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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using birthday money for essentials

135 replies

IceIceCoffee · 19/07/2019 06:57

I have a one year old they have so many toys. They have some birthday money from relatives. Would you save it or put it towards their new car seat as then it’s going on something useful?
I think I’d be unreasonable to put it towards the seat but not sure if it’s just parent guilt.
So would I be unreasonable to use it towards the seat?
Thanks

OP posts:
Housemum · 19/07/2019 09:50

If you can afford the car seat (I know you said it was doable so hopefully you can) I'd save the money. If it's over £100 why not buy some premium bonds? Interest rates are rubbish anyway. You can always get the money back if needed. I used to put DD1's money aside if she didn't spend it at birthdays, she needed up with half of the deposit on her flat over 22 years! (which ex-fiance is now trying to steal but that's another story...)

BirthdayDreamer · 19/07/2019 09:54

Unless I was absolutely strapped for the car seat money I'd save it for them. Can go towards a bigger gift in the future like outside play equipment, bikes, or something like music lessons or sessions even. Children get even more expensive as time goes on, as they become more involved with play and explore the world more, and also their needs change from small compact toys like jigsaws and soft toys and plastic tat to bigger cost items like (for example) playhouses, play kitchens, swings, bikes. Things that will challenge them physically and mentally not just as floor/high chair toys.

Buddyelf · 19/07/2019 09:55

If I gift money to a child I expect them too have something fun with it or to save until there was something they wanted. I’d certainly be unhappy with their parents using it to fund parenting basics.

I really disagree with this especially if the child is very young and money is tight. When I gift money or vouchers it doesn't come with a set of terms and conditions. Once that money is gifted its no longer mine and the recipient, or in this case of a very young child, a parent, can do what they like with it. I couldn't give 2 hoots if a parent decided to put some birthday money towards a car seat. I actually think its a very sensible thing to do with the money.

peachescariad · 19/07/2019 10:00

When my DS was born I was given some M&S vouchers - we were inundated with gifts being first baby, so I bought a much needed saucepan which we still use every day. DS (20) can take it with him if/when he moves out Grin

floribunda18 · 19/07/2019 10:00

Spend on what you need to, according to what you can afford - they are a baby and don't need lots of toys. They do, however, need a good car seat.

Heckythump1 · 19/07/2019 10:01

My daughter receives a large check every birthday from a wealthy relative, we use it to pay for her next term of ballet/swimming/whatever classes and whatever is left goes in her savings account.
Then I send a little thank you note with a photo of her doing whichever class/activity it has gone towards so they can see where it's gone :) always appreciated!

CaMePlaitPas · 19/07/2019 10:01

Depends on how much it is...

Personally though at that age I have used the DCs birthday/Christmas money on necessities.

It would be different if they were older though.

BirthdayDreamer · 19/07/2019 10:01

Oh and regarding the saving of money in an account they'll never see - my parents did this, made me put all my birthday and Christmas money straight in a post office account instead of spending it on toys. I wasn't allowed to even contemplate spending it on an actual toy.

I really enjoyed Hmm drawing out that £250 made up from £5 here and there through my entire childhood aged 24 to fund a bill Hmm (not even because I really really needed that money for a bill but because it was ridiculous that it was still sat gathering dust in an account I never used and never would. I didn't have loads of toys either, I was short on toys and what you might call nice things as my parents were overly careful with money even though we had it. The whole thing was ridiculous.

I would have much preferred it to be spent at the time on something fun (not necessarily bits of plastic tat but at least a swing or something long lasting) and for fun and enjoyment as it was intended to be used by the giver. Those relatives never meant for me to end up putting it towards a bill in my 20s, 20 years after giving it to me.

Chloemol · 19/07/2019 10:07

Put the money in a bank account for them until they are older

SparkyBlue · 19/07/2019 10:18

@Mrsjayy buying new clothes etc for your DC from birthday money is perfectly acceptable and it's only on here that people seem to have issues with it. I actually used next vouchers that my baby got to buy myself new stuff in the sale

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 19/07/2019 10:20

Sometimes the last thing kids need is more toys, if they have plenty already. It is environmentally irresponsible to buy more new toys just for the sake of it - I wonder how our kids will look back at their memories of piles of disposable plastic tat when they are grappling with the huge challenges of climate change in their 20s and 30s.

