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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU stepsons lunches

115 replies

Scorpiovenus · 17/07/2019 16:53

My step son came over again this sunday with just a jam sandwich to last all day, and it really was a poor jam sandwich. Also it was semi cold sunday and she sent him with shorts and t shirt nothing else so we couldn't take him outside as he was getting to cold. Hes 7 btw. I had to lend him some shorts of mine that were about 6 sizes too big lol. Did look funny but why does she send the little boy with nothing?

I'm not allowed to make him dinner as she feels roast dinners and proper meals like gammon and chicken means with potatoes etc are not good for him, She had a meltdown once as i gave him some raspberries, Probably more me she is getting at here.. i let it go but cant even feed him real food. Don't know how to moan about it as I feel sorry for the boy tbh. Silent grudge I never tell DP. But he don't have the balls to say to the ex that she needs to send him with food if she wont allow us to feed him. Otherwise if I did feed him, the partner will get loads of abuse and threats to not see his little boy.

OP posts:
Pinktinker · 17/07/2019 17:13

Buy him some clothes for your house, problem solved. Give him whatever food you fancy and don’t tell her. Of course you can feed him, she doesn’t get to micromanage what he eats when he’s at his Dad’s.

feathermucker · 17/07/2019 17:14

@RockyRolly

Exactly!

ptumbi · 17/07/2019 17:19

Err - why is this down to you? What is the boys father doing?

Feed the boy. Let the 'mother' have a meltdown and go through the proper channels for contact.

Get a hoody or two and some joggers from the shop and keep them at yours.

Job done.

Hmm
NewFoneWhoDis · 17/07/2019 17:22

Two words : Daniel Pelka.

Feed and clothe the wee mite and eyeball anybody who DARES to tell you not to do so and tell them to go right ahead and call social services because you'll be more than happy to talk to them about being forced to starve a child.

Lordamighty · 17/07/2019 17:23

Feed the child for goodness sake & if his mother complains report her to SS.

LittleOwl153 · 17/07/2019 17:24

I'm wondering if some sort of game is going on here. Is the ex trying to say that your partner cannot look after the child... never feeds him so she has to send stuff, he has no clothes so sends him home inappropriately dressed. Never does anything with him as he has no appropriate clothes.... you can see the case for access being g removed cant you? K think your partner needs to step up. Get the boy some clothes and feed him whatever you are eating when he is with you. Since when has a roast dinner been bad for a kid?? Unless there are allergies in play I cant see any reason restricting his diet.

Sorryisntgoodenough · 17/07/2019 17:28

she feels roast dinners and proper meals like gammon and chicken means with potatoes etc are not good for him,

WTH does he eat at home? Why is his dad not challenging her on this? And why doesn’t he have clothes at his dads house?

I’m with RockyRolly

WhatTheAbsoluteFuck · 17/07/2019 17:28

Erm... Okay.

How did DP get this Access?

He needs to go to court.

Why won’t she let you or DP feed him? Why doesn’t have he clothes are yours?

Where the fuck is your DPs spine?

Drum2018 · 17/07/2019 17:31

Feed him. Clothe him. Ignore her ridiculous outbursts. And for gods sake do not tell the child not to tell his mother. Him having to effectively keep secrets will not go down well. You are the grown ups. Sort it out.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 17/07/2019 17:31

I'm really sorry, I honestly can't get my head around his mother not letting him have proper meals or fruit??????? Confused why and what does she feed him, other than a jam butty obvs

miaCara · 17/07/2019 17:32

My first thought was Daniel Pelka.

The child needs food and clothing no mater what the adults are saying or not saying to each other.
Take him the the supermarket to choose some 'dads house' clothes and something he likes to eat - and probably something Mum has given him.
All these adults involved with a child and yet he is going hungry and improperly clothed,. I despair.

Windygate · 17/07/2019 17:32

I couldn't be with a man who allows his child to be neglected like this. You've had some great advice, you now know this is a safeguarding issue so do something.

DishingOutDone · 17/07/2019 17:32

So do you and DP sit there and have a nice roast in front of this boy? There are so many questions I don't know where too begin. How can you be with a man who allows his son to be treated like this? Is your DP on his birth certificate as the father, does he pay maintenance, can he go into the school and raise his concerns? Its the boy developing OK? Does he play, is he happy, any sign of injuries etc?

Its like a form of madness if you are seriously coming on here and expecting us to discuss a jam sandwich, this needs reporting.

stucknoue · 17/07/2019 17:33

Either this is the most ridiculous situation I've read, a reverse or plain main up, I hope the latter. Keep clothes at dads, feed appropriate healthy food for age, but if mum is vegetarian you should respect that.

AllOverIt · 17/07/2019 17:33

What is she going to do? Go back to the courts and change the arrangements because you had the audacity to cook him a roast?

THEY'D LAUGH IN HER FACE.

This can't be real.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/07/2019 17:33

A roast dinner is incredibly wholesome. LittleOwl makes an interesting point. Is your dss still at school? The first thing I would do is discuss the situation with the teachers so they know the score. And I’d report the mother. This is neglect / abuse and your dp is colliding. Is he very thin?

Ayemama · 17/07/2019 17:36

Why would he have to lie about having clothes at yours?
Presumably his father pays maintenance?
So he is providing for his son at home so how can she logically complain about his father having things for when he visits?
The food thing is down right weird and actually rather worrying

tinyvulture · 17/07/2019 17:38

Yes, obviously feed him. And get him some clothes to keeps at yours. If money is tight, Primark/Asda are cheap as chips, or you can get stuff at a charity shop/someone might give you handmedowns. But is is VITAL he has suitable stuff to wear at yours. Toys, books and DVDS too. (See above - you can get stuff cheaply - just get the little mite SOMETHING to make him feel at home).

Also (and believe me I do not say this lightly), I would contact his school, the DSL there (designates safeguarding lead), and share your concerns re his mother. They may have noted similar issues around packed lunches, and this could all be part of a bigger issue around neglect. I don’t mean to scare-monger, but this is possible. As a former DSL in a school myself, I swear to you any DSL worth the paper they are written on will at least investigate what you tell them....

VenusTiger · 17/07/2019 17:39

I wouldn’t advise asking the kid to keep anything from either of his parents. That’s asking for trouble and isn’t great for the kid’s future relationships.

Feed him well as you intend to when he is a guest in your house. Keep your mobile handy to record mum when she retorts and ask her why she doesn’t want her son to be fed good food. Jam is empty calories. He’s a growing child and needs protein and nutrients.

You’ll have the recording as back up if she tries to stop kid seeing his dad.

tinyvulture · 17/07/2019 17:40

Designates should read designated. FFS.

vodkaredbullgirl · 17/07/2019 17:40

Just feed the poor mite, sod the ex.

SunshineCake · 17/07/2019 17:41

Everyone in this scenario is neglecting this child and you and his dad are allowing her to bully you as well as him SadAngry.

Make that the last weekend you allow this child to feel shit. Get on the phone to whoever it is you need too and start caring for this child. Fucking hell. I'd feed a stranger who knocked on my door and his dad and step mum won't put him before another adult.

DioneTheDiabolist · 17/07/2019 17:42

Feed and clothe the child properly when he's at yours. If it all comes to a head, that's because it needs to so this poor boy's dad can stand up for him.

adaline · 17/07/2019 17:48

Why isn't his father feeding or clothing him?

happyhillock · 17/07/2019 17:51

Your DP really needs to talk to his mother or get social services involved, this child is being neglected and needs someone to speak up for him, please give him a meal, poor little mite