To feel heartbroken for dd after we've taken away her dummy

[tangytomato]

She's 3 and a half, I know many people have strong opinions on dummies and will think that's far too old already but it was only for sleep and tbh I would've preferred to wait until she was ready to give it up herself but the dentist says it's affecting her teeth so we took it away on Monday. She was very upset on Monday night and dh stayed with her till she fell asleep but she did sleep through. Yesterday was better but tonight she was upset again and asking for her dummy and I stayed with her till she fell asleep this time.

Just wondered if any of you have experience of giving up dummies at this age? How long before they completely forget about it?
She was still napping a couple of times a week but that's obviously gone out of the window so she's pretty tired.

I just feel quite sad for her! We have explained about the teeth and being a big girl etc and got her a present as a reward.

I think you can put the dummy inside a Build a Bear so they've still got it but not to suck iyswim?

My son didn't want to give his up and we tried many different ways then one night my ex husband cut the top of and when he put it in his mouth he took it out, looked at it and threw it across the room and that was that. My daughter just gave hers to me one night when I said you're a big girl now. Third child I can't remember.

Good luck op.

Our son was the same age OP. We were gearing up for getting the dummy gone, but we'd just moved (twice in 2.5 months), my dad had just died and my nan was very poorly. But we were forced to by our HV by saying she would report us to SS if we didn't. However, we were lucky that it was the run up to xmas - so we said to our DS that Santa was going to come and take his dummy away to give to another little baby, because he was a big boy now - and in return Santa was going to leave him some lovely presents to say thank you for being such a kind boy. 2 nights of hell, but after that he just wasn't bothered. I also bought him a story book by Jill Mansell called "The Last Noo-Noo" about a little monster whom everyone thought was far too old to have a dummy and how he came to give up his dummy all by himself. Now THAT was a good book and helped enormously.

I'm in the middle of this right now - got rid of dummy at night for DS (3.5) as I noticed his overbite getting worse and I feel like I've broken him ... he's spent 5 nights just not being able to get himself back to sleep easily
Last night though, he slept better, so maybe we're starting to some out the other side ....

@Angech74 report you to SS for dummy !!!! What madness is this ???

*I had a dummy till I was five. I still remember very clearly the comfort it gave me, and every time I hear of people forcing children to give them up it makes me shudder inwardly!

Yes I had a brace in later years. It was no big deal. Personally, I’d much rather that than have had my beloved dummy taken away when I was a toddler.

But I realise this is an unfashionable view and I will be a lone voice in the wilderness.*

You're not alone. I haven't taken away my 3yo's dummy because I don't see the point! I did the dummy fairy with eldest when she was 3 and she cried for a week at night then sucked her thumb forever more! She's nearly 16 and always got her thumb in her mouth!

I don't see the urgency with comforters used solely for sleep times and I think parents are often over sensitive to what profs and dentists think. An overbite can happen with thumb suckers and it's just one of those things! I have a slight overbite because I sucked 2 fingers until I was 19. Never had a dummy! It's worse with thumb and finger sucking because you can't monitor that! A child who wants to suck will I think. Why does it matter how old you are?

I think it's more a social issue than an issue of health. You do get parents allowing kids to walk around slurring words through a dummy but everyone knows it's not a good idea to do that. I give my kids sweets but not all day long as eventually it will rot their teeth! I don't never give them sweets in case it might one day cause a cavity. It's about proportion imo.

We cut the tops off our DD when she was about 3. She used to have dummies everywhere and we cut the tops off every single one, it meant we never actually took the dummies off her - they just stopped giving her the usual comfort. If she asked for her dummy we would give it to her (the broken ones) and after a few seconds she would spit it out. We never had any crying or upset as we never had to refuse to give her one, she just stopped asking after a few days and that was it !

Yes I had a brace in later years. It was no big deal. Personally, I’d much rather that than have had my beloved dummy taken away when I was a toddler.

I had a brace for years and hated it.

Everyone who says just cut a hole in them..I'm pretty sure my dd would just ask for one that isn't broken! It definitely isn't a social issue for us, she has it for sleep and like I said I would much rather have waited until she was ready, but when a dentist looks in your daughter's mouth and says "does she suck her thumb of have a dummy? it's affecting her bite, you need to get rid" then it seems kind of neglectful not to, right?

I agree with you OP.
If a doctor told you she needed antibiotics for an infection, you'd give them to her, so why would you ignore advice from another medical professional?