I think it's fine to save it, use it for essentials if necessary, or use it for classes/ experiences.

noenergy · 19/07/2019 10:28

@BirthdayDreamer similar happened with me, I had no toys growing up and was always given a small amount of money for special occasions which then had to be put in the bank. My parents were not short of money they just didn't like spending. I remember having to buy a bike and my own bedroom furniture with this money. It's still a sore point for me 30 years later.

Surely it's better spending it on something a child needs or wants.

I am considering using the money my kids got for Xmas for a theme park weekend or for days out this summer, would this be wrong? Otherwise I couldn't afford it.

Stompythedinosaur · 19/07/2019 10:32

If I was really struggling I'd use the money for essentials, but if not I would think that it is my job to pay for essentials and birthday money is for saving or fun stuff.

NoSauce · 19/07/2019 10:34

Use it for the car seat. If you’re strapped for cash it makes sense, you can always top up the money later.

User8888888 · 19/07/2019 10:37

I’ve saved money for when my girls are older but if I was less comfortable I’d have no hesitation using it for things like car seats etc. If I gave money as a gift, I’d be perfectly happy for it to be used for the child’s benefit in any way the parents felt fit.

Aprillygirl · 19/07/2019 10:40

I see it as the parents job to provide the necessities. Birthday money should be used to buy something that the child will actually get some enjoyment out of, if not now then later on when the child is old enough to decide what to use the money (you have hopefully saved for them) for.

Dieu · 19/07/2019 10:40

I would never put my child's money towards an essential item.

Aprillygirl · 19/07/2019 10:43

I can't believe there are people happily boasting that they have spent money gifted to their child on themselves. I guess stealing's ok as long as it's from a blood related child then Confused

coconuttelegraph · 19/07/2019 10:44

I would never put my child's money towards an essential item

Lucky you to have a working crystal ball that can tell you that you'll never be so skint that you need that money for essentials, it would foolhardy in the extreme to let your child go without food or shoes while you leave birthday money unspent

AE18 · 19/07/2019 10:44

If he has too many toys I would sell a bundle of the ones he doesn't use anymore and put that money towards the car seat instead. At 24 I finally used the birthday money I'd had accumulating in an account since I was born to buy a piece of a equipment me and my partner desperately needed to set up our business. You don't realise how practical that money might end up being when you give a 1 year old birthday money, obviously, but I think a slowly growing savings account is more valuable than a house full of toys that never get used.

That said, if not using the money for the seat would put you in a financial scrape then I would use it. It is being spent on them after all, so morally I don't think it's an issue.

Drogosnextwife · 19/07/2019 10:47

If you can't afford the car seat, use the birthday money. If you can, save the money. Your child is never going to know about the money, they are far too young to remember, and it's better spent on something useful that will keep them safe and you need.

happyhillock · 19/07/2019 10:48

If you need it use it and put it back later

Itwasntme101 · 19/07/2019 10:48

Use it for the car seat, maybe upgrade slightly from the one you were going to get to a more comfy one. And don't feel guilty I'm sure over the next 17 years and beyond you will spend more than the cost of a car seat buying little treats and for days out.

Ponoka7 · 19/07/2019 10:48

A car seat is an essential and unless the Parent is absolutely skint then it shouldn't be used for that.

Spending on a day out, a child's bedroom, extra nice bedding is fine, but not essentials.

You should be opening a bank account or ISA.

Days out cost a fortune and it would be nice to have a bit saved for gift shop etc visits.

pooopypants · 19/07/2019 11:04

If the car seat is already budgeted for, use your money for that and bank DC's money.

I find it easier to save money If I have a lump to start with, even just £50 for example. I just add to the lump sum and it soon adds up.

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