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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Using birthday money for essentials

135 replies

IceIceCoffee · 19/07/2019 06:57

I have a one year old they have so many toys. They have some birthday money from relatives. Would you save it or put it towards their new car seat as then it’s going on something useful?
I think I’d be unreasonable to put it towards the seat but not sure if it’s just parent guilt.
So would I be unreasonable to use it towards the seat?
Thanks

OP posts:
Namechangesareus · 19/07/2019 08:46

When I give people money for their birthday then to be honest I don’t really care what they spend it on so if you got the car seat I wouldn’t have an issue whatsoever.

leiderhosen · 19/07/2019 09:01

I remember getting all the money I'd been given over the years for birthdays/Christmas etc when I was eighteen. It ended up as about a week's wages in a summer job, i.e, not a lot! Inflation takes a lot and it takes a long time to add up to anything significant. You're obviously a concerned parent. It's better for your family to have the money now and your situation is likely to improve and you can put money aside later. I'd put the money on the car seat and not feel guilty.

Eliza9919 · 19/07/2019 09:01

Put it in the bank. It's not yours to spend.

mindutopia · 19/07/2019 09:03

I think that's fine. We did. We got quite a bit of 1st birthday money (about £200) from family for our first as they live far away and we had plenty of toys. She already had a savings account that we each pay into monthly and grandparents occasionally do as well, so she had plenty of savings already for a barely 12 month old (didn't really need more).

We used her birthday money to put towards buying her an ERF seat (this was back when they were much more expensive than today, about £380) and then we added in the rest. I figured that kids don't really need toys, nor do they need loads of savings before they're even 2 (she's 6 now and has more in her account that either of us do!). But they do need safe car seats and that meant we could easily buy her the best one that fit our car. I can't think of many better things to spend that money on really.

whirlwinds · 19/07/2019 09:04

My ds has a fond that money can go into, any money that comes to him is split into 3, one for cash saving, one for things he wants and one for something he needs. We are trying to teach him that money is not to be wasted and we don't need to buy everything he sees so he will have a limit on how many things to buy but also be made aware of what he will then not be able to buy so he gets to think about it. He is becoming very good at saving money. At 1, any money that came for his birthday/Christmas went towards things he needed, this was with the families wishes that it be spent in such a way.

Upanddownandroundagain · 19/07/2019 09:04

If you feel guilty, maybe pay for half of the car seat and use the rest of the money for something else? Personally, if I give a small child money it’s because I want the parents to choose what to spend it on, so I’d be very happy with that if it’s what you need.

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 19/07/2019 09:08

I definitely would not use birthday money for an essential. It really isn’t a ‘present’ for the child. If there is no need for extra toys presently I’d open a savings account and put it in there and save up for bigger play items as they become appropriate.

herculepoirot2 · 19/07/2019 09:11

I wouldn’t myself. A car seat is something I provide because I decided to have a child. Money given to my child as a present is for her.

StoppinBy · 19/07/2019 09:13

I would put it in a bank account for the child.

Opossooom · 19/07/2019 09:16

Nope i think this is totally acceptable. It’s ridiculous how much little ones get spent on them for unnecessary shit they will never play with. Said mothers often put a picture of over 50 toys for their children on Facebook but leave them on an iPad for hours and not engage in the play whilst they watch love island or scroll Facebook. Judgemental YUP but see it all the time. Do it, your children will get More use out of it - as long as the money isn’t used for you I don’t see the problem.

Ginger1982 · 19/07/2019 09:16

When my DM gives money for DS I know she likes to think that it buys something for him so I would put it towards the seat then if folk ask what you used it for you can tell them. Wouldn't use it for things like nappies though.

teenmum18 · 19/07/2019 09:17

I would and have done in the past.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/07/2019 09:19

Wait another 10 years and your D.C. will be wanting trainers at £100+ with clothes to match. This money will come in handy then. If your circumstances change and you need it in the meantime, borrow / use it. Otherwise save it.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 19/07/2019 09:25

I said YABU in the poll but if you will otherwise struggle to pay for seat then i think it's absolutely fine to use it for that so I've changed my mind.

Booboo66 · 19/07/2019 09:30

Spend it on the seat if you need to. I've never been in a position to save and often spend DC's birthday money on things for them out of necessity.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 19/07/2019 09:32

If possible, I'd keep it, save it or spend (some or all) on a day out.

allflownthenest · 19/07/2019 09:32

Open their own bank account. when my 2 were 18 they had about 2k each!

Oysterbabe · 19/07/2019 09:34

I'd put it in a savings account. I wouldn't make my child buy their own car seat.

Mrsjayy · 19/07/2019 09:36

I used to buy my children clothes and shoes with birthday money is this also frowned upon ?

SuperheroBirds · 19/07/2019 09:41

I am aware that my brother and sister in law are often a bit short on extra cash, so as a family we normally offer to club together to buy car seats, proms, etc as birthday presents, so I don’t think there would be anything wrong with putting the money towards something your child needs. It isn’t like they are going to remember what someone got them for their first birthday!

Oysterbabe · 19/07/2019 09:44

I wouldn't do it Mrsjayy if it's essentials that they need. You'd have had to buy them anyway so the gift is really a gift for you and not your children. It's different if they are clothes that they want rather than need and different if you are struggling on the bones of your arse.

Floralnomad · 19/07/2019 09:44

I would save it - it’s a short step from car seats to school clothes with an older child’s money and that’s not on .

ScatteredMama82 · 19/07/2019 09:46

I wouldn't use it for a car seat unless I really had to. I don't buy them more stuff with birthday money, I put it in their savings account. If there is something they really want then they can use that money to buy it.

Beautiful3 · 19/07/2019 09:47

I've used a child's birthday money to buy them their chosen design booster seat. I put the rest into their isas. The interest is good.

cloudyinjune · 19/07/2019 09:49

I would save it, that is what we are doing, however, I find these comments about you needing to spend it on a toy or something fun a bit interesting.
My parents didn't open a savings account for me or spent all birthday money on me or toys.
It was all family money.
They spent lots on me on holidays, extra curricular activities, further education, days out.
So I see no problem in using the money where needed.
If we struggled financially in the future as a family, the money will be used

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