I HATED my braces too. I'd do anything to avoid DD having to have them!

Op i agree, I had braces for years and hated them. I had a dummy til I was 4 then sucked my thumb.
I noticed my sons teeth starting to have an open bite and I got rid that week.

@BillywilliamV that made me LOL

@suchasoftersin I did exactly the same with my 3 year old son, except we had a policeman friend hand deliver his present dressed in full uniform, my son was like .

Worked a treat though. The only thing I would do differently is not do it on his actual 3rd birthday - it was sad to hear him crying himself to sleep on his special day. He was fine after that.

Yeah, you need to do it - plus orthodontics might not be free for kids much longer (is it even now?).

She's allowed to be upset. It's OK. I know it's hard and you're not silly for feeling heartbroken at making her upset but you will get through this and so will she. In fact, not only are you doing a good thing for her teeth but you're showing her the value of stopping doing something because it's bad for you. If you can listen to her upset and understand it (while standing firm) you're teaching her something about managing her emotions too. Win - win - win.

@OakElmAsh
The HV we had come out and see us when we moved (and moved Drs) was a total battle axe. She honestly thought we were harming our child by letting him have his dummy beyond the age of 2. She thought it a safeguarding issue ffs under the category of risk of future harm/neglect

I still remember giving up my dummies and bottles at 3. I was asked to give them to children who hadn't got any - and I remember it vividly because my response was that it was sad they hadn't got any, so I'd keep one bottle and one dummy and they could have the rest of mine. That was fair. I was confused for a couple of years afterwards as to why I had to give up all of them!

Please don’t relent. I wish I’d been stronger with my child. She has had dental issues as a teen. Don’t give it back stick to it. No more dummy.

We did the dummy fairy, got a little book off Amazon an read it, then put all her dummies in a bag an swapped it in the night for a little doll and a bag of chocolate. She did ask for it for a couple of nights but she was fine after the first few. She was 3.5 an that was a year ago, she still remembers her dummy and occassionally asks about it, but not for it.

Yes I did feel really sad for her when I took DD1's dummy away at about 2 and a bit. She was upset at bedtime for a week. Now she is 14 years old, I can assure you they do survive! DD2 never took to one.

Been there OP

To give it back now would be cruel - as you will have to take it away again.

I actualy did the back and forth thing (very ashamed of it!) and as my husband pointed out, it was unfair on my daughter.

It broke my heart to see her crying and asking for it- if it hadn't been for my husband I would have caved everytime.

We gave my 4 year olds collection of about 30 dummies to Santa at nursery to give to poor children (not really lol). DD got a gift from Santa in return. She is 15 now and doesnt need braces. She still mentions dummy wistfully sometimes lol

With DS the dentist (who my DS loves) told him he needed to throw it away because it was hurting his teeth. My DS refused it from that moment on.

With DD, we told her they wouldn't let her into the movies if she had a dummy in her mouth because movies were for big kids. She threw it in the bin and never asked for it again.

I think I got off fairly easily.

It’s a flash in the pan guys! A week or two tops. And the open bite remedies itself incredibly quickly. My daughter on”y had it at night but slept 13/14 hours plus naps so her bite was awful(we didn’t notice it, dentist showed us that none of her teeth actually met, severe open bite). She also had a lisp that a speech therapist said was dummy related.

We sent them all in a package to th dummy fairy and posted it. Dummy fairy brought her a present, cuddly toy I think. I can’t actualy remember it so can’t have been that bad.

Don’t be sad, be elated that you’ve made a healthy decision at exactly the right time.

Yup, I hate my braces too, OP.

I mean, seriously, I don't think anyone has ever said "I'm so grateful that I had to have months of dental treatment in my teens because my parents took the path of least resistance when I was little" .

I really sympathise because it sucks when they cry, but you're doing the right thing.

I am not scarred by it and have managed to become a confident and competent adult but I do remember having my dummy taken.

I suppose though it could be the way it was done.

My father one day just suddenly plucked it out my mouth and threw it in the fire so my memory is watching it burn, I even all these years later can see it sitting in the flame!

I think the reality is I had probably been told multiple times it was time but obviously I don't remember that all I remember is the feeling of an empty mouth and it sitting in the flames.

It fine though I don't look back with tears at the horrible memory of the day my parents ruined my life it just a memory, no emotion attached to it..

To add though they couldn't do that to my brother because he hated a dummy and only sucked his thumb!