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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Giving up work to be a kid again

85 replies

Frugalfox · 20/07/2019 15:04

My step son is 20 and has a full time job. He has no special needs.

He’s just told us that he wants to give up work to enjoy still being a kid. My first reaction was to tell him he’s not a kid anymore which he agreed with but went onto say that he wanted to enjoy life while he still could.

He genuinely thinks that we’ll pay for him to “enjoy life”!

His dad is not reacting to this news, he rarely gets involved in anything that means conflict.

SS is very young for his age, he was recently spending time with his 12 year old cousin and apart from the physical differences there was very little that separated their attitude and behaviour.

I told him he needed to grow up and start to take responsibility for himself. If he gives up work how is he going to support himself? He still lives with mum and insists on retaining the child contact agreement that was put in place for him when he was 10 by staying with us EOW.

Was I/am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
LoudBatPerson · 20/07/2019 15:10

YANBU, at 20 he needs to start paying his own way and stop relying on his parents to find his lifestyle.

Has anyone sat him down and explained the disadvantage he will put himself in for later life? If he keeps trying to carry on as a kid he will never make a comfortable life for himself. How is going to want to employ someone who has sat on their arse doing nothing but "being a kid" in their twenties.

I suppose though it all comes down to his father bad mother to decide if they will bank roll this or not.

Malyshek · 20/07/2019 15:10

I'm maybe not the best person to answer as, in my country, it's fairly common for children to not work and focus on studying until they finish university (so, around 23). Of course some may have part time jobs but that is not necessarily expected. A kid doesn't stop being your responsibility on the day of their 18th birthday...

That said, he's not your son, so not your problem. If you don't wan't to give him money, don't. The rest is his parents' problem.

ilovesooty · 20/07/2019 15:16

It's utterly absurd. Is his mother going to give him money to sit on his backside?

Original poster
Frugalfox · 20/07/2019 15:17

As I’m married to his father then it is my concern as financially we’ll both be bank rolling him, along with his mum. So it’s not a case of leaving it to them.

He chose not to go to Uni as he preferred to stay at home. He managed to get a decent job but he’ll be throwing that away!

OP posts:
continuallychargingmyphone · 20/07/2019 15:18

You don’t like him, do you?

ilovesooty · 20/07/2019 15:19

I think it is your business and I'd be making it clear that you're having no part in bankrolling his idleness

Fraggling · 20/07/2019 15:19

He's not studying though.

Kids have to go to school. He wants an easier life than a kid.

He's being ridiculous.

pikapikachu · 20/07/2019 15:19

Yanbu

He needs to work now so that when people
his age graduate university then he will have preserved his trump card of having work experience.

20 is not a kid. Many 20 year olds are financially dependent on parents while they are in uni/saving for a home but they should be responsible for other areas of their lives.

NoSquirrels · 20/07/2019 15:21

Is your DH still paying CM for him?

PixiKitKat · 20/07/2019 15:21

Does he need help with wiping his arse too?

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 20/07/2019 15:22

Cringe for him.

Why does he have no adult friends? Colleagues? Old school friends?

Alsohuman · 20/07/2019 15:22

@continuallychargingmyphone, I don’t like him either. It’s high time he did a bit of growing up. Hopefully his mum will acquaint him with reality, OP.

Zebraaa · 20/07/2019 15:22

YANBU. Don’t we all wish we could live like that... sadly it’s not possible because we have to work to fund our own lifestyles.

lolaflores · 20/07/2019 15:22

This isn't a routine or dislike I think. That is a very crass comment. OP is just, unsurprisingly, dismayed at dss sense of entitlement to piss about despite being 20 years old.

continuallychargingmyphone · 20/07/2019 15:23

The boys relationship with his father isn’t her business.

newmomof1 · 20/07/2019 15:23

YANBU. I wish I could be bank-rolled by my parents.

Original poster
Frugalfox · 20/07/2019 15:23

@continuallychargingmyphone

I do actually like him a lot! I came into his life when he was a difficult age and he never once made me feel awkward or unwanted so I have a lot of time for him.

I think he’s making a terrible mistake.

I know step mums get a bashing on here and that comment is typical. If I was just mum you wouldn’t have said that.

OP posts:
lolaflores · 20/07/2019 15:23

That should read like it dislike. She may be fond if him but be unhappy with his decision

continuallychargingmyphone · 20/07/2019 15:23

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Original poster
Frugalfox · 20/07/2019 15:24

@continuallychargingmyphone

Why is it none of my business? You’re absurd.

OP posts:
continuallychargingmyphone · 20/07/2019 15:25

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Original poster
Frugalfox · 20/07/2019 15:25

Why would it not be true? I’m going to stop responding to you as you are just a step mum hater.

OP posts:
QueenBeee · 20/07/2019 15:26

Ask him to draw up a rough plan of this enjoying himself.
Most enjoying yourself includes play mates. I would think any playmates will be at school or work. And what can he do on his own 8/7 whilst others are working ? I spose lie in bed and game online.
If that is all he can come up with on his enjoyment plan he will have to told no way.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 20/07/2019 15:27

You never made him feel awkward or unwanted? Your post DRIPS with it, sweetheart. Give it up.

Try again. This time with reading.

continuallychargingmyphone · 20/07/2019 15:28

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