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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU stepsons lunches

115 replies

Scorpiovenus · 17/07/2019 16:53

My step son came over again this sunday with just a jam sandwich to last all day, and it really was a poor jam sandwich. Also it was semi cold sunday and she sent him with shorts and t shirt nothing else so we couldn't take him outside as he was getting to cold. Hes 7 btw. I had to lend him some shorts of mine that were about 6 sizes too big lol. Did look funny but why does she send the little boy with nothing?

I'm not allowed to make him dinner as she feels roast dinners and proper meals like gammon and chicken means with potatoes etc are not good for him, She had a meltdown once as i gave him some raspberries, Probably more me she is getting at here.. i let it go but cant even feed him real food. Don't know how to moan about it as I feel sorry for the boy tbh. Silent grudge I never tell DP. But he don't have the balls to say to the ex that she needs to send him with food if she wont allow us to feed him. Otherwise if I did feed him, the partner will get loads of abuse and threats to not see his little boy.

OP posts:

plasterboots · 18/07/2019 09:22

This poor poor child.

whothedaddy · 18/07/2019 10:45

both parents are jointly responsible and it isn't really his mother's business what happens at his Father's house within reason.

You really do need to have clothes/toys etc at your house for him. You also need to be feeding him as you see fit. She doesn't have to like it.

Buy him some bloody jumpers and feed him some proper bloody food. no negotiation

AnybodysDude · 18/07/2019 10:48

Your husband has a responsibility to feed and clothe his child adequately when he is in his care. If the mum doesn't like that, and threatens to cancel access arrangements, then your husband needs to seek a legal contact order.

Not feeding or clothing his son because he is scared of his ex is a shit excuse.

SolsticeBabyMaybe · 18/07/2019 10:48

This is worrying, is he underweight?
Jam sandwich is NOT healthier than roast dinners etc...

Agree with others about having a few clothes at hours just in case.

You definitely need to talk to DP.

optimisticpessimist01 · 18/07/2019 10:59

Who gives a shit what his mother says, feed him and buy him proper clothes!!

He is his dad too, why the fuck doesn't he have anything for his son at his own house? Or is he too scared of his ex? I can't believe what I am reading. You are contributing to neglecting a child because you are scared of his mums reaction

Are the school aware of this? Maybe worth dropping an anonymous email or something, this would get referred to safeguarding and probably social services almost immediately

I really hope you realise the seriousness of this

Angech74 · 18/07/2019 11:30

I'm afraid it is your DP's job to man the fuck up here and tell that bitch woman that their son will be being fed proper, nutritious food and that a sodding paltry jam sandwich is not good enough by far. You also need to have some clothes and a few bits and bobs for him at yours.

Whatisinaname1 · 18/07/2019 21:48

Your dp is not behaving as a father should. Feed the boy up and buy him clothes to leave at yours.

1stmonkey · 18/07/2019 22:20

Utterly ridiculous. You're right that its not really your place and i appreciate how hard that must be. But your DP needs to pull his finger out. He has a parental responsibility to ensure his child is fed and clothed. Anything else is neglectful. Not just neglectful, but actively criminal.
I understand that DSS mother is a nasty piece of work and that there are long-standing issues but this isn't a matter of "i'm his mum and this is what i want", this is an issue of his health and safety and it must be dealt with.
No excuses.

Chickychoccyegg · 18/07/2019 22:52

you and your dp sound absolutely useless, you dont feed dss because his mum said so.. ooookkkkkkkk!!!
you put your shorts on dss then laughed about it because he had nothing to wear?, neither of you thought of buying him anything, you just kept him in all day? rrriiiggghht, if this happened you and dss dad should be utterly ashamed!

FrenchBoule · 18/07/2019 23:27

Hope this is a wound up. OP, fuck the mother’s opinions,feed the boy and get some clothes for him.

Just thought about poor starving Daniel Pelka and his cuntchop of mother who claimed he’s been fed adequately.

fargo123 · 18/07/2019 23:39

This boy is being failed by all the so-called parental figures in his life. He'd be better off away from the lot of you.

SunshineCake · 19/07/2019 18:46

Agreed Fargo. This op is a complete waste of space where this poor child is concerned. How she can be with someone who treats his son like this beggars belief. Doesn't matter who the child is, a child needing love and care should be given it by everyone.

chocolatemademefat · 19/07/2019 23:34

I’d ask to speak to her and be honest and say if the rules don’t change I’d be reporting them to social services. Common sense tells you he needs proper food and as for spare clothes I’d buy some anyway. His dad needs to step up - the mother is manipulating things to gain control which in no way is good for the child. He should be everyone’s priority - not keeping in with a control freak.

Jux · 20/07/2019 13:04

Just cook up a al and feed him. No need to talk to anyone.

Cook, feed, done.

Frankola · 20/07/2019 15:45

Give him proper meals and tell her to stuff off. A jam sandwich all day?! Shes a joke!

I'd also buy a few bits of clothing for your house to keep there

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