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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to contact Social services about a neighbour

143 replies

Yetanothernamechange1234 · 20/07/2019 19:09

Long and short of it is her 4 kids came over to mine today...said their mum was asleep and they couldn't wake her...they climbed out the back window to get out the house as couldn't find the keys. Mum also had a 1 year old in there also asleep the kids thought. They asked to have dinner with us in case they couldn't wake their mum later. When I took them home it took a good half hour of banging on the door to rouse the mum,she had no idea the kids weren't in the house. Would I be totally inappropriate to contact SS and if I did would they tell her who it was?

OP posts:
3dogs2cats · 20/07/2019 20:27

Crikey, I can’t believe you are getting told off. That’s such an odd situation, I think you did your best.

Thefemalekeithrichards · 20/07/2019 20:27

As everyone has said You should report-and It’s nice of you to look after the children - you are very kind, I hope this has a happy ending

viques · 20/07/2019 20:30

it took a good half hour to rouse the mum

Sorry, I would have called police/ambulance long before half an hour. Supposing she was unconscious? Had had a stroke?

That half hour could have made a huge difference.

Anyway that's been and gone, what you need to do now is safeguard those children in the future, phone your local station, and I would also get the contact details of your out of hours social work team.

Screamanger · 20/07/2019 20:32

In all honesty in that situation I wouldn’t have thought to call the police or SS,

BogglesGoggles · 20/07/2019 20:35

Absolutely call SS and the police but also give the children your phone number please. Assuming they have a phone in the house it could make a huge difference. What if you had been out? Where would they have gone? To another neighbour presumably-what if that neighbour was a psycho?

SparklyMagpie · 20/07/2019 20:36

What would you have done then @Screamanger? Genuinely just wondering knowing there were children at your door saying they got out the window and their mum won't wake up and a baby is in there and shes not answering when you bang on the door

BogglesGoggles · 20/07/2019 20:37

And don’t be hard on yourself for not calling the police-I’m not sure it would have been my first thought either.

4under4our · 20/07/2019 20:38

Both my parents were addicts, quite frequently slept so deeply I couldn't really wake them.

If I'd have gone to a neighbour and told them this I'd have been in A LOT of trouble.

If you feel there is a possibility that this is the case please contact the police ASAP. I dread to think what my parents would have done to me in this situation.

Thump · 20/07/2019 20:39

I know what police would have done if they had been called. They'd have broken in.

As the children climbed out of the window, could you not have climbed in to check on the mum?

Why am I even responding to this shit.

Thump · 20/07/2019 20:40

The OP has done a dump and run. Don't expect any logical response to this thread...

Amibeingdaft81 · 20/07/2019 20:43

Are you being unreasonable?

Bloody hell - yes!!!

For not having contacted the police as soon as those children came to you.

Amibeingdaft81 · 20/07/2019 20:45

@BogglesGoggles

What would have been your first thought out of interest? A gaggle is children in your door step having climbed out of their house?

ReanimatedSGB · 20/07/2019 20:48

If I had encountered some kids saying they couldn't wake Mum up I would almost certainly have called 999. But if I had been able to rouse the mum by knocking, I would have at least asked her if she was all right. And I would have been considering things like: did the kids look dirty/underfed/neglected? Was the house a shit heap? Could I smell alcohol or weed? Because either the mum is ill, or she is neglectful, and either way, the family need help.

We had a little incident last year when 13-year-old DS, who was home alone and off-colour, managed to go out or the house, barefoot, without either keys or phone and lock himself: luckily a neighbour who knew him called first me and then his dad, and took him in for a bit. But the neighbours know us well, know that DS is not 'at risk' and that he had just been a complete div that afternoon.

RickOShay · 20/07/2019 20:54

Op you did the right thing, you took them in. Call SS in the morning.

FurrySlipperBoots · 20/07/2019 20:58

How bizarre. I struggle to believe this story. I think anyone's gut reaction on having neigbours children come round saying they couldn't wake their mum or baby sibling would be to call 999 immediately.

Lunde · 20/07/2019 20:59

Call the NSPCC helpline for advice
If you're worried about a child, or you work with children and need advice or information, call our helpline on 0808 800 5000 - we're here Monday to Friday 8am – 10pm or 9am – 6pm at the weekends.
www.nspcc.org.uk/what-you-can-do/get-advice-and-support/

Smellbellina · 20/07/2019 20:59

I was in a similar(ish) position once, I called SS eventually and they said to please call police if it happened again. Next time it was just the toddler that turned up naked from the waist down, I popped some trousers on and called police straight away. Officer came out and was useless but they did deal with it in the end.
Report to SS ASAP and if it happens again ring 101.

GreigLaidlawsbarofsoap · 20/07/2019 21:00

Yes YWBU by not immediately checking on the Mum (climb back in the window? Did you not think of this?) and when you couldn't rouse her after a few minutes then calling police/ambulance. Did it not occur to you she could be seriously ill with a baby still in there? Or even if out of it on drink/drugs could have choked on vomit/be having difficult breathing etc?

This is why basic first aid and safety protocols (and possibly common sense Hmm) needs to be taught in schools.

You do need to let SS know now at least. Whatever is going on, todays scenario is unacceptable neglect of the kids anyway, and if there is a cause it needs checked. She needs help one way or another as the kids sound frightened.

elfies · 20/07/2019 21:06

It sounds like she's diabetic

WorraLiberty · 20/07/2019 21:12

Christ a fuck live, you honestly have to ask, OP? Confused

Why didn't you ring the police as soon as the kids came over and said they couldn't wake their mum up and they thought there was as baby in the house??

WorraLiberty · 20/07/2019 21:13

*fucking live

I'm too confused to type!

NoSauce · 20/07/2019 21:13

OP are you still here? Have you had reason to be concerned previously about this family?

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 20/07/2019 21:15

This is a tough one because with older kids, mum could easily have put the baby to nap in their cot and then said put on a Disney film and said I’m going to have a lie down, come get me if you need me... kids being kids they don’t always tell 100% the truth. My son has told daddy that I left him when I was actually upstairs folding washing and had told him where I was....
However it sounds as if they were frightened. I think I personally would check on them and mum tomorrow, invite her for a cuppa. If it feels off then refer.

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa · 20/07/2019 21:22

I was in a similar scenario some years ago.

The person who could not be woken was seriously ill.

I think you took a chance not reacting straight away, OP, but it is not too late. I would chat this through with SS. Good luck.

Anyway, I hope you return to complete the story and tell us what the mum said when you she did come to the door? Did she seem ok?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 20/07/2019 21:23

You took 4 kids, 3 of which had just clkmbed out a window and were frightened after telling you they couldn't wake their Mum and there's a baby in the house, to bang on a door for 30 minutes and you simply didn't think to call the police? Hmm

Gosh, that's quite astounding really.