Giving up work to be a kid again

[Frugalfox]

My step son is 20 and has a full time job. He has no special needs.

He’s just told us that he wants to give up work to enjoy still being a kid. My first reaction was to tell him he’s not a kid anymore which he agreed with but went onto say that he wanted to enjoy life while he still could.

He genuinely thinks that we’ll pay for him to “enjoy life”!

His dad is not reacting to this news, he rarely gets involved in anything that means conflict.

SS is very young for his age, he was recently spending time with his 12 year old cousin and apart from the physical differences there was very little that separated their attitude and behaviour.

I told him he needed to grow up and start to take responsibility for himself. If he gives up work how is he going to support himself? He still lives with mum and insists on retaining the child contact agreement that was put in place for him when he was 10 by staying with us EOW.

Was I/am I being unreasonable?

What Basketofkittens said. Work is crap, especially a job you have drifted into and you find you hate. He's probably sitting there thinking, "This is the rest of my life and I can't face it," while his friends have put the grind of work off for another few years while going to uni. But I do agree with you, OP, he can't just chuck his job in and sit around the house every day. Have an honest conversation with him and if he ants to quit his job to see what else is out there, fine. He might like doing camps, getting involved with working for charities, anything, but he has to have some plan to find out what he WOULD like to do with the rest of his life. I also agree that he has to find some way of paying for it.

Work is dull, and your twenties are a great time to get out and explore the world and take risks and try out new things. Can you encourage him to put a plan together - he still has the right to work in the EU for the time being, what skills does he have? What jobs could he do to take himself round the world?

If he wants the summer off tell
Him to become an MP 🤷‍♀️

OP what does he do round the house?

Thing is, I'm 43 and I would love to be a kid in the sense of having no responsibilities - not in the sense of being told what to do.

If he is already in a good job he can take the chance and save up, then travel later. I have been in and out of contracts - I'm better at working full tilt and then having a couple of weeks off etc - but I worked really hard in my 20s because I still had the energy to do other stuff as well.

So is it worth pointing out he will still want to be a kid, but that doesn't change having bills to pay?

I think there's a real problem going on, culturally, with extended adolescence, so I realise you are fighting on that front too.

I agree, work is crap! I’ve worked for all of my adult life (since 16) and wish I’d had a chance to travel more, and experience more fun but reality isn’t like that sadly and we all have responsibilities. I think I’m more concerned because at 20 he doesn’t yet realise this.

He's not you.

You considered yourself a fully fledged adult from 17. That is exceptional and not the norm. You need to stop comparing him to yourself.

Developmentally we are not fully adult until around 25 years old. Being an "adult" from your 18th birthday is a western legal construct.

20 is young. Some 20 year olds seem grown up and are focused on building a career, having a family of their own and on pensions. Some feel grown up. Others aren't there yet. Some don't need or want any support, others need some, others still need a high level of support.

We're all different. Just deal with the person in front of you.

Is he not feeling any of the benefits of being an adult yet? I tolerated the poverty for the freedom.

eality isn’t like that sadly and we all have responsibilities. I think I’m more concerned because at 20 he doesn’t yet realise this.

Your reality wasn't like that. There's absolutely no reason why he can't travel and have fun but he needs to find a way to fund it that's not the bank of mum and dad. The only responsibility this particular 20 year old should have is himself

He could be into infantalism where he wants to be treated more like a kid because times were simpler then and he had less to worry about etc.

Of course he is an adult and that's not possible all the time but perhaps you guys could come to some sort of compromise? Honestly I think the best thing to do is talk to him and find out what he means.

^^ Yuck 🤢