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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you ask..or should they offer?

77 replies

Sundancer77 · 17/07/2019 16:52

My Dd turns one this week, in a year myself and dp haven’t been out alone or spent any time together alone. We’ve been fine with this but have started to think we’d like to start going out, just for a few hours, just us.
We will probably try to sort a babysitter soon for a couple of times a month (v expensive here)
We live abroad and my parents stay at our house for two week breaks, a few times a year.
Aibu to want them to offer to babysit for just a few hours one evening, just so we can go to the beach/go for a few cocktails, just the two of us?
I’ve dropped so many hints and they regularly babysit for my sister, who lives down the road, sometimes for the weekend/a few days whilst she goes away (although they kind of complain about it a little, they also look after her kids a few times per week, whilst she works) hence why I’m uncertain to ask.
Aibu to just really want them to offer?? To see that dp and I need/would like a break 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/07/2019 17:47

Seems odd that they don’t offer, but seems equally odd that u don’t just ask.....the relationship sounds v formal

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 17/07/2019 17:53

It’s not a formal relationship but I still think they should offer as we’re here on our own and they know we never go out or can get out.
I don’t ‘Expect’ it, in a cheeky way, I just think my mum for sure knows I need a bit of time out and feel a bit sad she doesn’t take it upon herself to say ‘You go and relax..etc’ it’s what I’d do, but we’re all different 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
CruellaFeinberg · 17/07/2019 17:59

FFS, If you're old enough to have children then you're old enough to ask your parents like a grown up

AllSweetnessAndLight · 17/07/2019 18:21

You need to ask them. Your DSis must ask them otherwise how else would they know. Tbf if they stay with you for periods throughout the year I'm sure they won't object to babysitting to give you a break.

mrsm43s · 17/07/2019 18:32

If you want it, ask. They have no obligation to offer, or indeed to babysit at all. You're sounding like a petulant child.

danishkids · 17/07/2019 18:35

Why not ask your sister if you frequently babysit for her?

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 17/07/2019 18:35

Ffs @CruellaFeinberg 😆 How harsh.

Of course no obligation but having heard reports back of when my sister asks, I’m reluctant to, I’d like them to want to basically and to offer and to think to offer.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/07/2019 18:49

They might want to, they might not be offering because they're waiting for you to ask or they don't want to step on your toes.

Just ask them. It seems to be being made into a problem when the answer is simple.

WhenOneFacePalmDoesntCutIt · 17/07/2019 18:54

I think the fact that they come and stay with you and use it as a cheap holiday base

or maybe they feel obliged to come and visit but would much rather go on a proper holiday if they could see otherwise! Staying with relatives is nice, but not exactly a dream holiday either.

OP, just ask.

caffeinebuzz · 17/07/2019 18:57

DP offer at least one night each time they stay with us. PIL never did, but turns out they were really happy to be asked.

Gertie75 · 17/07/2019 19:00

They don't need to offer, they're your kids and your responsibility, if you want them to have them then it's up to you to ask.

Dh and I have had one evening out since dd was born 6 years ago and we asked my Mum to have her, I wouldn't expect her to offer.

wildflowersandweeds · 17/07/2019 19:03

You may want them to offer, but they're clearly not going to, so your choices are ask them and hopefully get what you want or keep whining about them behind their backs and achieve nothing. Your preferred option isn't happening, and no amount of telling us why they should ask is going to make that happen. Hmm

CruellaFeinberg · 17/07/2019 19:09

@Sundancer77 Ffs CruellaFeinberg How harsh.

No its not - why cant you ask these people who are coming and staying in your house (I guess for free) ? Be a grown up and say - "oh we love seeing you, blah blah, and can you babysit so me and dh can go out for some grown up time together"

no?

MollysMummy2010 · 17/07/2019 19:19

I have a similar issue - my dad told my daughter he would take her to his for two weeks over the summer (seperate weeks) but has he told me which ones? I have had to book clubs for her for when I can’t be off so will end up paying anyway so not really that much help tbh.

EustaciaPieface · 17/07/2019 19:20

Please ask! I really hope they say yes OP, you deserve it!

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 17/07/2019 19:37

@danishkids I can’t ask my sister as she lives in the uk 🤷‍♀️When she comes to stay it’s with her own kids and in a hotel for a few days, so I wouldn’t ask that of her.

OP posts:
danishkids · 17/07/2019 19:54

Ah ok.
In that case I would ask before they comes and if they say yes, let them know that you have booked a table. So they know when it is.

AppleKatie · 17/07/2019 20:00

My parents don’t offer but will do it happily if asked. I think they don’t offer for fear of being seen as interfering either that or too keen- they don’t want to do it every day.

bridgetreilly · 17/07/2019 20:27

Just ask. That is the grown up thing to do when you want something. Ask nicely, in a way that lets them refuse if they really don't want to do it. But stop dropping hints and being cross when they don't read your mind.

NorthEndGal · 17/07/2019 20:41

Honestly, I don't know what it takes for you to get it, they aren't going to spontaneously offer, we don't know why, but it could be for a hundred different reasons.
You need to be grown up about this.
Hinting and waiting and being sad about it is just immature

Original poster
Sundancer77 · 17/07/2019 20:57

Why are some people so angry..Jesus.

OP posts:
Kisskiss · 18/07/2019 12:40

If you had asked and they said NO then you can your knickers in a twist , but seeing as you haven’t asked, you don’t realky have the right or reason to be upset.. They might not fully get how busy you are. Just ask!!!!

TwistyTop · 18/07/2019 17:13

Yanbu to want them to babysit one evening when they visit. Yabu to not just ask

Ask them

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 18/07/2019 18:22

Well they haven't offered, so you're going to have to ask them. They probably just haven't thought about it.

Deadringer · 18/07/2019 18:29

I think it's odd that they haven't offered, especially given the fact that they stay at your house a few times a year. Definitely ask them though.