Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to contact Social services about a neighbour

143 replies

Yetanothernamechange1234 · 20/07/2019 19:09

Long and short of it is her 4 kids came over to mine today...said their mum was asleep and they couldn't wake her...they climbed out the back window to get out the house as couldn't find the keys. Mum also had a 1 year old in there also asleep the kids thought. They asked to have dinner with us in case they couldn't wake their mum later. When I took them home it took a good half hour of banging on the door to rouse the mum,she had no idea the kids weren't in the house. Would I be totally inappropriate to contact SS and if I did would they tell her who it was?

OP posts:
Franklyyes · 20/07/2019 21:30

Inform social services as children at risk - they have a social services duty team out of office hours. You might be the piece of a jigsaw - lots of concerns, School, local community which add up to a bigger picture. Or SS think they already meet threshold
You are thinking of the children and making sure they are safe

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 20/07/2019 21:35

SparklyMagpie I just think mn are so quick to call ss on everything! If otherwise this mother is “perfectly together” and this was down to a period of exhaustion then I would rather the limited ss resources were used somewhere else. But any other signs this mother can’t cope then yes I would call

Screamanger · 20/07/2019 21:35

SparklyMagpie

I would have done exactly what the OP did and then asked the mother if she was ok, asked if there was anything I could do and basically been a friendly helpful neighbor.

Charmatt · 20/07/2019 21:49

If this is unusual behaviour she might have had a seizure. My epilepsy is controlled but when I had them I was not rouseable for a considerable amount of time and looked shocking when I did regain consciousness

Original poster
Yetanothernamechange1234 · 20/07/2019 21:50

Thank you for all your posts,I rang social.services...who were aware of the family and sent someone over.i spoke to the mum when we roused her and she just asked if the kids had been good...despite not knowing they had left the house.they came back shortly after I posted asking for food and to come in and play.took them back home and mum was walking about.. again didn't know the kids had left.

I know I should've been more proactive the first time they came over,will be next time. Thank you for advice x

OP posts:
IVEgottheDECAF · 20/07/2019 21:54

Well done op

Original poster
Yetanothernamechange1234 · 20/07/2019 21:57

And sorry to drop feed.shouldve said the mum isnt I'll,think poss been drinking,the "baby" is 3,just they call her a baby. Her older kids go to school with my daughter, I know people who babysit them and they say here is no furniture in kids bedrooms only couple mattress they share,massive TV though.she doesn't ever let me in house when our kids have played together before and I've taken them home,I've known her a few years but only neighbours for a few months and I have invited her over for coffee and a talk,hasn't done so though..the kids know me and I'm pleased they know they can come to me if they need to.just hope she gets support and the kids are ok.

OP posts:
FurrySlipperBoots · 20/07/2019 22:06

the "baby" is 3, just they call her a baby

I thought she was 1?

iwillkeepthishouseclean · 20/07/2019 22:08

She's either very tired or drugs who
Sleeps 3 hours and not
Notices that the kids have left
The house. House conditions sound like neglect.

In saying all of that she may need help
Social services don't just take kids off
People they offer w lot
Of help first so hopefully she may if she is willing to work with them get some support...

NoSauce · 20/07/2019 22:10

I’m glad you have rang SS.

Is the youngest one or three? Confused

WorraLiberty · 20/07/2019 22:11

Sounds awful, no wonder she's known to SS.

I have to ask how the size of her television is relevant in all of this though?

That's a bizarre little nugget in and amongst a very tragic story.

colourlessgreenidea · 20/07/2019 22:12

I rang social.services...who were aware of the family

SS told you they were aware of the family?

Amibeingdaft81 · 20/07/2019 22:16

I rang social.services...who were aware of the family

Bull. Shit.

They never ever ever would have disclosed this information.

louise5754 · 20/07/2019 22:17

When my eldest was 3 and started nursery I was so exhausted having 2 under 3 that I fell asleep and woke to my nearly 2 year old opening the front door. She had never been able to open the door before and you don't need a key to do it. Extremely stupid of me and I still wonder 6 years later what could have happened to her.

Bookworm4 · 20/07/2019 22:18

SS will say they are aware but not anything else.

stucknoue · 20/07/2019 22:19

The original post says the baby is 1. I'm wondering if other details are incorrect too. 3 school age kids getting up to mischief perhaps. Social services would never say that a family is known to them, they would be sacked for breaching confidentiality

Amibeingdaft81 · 20/07/2019 22:21

Op’s Story is full of holes

The baby was 1. Now 3.
This drip feed of others having expressed concerns about no furniture in the bedrooms only couple of mattresses, fact she’s never let you in to the house when you’ve come to collect your kids.... and yet you’ve allowed your children over there for play dates unaccompanied

The fact you post at >7pm and less than 3 hours apparently they children returned to you, you called social services, someone came out, and they told you they were aware of the family

It’s just full of holes and doesn’t ring true

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 20/07/2019 22:23

Social services came out really quickly on a Saturday night. Glad they aren't as understaffed and over worked as the rest of the country.

Amibeingdaft81 · 20/07/2019 22:23

SS will say they are aware but not anything else

They will do nothing of the sort.
They will reveal nothing re whether the family is known to them or not.
It would be a gross breach if they did

Bookworm4 · 20/07/2019 22:25

@ami
I’ve had it said to me when I called with concerns about a person.

Amibeingdaft81 · 20/07/2019 22:28

@Bookworm4

You experienced a major beach of confidentiality then that the social worker in question would have undergone a disciplinary if it had been reported. Fact.

ysmaem · 20/07/2019 22:31

I'm actually a little surprised you didn't call for an ambulance or police when the kids said they couldn't wake her. She could have fallen over and hit her head or collapsed. That would have been my immediate reaction anyways. Have you actually been round there and asked her what actually happened or had some form of discussion about it at least? I would definitely call the authorities and voice your concerns if you feel something isn't right

SparklyMagpie · 20/07/2019 22:31

Well the "baby" has grown 2 years older in this short space of time

Oliversmumsarmy · 20/07/2019 22:34

Could she just have been getting 40 winks because 1 year old is up all night.

Years ago I was doing gardening in my front garden when a little boy no more than 2 darted across the main road and was running down our road.

I managed to stop him and took him back over the road to find his house.

Little boy, I don’t think knew where he lived but fortunately the houses opened up onto the streets so I was able to find one with the front door open.

His mother was flat out on the sofa.
She was profusely sorry. He apparently didn’t sleep well at night and she had put him to bed for an afternoon nap and thought he was still in his bed. Instead he had got out of the bed, got a chair and opened the front door and run off.

Genuinely felt sorry for her.

Don’t know what SS would have done.

WorraLiberty · 20/07/2019 22:42

Oliversmumsarmy completely different scenario to someone banging on the door for half an hour, whilst the kids who couldn't rouse her, had to climb out of the window.