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Original poster

To feel heartbroken for dd after we've taken away her dummy

92 replies

tangytomato · 17/07/2019 20:22

She's 3 and a half, I know many people have strong opinions on dummies and will think that's far too old already but it was only for sleep and tbh I would've preferred to wait until she was ready to give it up herself but the dentist says it's affecting her teeth so we took it away on Monday. She was very upset on Monday night and dh stayed with her till she fell asleep but she did sleep through. Yesterday was better but tonight she was upset again and asking for her dummy and I stayed with her till she fell asleep this time.

Just wondered if any of you have experience of giving up dummies at this age? How long before they completely forget about it?
She was still napping a couple of times a week but that's obviously gone out of the window so she's pretty tired.

I just feel quite sad for her! We have explained about the teeth and being a big girl etc and got her a present as a reward.

OP posts:
WhenZogateSuperworm · 17/07/2019 20:24

I don’t have advice but I’m having to do the same to my 2.9 year old over the summer holidays. I’ve started talking about it with him and he is distraught at the idea. Been trying to get him exciting about a toy to swap for it but nothing is taking his interest and he just says he wants to keep his dummy.

I need to bite the bullet and just do it but he is going to be so upset.

Magellan50 · 17/07/2019 20:26

All my DC screamed blue murder when I took it away for good but none of them have ever remembered more than 3/4 days down the line. Hang in there!

Butchyrestingface · 17/07/2019 20:27

I had dummies until I was past 4. Apparently my record was six in the mouth simultaneously. Grin Nobody ever bought me a present either when my collection was eventually prised from my unwilling gums. You sound like a nice mum.

Honestly, her jaws/teeth will thank you for it later.

Alas, poor Dummy, I knew him...

Queenioqueenio · 17/07/2019 20:27

I think you just need to give it more time. It will take a while but it’s for the best long term.
We went through the same (but thumb sucking) at 3.5 as the dentist has said it pulled her teeth forward, and I couldn’t see it at the time but looking back on pictures it really had. Give her lots of extra cuddles in the meantime.

BillywilliamV · 17/07/2019 20:28

Don’t think my 15yo ever recovered from having her dummy taken away. Love to be able to stick one in her gob now!

TeachesOfPeaches · 17/07/2019 20:29

I read a tip on MN and it worked like a dream! My son was 3 and OBSESSED with all of his dummies. The trick was to simply cut the tips off the top of the dummies and my son rejected them himself as they don't suck properly and he quickly forgot all about them! I couldn't believe it.

AllFourOfThem · 17/07/2019 20:31

I think you have to focus on how much more devastated you’d be if she needed major, painful dental work or if she kept her dummy and was cruelly bullied in school. It’s tough for both of you but it will get easier.

soulrunner · 17/07/2019 20:31

It took me 5 nights with dc1 aged 3 but then it was done forever whereas dc2 is a thumb sucker and that’s a whole other nightmare ( puts another fiver in the braces jar)

suchasoftersin · 17/07/2019 20:34

We used the 'dummy fairy' technique. My DD 3 was obsessed with her dummy but she was waking in the night frequently crying for it so we decided to get rid. We told her about the fairy who would bring her a special toy in exchange for the dummy (which would go to a little baby). She chose the toy, when it was delivered the toy came out of the box, then gave her the choice again to keep the toy or the dummy. she put the dummy into the box and that was that. She cried that night for the dummy so we explained again she could have the dummy but the toy would be returned and she chose the toy. Worked really well and literally had no upset after that first night.

PotolBabu · 17/07/2019 20:34

She’ll be fine in a few days. We did it at 2 with one son and 7 months with the other. The 2 year old cried for a couple of nights but slept through. The 7 month old barely noticed. In the nicest possible way heartbroken may be a little OTT no? After all she only has the dummy because an adult gave it to her and you have made a conscious decision that it’s not good for her. I think you have to keep the bigger picture in mind. As a parent we have to do this all the time (vaccinations, waking them up on a Monday morning!)

Elvesdontdomagic · 17/07/2019 20:35

In what way does it affect her teeth? My 15yo still sucks her thumb regularly, she might need a brace for a slight overbite but that's about it.

My 3 year old has a dummy and it's just for sleep usually. It's not bothering me or her.

