To feel heartbroken for dd after we've taken away her dummy

[tangytomato]

She's 3 and a half, I know many people have strong opinions on dummies and will think that's far too old already but it was only for sleep and tbh I would've preferred to wait until she was ready to give it up herself but the dentist says it's affecting her teeth so we took it away on Monday. She was very upset on Monday night and dh stayed with her till she fell asleep but she did sleep through. Yesterday was better but tonight she was upset again and asking for her dummy and I stayed with her till she fell asleep this time.

Just wondered if any of you have experience of giving up dummies at this age? How long before they completely forget about it?
She was still napping a couple of times a week but that's obviously gone out of the window so she's pretty tired.

I just feel quite sad for her! We have explained about the teeth and being a big girl etc and got her a present as a reward.

I don't think anyone has ever said "I'm so grateful that I had to have months of dental treatment in my teens because my parents took the path of least resistance when I was little

I did. A few posts up

but when a dentist looks in your daughter's mouth and says "does she suck her thumb of have a dummy? it's affecting her bite, you need to get rid" then it seems kind of neglectful not to, right?

I don't think it's neglectful to make your own decision? You weigh up advice and decide what decision to make. By the sound of it you've already decided anyway. My point was that other people do not have the ultimate say. You worded your post very strongly saying you felt 'heartbroken'. I'm pointing out you have a choice regardless what the dentist thinks.

Don't stay with her all the time as she'll just replace the dummy with you staying.

you should see the brace that my 11 year old has just been given after sucking her thumb for so many years that it has changed her whole jaw. Be grateful you can take a dummy away. She will forget it within a week

I remember doing this with my niece. We did it at Christmas and told her that Santa needed it for the reindeer. She happily handed it over

Well it's day 5 and she hasn't even mentioned it tonight and went to sleep straight away without us needing to comfort her, she was exhausted tbf! Hopefully we're over the worst of it.

Mine were 12 months when I took them away and I'd urge everyone to do it this early - they can't complain if they can't talk 😂

I remember doing this with my niece. We did it at Christmas and told her that Santa needed it for the reindeer. She happily handed it over smile

DS happily gave his away to the baby reindeer when he was about 3 years old

Yes it is neglectful not to get rid of it. My SIL was so embarrassed when a family member (who is a dentist) commented to her on her children’s “dummy mouths”. It can change the whole shape of their jaw and their bite and set them up for problems later on down the track. Quite simply it’s bad parenting. It is hard getting rid of it but you just have to bite the bullet. I cut the top off my daughters at 2. She got annoyed, kept throwing it out of the cot, then forgot about it in three or four days. Job done. Good luck!

Sure, thanks @breaker

My son still has his (he has very recently turned 4), he only has it when we are having our sofa cuddles/story time. I’m hoping I may be able to take it away when he starts school in September, he’s had a tricky start so everything is that bit harder.

4!!!! Yeah sure why not even let him bring it to school? Nothing says making up for a tricky start like leaving until school time to take away his dummy 🙄

Have you ever raised a highly traumatised, neglected and abused adopted child? I’ll follow the advice of his multiple specialists rather than an internet random.

I once got told that my children (from babies) only sucked their thumbs because they were neglected and she felt sorry for them because it was an indication that they weren't breastfed or some similar rubbish.

At least with a dummy you are apparently just lazy, but I guess still parenting. My two poor sods were neglected totally and still must be at 11

I haven't taken a dummy off (see above) but I did stop feeding at night, it got worse before it got better.

DS has never had one, but DN gave hers to the dummy fairy. He told me he had to give them up so the fairies could give them to the little babies who need them (dummy redistribution , yuk) and he got some art things he wanted because those are for big boys. I think SIL laid the guilt trip on heavily, because he said very seriously, 'even though I want it sometimes, I can't make a little baby sad' !!

*his