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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you ask..or should they offer?

77 replies

Sundancer77 · 17/07/2019 16:52

My Dd turns one this week, in a year myself and dp haven’t been out alone or spent any time together alone. We’ve been fine with this but have started to think we’d like to start going out, just for a few hours, just us.
We will probably try to sort a babysitter soon for a couple of times a month (v expensive here)
We live abroad and my parents stay at our house for two week breaks, a few times a year.
Aibu to want them to offer to babysit for just a few hours one evening, just so we can go to the beach/go for a few cocktails, just the two of us?
I’ve dropped so many hints and they regularly babysit for my sister, who lives down the road, sometimes for the weekend/a few days whilst she goes away (although they kind of complain about it a little, they also look after her kids a few times per week, whilst she works) hence why I’m uncertain to ask.
Aibu to just really want them to offer?? To see that dp and I need/would like a break 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Bambamber · 17/07/2019 16:54

Just ask.

livinglavidavillanelle · 17/07/2019 16:55

Meh. Mine need to be asked, explicitly when where and how long. Just ask

Troels · 17/07/2019 16:56

Ask.

Hihellothere · 17/07/2019 16:56

I’d ask- they’re your parents after all and they’ll probably be happy to help you out!

Piffle11 · 17/07/2019 16:57

They're clearly not going to offer, so just ask. I can sort of see why you want them to offer - since they complain about looking after your DSis's DC - but since they've never baby sat for you, I think it would be fine. If they huff and puff about it I'd be knocking their two week breaks on the head!!

Piffle11 · 17/07/2019 16:57

And btw neither set of DGPs offered to baby sit for us - we have always had to ask.

QforCucumber · 17/07/2019 16:58

I ask, I'd call up my DM who lives 20 mins away and ask if shes busy on Sat afternoon, if not would she please come watch DS for a couple of hours, there's no point hinting - it builds resentment when people don't pick up on it.

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 17/07/2019 16:58

I don’t see why they can’t think to just offer? We have no family here and literally have no time out..wouldn’t that be a nice thing to do? Don’t they think? Or not want to?

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 17/07/2019 16:59

You’re expecting them to be mind readers. Just ask.

Drivemecrazy1974 · 17/07/2019 17:00

Just ask them - they might think that because you live near a beach, you're always there. Not that it's right that they think that but maybe they just think you already live some blissful life (can you tell, I'd give ANYTHING to live by the beach!?!) . I bet if you ask, they'd probably be only to pleased to help.
They're not mind readers, afterall!

CloserIAm2Fine · 17/07/2019 17:00

YABU to expect them to offer. Stop hinting and just ask like a grown up.

They may say no, which you need to accept with good grace and pay for a babysitter.

PatrickMerricksGoshawk · 17/07/2019 17:01

I don’t see why they can’t think to just offer?

But they haven't, and you want to go out, so just ask them. You're the only ones losing out by not doing so.

NorthEndGal · 17/07/2019 17:02

Lots of parents aren't comfortable with others watching those children in the first few years, so if you have never asked them, they have no reason to expect they should be offering.
If you look around MN, you'll see loads of threads of people being upset that the grandparents ask for time alone with the GC.

Just speak to them about it

Throckmorton · 17/07/2019 17:05

Maybe they are annoyed by the hinting - that sounds pretty passive aggressive when you could just ask them

Eustasiavye · 17/07/2019 17:07

I think the fact that they come and stay with you and use it as a cheap holiday base means they should baby sit for a couple of hours now and again .
I'm not one for saying grandparents should be used as deregulate all the time, but I think they are being a bit cheeky to be honest.

stucknoue · 17/07/2019 17:17

We asked my parents for one evening every 2 week visit

81Byerley · 17/07/2019 17:18

You haven't asked in the past. So they may have thought that you weren't willing to leave the baby. just ask. They may say no, but I doubt it!

fedup21 · 17/07/2019 17:20

You can’t force them to offer with mindpowers!

Just ask.

BeaneryWeenery · 17/07/2019 17:30

Just ask if you want them to.

We live abroad. We have 8yo twins. They have never been babysat. It's nice when they have an all day school trip as DH and I make the most of it and go out for lunch minus DC.

Phineyj · 17/07/2019 17:34

My DPIL have never offered but have accepted quite happily the times we've asked in similar circumstances. It probably just doesn't occur to them. I've found people forget about having young DC very quickly!

BertrandRussell · 17/07/2019 17:36

They might have been reading Mumsnet and not want to offer in case you say no.

Ask.

Doje · 17/07/2019 17:39

Just ask! I bet that's what your sister does.

Drum2018 · 17/07/2019 17:40

You need to ask. Perhaps they think you are happy enough as you are spending time with baby. No doubt your sister asks them and they in turn oblige. I'd never expect anyone to offer to look after my kids. Why would they?

dottiedodah · 17/07/2019 17:41

Just say to them outright "Would it be OK to watch Baby for a couple of hours while we grab a drink /Meal out,We havent been out together since Babe was born ."and see what they say ,you may be surprised !

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 17/07/2019 17:46

Just ask. It's really not hard.

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