To feel heartbroken for dd after we've taken away her dummy

[tangytomato]

She's 3 and a half, I know many people have strong opinions on dummies and will think that's far too old already but it was only for sleep and tbh I would've preferred to wait until she was ready to give it up herself but the dentist says it's affecting her teeth so we took it away on Monday. She was very upset on Monday night and dh stayed with her till she fell asleep but she did sleep through. Yesterday was better but tonight she was upset again and asking for her dummy and I stayed with her till she fell asleep this time.

Just wondered if any of you have experience of giving up dummies at this age? How long before they completely forget about it?
She was still napping a couple of times a week but that's obviously gone out of the window so she's pretty tired.

I just feel quite sad for her! We have explained about the teeth and being a big girl etc and got her a present as a reward.

The trick was to simply cut the tips off the top of the dummies and my son rejected them himself as they don't suck properly and he quickly forgot all about them

I could actually see that working quite well. Things you have to do!

You'll get more help on Netmums.

What does that mean @bettyspants?

My first was obsessed with hers and again it was the dentist who said it had to go. She was 3 1/2 by the time we decided to properly go for it after months of build up. I have to say that she still says she misses it and she is 6 1/2! She does have a wee sister now similarly obsessed so I presume that’s the issue.

It sounds like you are all doing really well so stick at it

Do stick to your guns with this. My dummy was taken after the age of 4 and I immediately began thumb sucking. Now at 34 I have a deformed jaw and arthritis in my hands from thumb sucking/hair twiddling.
I'm just in the process of finally recovering from the compulsion and I have a long road ahead with braces and therapy to correct the damage. I so wish I'd had my dummy taken earlier, before I'd had the wherewithal to decide on replacing it with the thumb!

I blamed it completely on the dummy fairy. Said they needed it for another young baby now but she'd left strict instructions for us to go get a big girl toy instead.
She was quite cross with the dummy fairy, and said she was mean. But by night two she settled fine and I think maybe asked for it only once more.
Dd was around 3 when we did it. No discussion. Just it went.

Honestly op, he’s not going to remember and this isn’t going to scar him for life - but his teeth being buggered will. I find the whole dummy fairy thing weird. It’s going to impact you more than it is him.

Cruel to be kind!

You’ll have harder decisions to make later in life.

Definitely cut the tops off, just a tiny hole will do. It makes it far less awful for everyone. Tell her she wore them out. Oh well.

We got a shiny gift bag and put them in with a letter for the postman asking him to pass them on to the little children who had none and put it in the post box. Gawd knows what the postie thought but it worked. She was 2 and a half and her teeth were getting wonky.

To feel " heartbroken" is a bit ott
But to feel sad for her, fair enough.
But she'll be all right though. Might take a few nights. Hang in there op

Dd had a dummy until she was about 5, bed times only latterly. She got embarrassed when one of her school friends saw it in her bedroom.

DS still sucks his thumb in bed, he's 12!

Cutting the tops off is interesting. I might go for a combination of that and the dummy fairy with dd when the time comes.

Do you remember anything when you were 3 years old? I don’t. There’s your answer

Sticker chart all the way at that age !
And I wouldn't worry about naps, they start school aged 4 so they need to be long past naps by then x

Do you remember anything when you were 3 years old? I don’t. There’s your answer

I do. I’m sure I’m not alone. There’s your answer.

I took my sons dummy away a month ago (he turns 3 this month). He stopped asking regularly after a week and has only mentioned it when he's seen someone else with one.

Also I just did it cold turkey. Said I couldn't find it one night. Negotiations wouldn't have worked with DS.

Do you remember anything when you were 3 years old? I don’t. There’s your answer

I do, I remember having my dummy. I remember being at my childminders aged 2/3

Cold turkey

At 2.5 Dd left dummies In a box and was replaced with a bag of goodies from the dummy fairy.

She didn't give a monkeys TBH.

She only ever used them for sleep anyway.

I understand. You feel mean taking their comfort object away. We're going through the same thing at the moment (3 nights so far). Dc2 is so tired after sleeping badly without it but normally her comfort at the end of the day would be her dummy!
Dc1 stopped being sad at night after 3-4 nights. However a year after he stopped having it , he told me he still missed it. That made me feel bad! (he was 4 by then).

On the motivational side, the dentist told me he can't tell dc1 ever had a dummy now so it was Worth it.

Last tip, dc1 started sucking his fingers instead for a while and I wish I'd been quicker from the start at telling him to stop before the habit formed.

Dd was 4 when we too them off her. She also only had them for sleeping but had one in her mouth and then about four which she held in her hands. She loves those little collectible hatchimals so as we had a bumper pack from Amazon she had one every morning for few days and then a present after a week - something which we were planning on buying anyway!

She was fine, slept as usual but was very sad at each bedtime. Even six month later, if I see her stir in the night when I tuck her in her mouth still searches for the dummy. Once she did it though, she realised she did not need them.

My little sister is 5 years younger than me, and we have two older brothers and an older sister.

We just all gently bullied her until she gave up (that's the way we always have been, we still are, and she was 4 at the time so she understood!) and told her only baby's have dummies, etc etc.
She threw it in the bin then would miss it a few days later, so my mom would give her another.
Eventually she told her "this is the last one, we don't have any more."
After a day or two she threw that one away too, and that was that.

Disclaimer: we have all become fully functioning, fairly successful adults. The 'bullying' didn't do any damage

I do feel for you. Could you make her an appointment to see a nice dentist. I say this because my daughter when she was very little had a dummy at night and I was dreading taking it away.

When we took her to her first dentist appointment the dentist said her "bite" was out slightly and put it down to her having a dummy. He said that we must stop the dummy straight away and to be honest I felt awful but when I spoke to my dd about it afterwards she was fine about not having the dummy. More so I think because the dentist explained it to her - even though she commented to me on the way out of the dentist's room "I DON'T LIKE THAT GRUMPY OLD MAN". (her teeth are fine by the way).

Another way I have heard is that some people make a little box with an opening and tell the children to post their dummy in the box so it can be "donated" to a younger child and the child gets a little present in return for being so kind. Good luck...

I had a dummy till I was five. I still remember very clearly the comfort it gave me, and every time I hear of people forcing children to give them up it makes me shudder inwardly!

Yes I had a brace in later years. It was no big deal. Personally, I’d much rather that than have had my beloved dummy taken away when I was a toddler.

But I realise this is an unfashionable view and I will be a lone voice in the wilderness.

We took DS's dummy away 6 weeks ago, just after he turned 4. We went completely cold turkey, we explained that he was too old for him and binned them, we got him a little reward after one week without it. He's been much more difficult to get to sleep since then. He's went from settling straight away and sleeping through with a dummy, to waking up 3 or 4 times a night. He doesn't ask for the dummy anymore though, that only lasted a few days. Tbh I kind of regret taking it away, but the dentist said it was causing problems so it had to go.