually, if you do care you don't give them that crap.

Yeahnahmum · 21/07/2019 16:55

Sounds rediculous to me.
Way too much sugar and so unnecessary at young age. And even more annoying as it goes against what you want for your kids.
That ea st er example that you gave is beyond words. (Also: why dont you just chuck it all and keep 1 or 2 things? Because that is all you (that your kids steal eat chocolate 3 months after easter Hmm)

Aks the grandparents to lay off. Or to get them something different instead of sweets. Or just throw it in the bin next time you do it and tell them where to shove it if they do it again haha.Grin

ContactLight · 21/07/2019 16:56

The Easter and Christmas chocolate and sweets thing is easy to solve. There will be so much of it that the kids won't remember just how much of it there is. So they won't know if you either gradually chuck some of it away, or eat it yourself.

Bambamber · 21/07/2019 16:57

How would feel about meeting her in the middle? Ask her to ditch the fruit shoot completely and just ask her to bring one treat. So either a packet of crisps or a little chocolate bar. That way she can still spoil them, but without going overboard.

When it comes to times like Easter, I always ask that instead of spending money on chocolate, they give my daughter some pennies to put in her piggy bank. Or even just an Easter themed colouring book if they rather

Rachelover40 · 21/07/2019 16:58

I don't see that as a big deal, ineedtoknowit. Grandparents are known for giving children sweets, sometimes behind parents backs! Mine used to have sweets from his grandparents and it doesn't appear to have done him any harm. I used to partake too when I was a kid, it was normal back then.

dancingrobot · 21/07/2019 17:04

Sadly apparently sometimes this is true Grandparents are known for giving children sweets, sometimes behind parents backs!
And that is how I ended up with 8, 8 fillings on my back teeth and both my grandparents had no teeth aged 60.
Both my mum and MIL know that I will not stand for the "sweets behind my back"
He has treats within reason but that bag OP is describing is chemicals and rubbish for a child and the planet

EmperorBallpitine · 21/07/2019 17:05

I don't think YABU OP. This would annoy me no end. If she wants to bring a small treat each time, then bring a small treat, ie on e chocolate bar or tube of smarties. Not a whole load of stuff , you have asked her not to. Grandparents should not be giving out loads of sweeties, its just shameless bribery.

greatvengeanceandfuriousanger · 21/07/2019 17:05

Yanbu that's a lot of treat in one go for quite small DC. It would be nice for his to be supportive and that would make me concerned about the sweets and treats they were getting if I wasn't about.

The volume and regularity means that you have less of an opportunity. The DC know there is always a stash and it's no wonder they pester.

Over indulgence is a type of neglect. DC vomitted through too many jelly sweets on two occasions and there won't be a third.

Boysnme · 21/07/2019 17:06

My kids never remember how many sweet treats they are given, it all goes in a box and eaten at later dates (half the time by DH & I).

I’d much rather their GPs were doing this than ignoring them however if the plastic is too much for you, and I get that when trying to cut down, ask her to replace with something else.

MrsxRocky · 21/07/2019 17:08

Lol my sons nan used to help with school runs and she would do me head in.
Pick him up from school and feed him a fmsiyl size chocolate bar right before I had him or give him bread sticks to dip in chocolate spread.
Just massive over the top treats.
She could never give something normal like a 50p mix size.
Resulted in me stopping her form helping school runs as even though after school club is costing me loads it's worth it for my sanity.
My son is no longer given to me every day high on sugar and not having tea then sugar crashing.
I think your being unreasonable as its not an every day thing like I had to contend with.

BertrandRussell · 21/07/2019 17:11

This seems to be a lot of fuss about a bag of sweets every two weeks. It’s best to eat them all at once anyway so that’s their treat day over and down with . And sweets are associated with grandma not with home. Also a good thing.

NoSauce · 21/07/2019 17:13

As you try to not buy a lot of treats yourself I don’t think a bar of chocolate, some sweets, crisps and a drink once a week or every other week is overboard, as long as they’re eating it all in one go.

puppy23 · 21/07/2019 17:16

Grandparents seem to be damned if they do and damned if they don't on here