If you're not comfortable with your decision then you can change your mind. If you are but dislike seeing her upset that's very normal and it should pass pretty soon hopefully!

JazzyGG · 17/07/2019 20:37

I took my kids dummies away at same time, told them the new babies in the hospital needed them and with my eldest we even put them in the post box! Worked a treat and they were both addicts!

TooMinty · 17/07/2019 20:42

I know it's too late for the dummy fairy to swap it for a cuddly toy, but why not take her shopping to choose one to cuddle in bed?

Original poster
tangytomato · 17/07/2019 20:46

I know it's too late for the dummy fairy to swap it for a cuddly toy, but why not take her shopping to choose one to cuddle in bed?

Yes I might do that, her bed is pretty overcrowded already and she has a toy she's had since birth which kind of came as a pair with her dummy! but I think that's a nice idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
tangytomato · 17/07/2019 20:48

In what way does it affect her teeth? My 15yo still sucks her thumb regularly, she might need a brace for a slight overbite but that's about it.

The dentist mentioned an overbite.

OP posts:
Alb1 · 17/07/2019 20:49

DS was past 4 when we got rid of his. We made a big deal of posting it to the tooth fairy, he decorated the envelope and we went to the post office and posted them off (to auntie, pretending to be tooth fairy), then he excitedly waited for the tooth fairy’s reply (which she did) and it sort of distracted him a little. He soon forgot all about them. I think I probably found it harder than he did Blush

Groovee · 17/07/2019 20:49

My Dd was just a month off turning 3. Perseverance was the way forward. It took about 5 nights.

She had started trying to take her brother's dummy which was why we decided to give the dummy to Santa. She told me to phone Santa to take the presents back and give her dummy back. But she did get over it. It was tough with an 8 week old too. But we persevered and kept strong and she was fine x

Original poster
tangytomato · 17/07/2019 20:50

. As a parent we have to do this all the time (vaccinations, waking them up on a Monday morning

Yes that's a good way of thinking of it! I think she does seem to get it kind of, she's not angry or anything just sad!
Thanks to everyone who says it should only last a few days! Fingers crossed.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 17/07/2019 20:51

I had a dummy past 5 and when my mum threw it away...I snuck into my little sisters bedroom and pinched hers Grin

I’m 30 now and never had a filling

My dd didn’t give her dummy up until she was 4. However we restricted it to bedtime only and eventually she gave it up naturally

MadameRenard · 17/07/2019 20:52

I have to do this with dd2, she is 4.5 (very late I know but there are reasons) she is slightly younger mentally than an average 4 year old. I am dreading it but will be tackling it during the summer holidays. Good luck with it.

DappledThings · 17/07/2019 20:54

We did it with DS at 3 and a bit. Only took 2 days and he was fine even though he saw his baby sister still getting one

Camomila · 17/07/2019 20:57

I would just persevere, I had to stop breastfeeding DS cold turkey at 3 (because of medication, so I couldnt give in even if i wanted to)

The first 2-3 nights werent great, but by day 4 or 5 he had completly forgotton about it. I was surprised, as I thought itd take longer.

BlueJag · 17/07/2019 20:59

@BillywilliamV that's funny 😂 I don't think I'll take it away but maybe because I have a 13 year old that still sucks his thumb.
I just had to let him be because I can't take the thumb away.
He will be having braces in September but he would have had them regardless.
I asked the dentist and he said the two things were not related.

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 17/07/2019 22:48

My stepson screams bloody murder for his dummy! He's 2.5 and it affected how he was forming words plus we feel once they can ask for it they're too old for it. It is very difficult though because he sees his mum for a day or two per week and she lets him keep it out all day apart from when he eats.

I have a 4 year old but have no previous experience of this because I had heard it can be rough to take them away so I never bought any! I'm planning to do the same with the baby I'm pregnant with but that may be easier said than done as he/she will be totally different!

My mum suggested a reward each day then one final one at the end of the week for example, day 1: sticker, day 2: pennies/a pound etc to put in his money jar, anything really. Day 7 could be being taken out somewhere which could range from the park/going out for cake or ice cream/going to the zoo etc.

TwistyTop · 18/07/2019 00:12

It will probably only last for a few days. They forget stuff like this very quickly

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