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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I wrong or was DP?

108 replies

crossroadsmum · 19/07/2019 17:49

I have NC for this but long time lurker occasional poster.
I just want to know if I am being unreasonable about something that happened the other evening.
DD went to the gym. She is 18 and walked up there it's about a 20 minute walk, if that.
She called just as DP (not her dad) and I were sitting down to a late dinner. It was just starting to get dark and she was walking home and she said she was worried about a man acting strangely. He had been on the other side of the road and had slowed his pace to hers, then crossed over to walk behind her. He had stopped at a bus stop and then when she had turned round to check he had gone and she didn't know where he was and she didn't want to get off the main road to walk the quieter roads to home.
I said right I am coming to get you (she was only 5 mins away at this point so close to home). DP was really cross that I did this. He thinks she was manipulating me to get a lift. I think I did exactly the right thing. I believe there was a man that was worrying her even if he wasn't doing anything intentionally. He may have wanted to catch the bus but she was worried and that was enough for me.
So was I wrong? I dont think I was but thought I would ask the wise mumsnetters, thank you.

OP posts:
Coffeeisnecessary · 19/07/2019 17:51

Of course you did the right thing!

Aquamarine1029 · 19/07/2019 17:51

Your partner is a twat. Whatever the reason, deciding to pick up your daughter anytime you want to is precisely none of his business.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 19/07/2019 17:51

Your DP honestly wouldn’t have gone to collect her himself?

You definitely were NBU - if she’s scared / uneasy enough to call then you’re right to react.

Gatehouse77 · 19/07/2019 17:52

If any of mine rang (male or female) to say they felt unsafe I’d do the same because if they were trying to wheedle a lift they’d be more blatant!
So, unless your DD has form for manipulating you YANBU.

Iamanaubergine · 19/07/2019 17:52

You were not wrong at all to pick her up. Your DP is an idiot.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 19/07/2019 17:52

I'd have done exactly what you did OP, and I'd want my DD to do what yours did!

As for your DH

  1. he's a man, he's never experienced the kind of shit that makes women fear strange males acting weirdly

  2. he may well think she was at it, but is it ever worth the risk?

Sounds more like he was hacked off because you left at dinner time.

Bluntness100 · 19/07/2019 17:53

What an absolute weirdo your partner is. Is he often jealous if you do stuff for your kids?

I'd tell that to do one.

FadedRed · 19/07/2019 17:53

Yep, of course you were right to do that, no question.

InTheHeatofLisbon · 19/07/2019 17:53

DP sorry not DH

Saltnpepper5 · 19/07/2019 17:53

You did the right thing.

Super123 · 19/07/2019 17:53

You were right to do what you did.

HeartShapedBox · 19/07/2019 17:54

Of course you were in the right. And what would be the point in her making it up for a lift when she'd already walked 3 quarters of the way home and was less than 5 mins away?

Deemail · 19/07/2019 17:54

Your dp is an idiot. You did the right thing, keep making sure your dd knows to always ask for help if she feels vulnerable.

Goodnightjude1 · 19/07/2019 17:54

You definitely did the right thing. There isn’t a single person on the planet I wouldn’t ditch if any of my kids needed me.
There are some creepy people around and you made sure your daughter was safe.

MollyButton · 19/07/2019 17:54

YANBU!

DP needs to learn a lot - and I'd be looking at him differently now. Would he have come to get you if it had been you and you had phoned him just as the big match started on TV?

LannieDuck · 19/07/2019 17:54

YANBU. Your DH has probably never felt unsafe walking alone at night. Unfortunately it's something that women learn young.

Disfordarkchocolate · 19/07/2019 17:55

You were right to pick her up, I've been in her situation and it's horrible.

MulberryPeony · 19/07/2019 17:56

You did the right thing. So did your DD by the way. It takes guts to listen to your instincts. Your DP will not be able to comprehend it though being male.

5foot5 · 19/07/2019 18:00

Of course you were right and I suspect if your DP was your DD's dad he would have dropped everything to pick her up himself. I know my DH would in similar circumstances if our DD rang.

TheCrowFromBelow · 19/07/2019 18:00

Yanbu

Original poster
crossroadsmum · 19/07/2019 18:00

Oh wow thank you all so much. I felt I had done the right thing but he has a habit of making me doubt myself as far as my dc are concerned.
I would do the same for dd or my DS's.
To the pp's who said about how he wouldn't understand as he has never felt like that, I have actually had an argument about this before when he said that women do not get scared or worried any more because there is no need and more men get attacked than women.

OP posts:
rebeccalouise82 · 19/07/2019 18:00

Of course you did the right thing.

What your DP says makes no sense. If she was manipulating you, she would have asked you for a lift for the whole way home, not the last five minutes. And if she's actively gone somewhere to do exercise, why then not be arsed to walk?!

Your DP sounds like a twat.

Shoxfordian · 19/07/2019 18:01

How long has your dp been with you? Of course you did the right thing

NotSoSorry · 19/07/2019 18:01

Does DD often ask for lifts places? I think this makes a difference.

If she's usually pretty independent and gets about herself then of course YWNBU but if she's constantly asking for lifts to X, Y and Z and you've recently stopped pandering to her, then yes I would be suspicious she was making it up just to get a lift.

MummBraTheEverLeaking · 19/07/2019 18:03

YANBU and your 'D'P sounds like a knob.