To leave DS dad and enter a new relationship

[Whitecandle]

This is totally outing so I hope he doesn't have mumsnet. But I need to tell someone as no one knows.

I kind of know this is unreasonable but need others to tell me it is so I know 100% I'm being a twat.

I have a 6 month old DS. Relationship with his dad is basically over. Long story but years of drug taking behind my back. Stealing from shops. Lying about debts. Lying about borrowing money from family. Using money that's left lying around in the house and denying it (basically stealing IMO) Being a generally untrustworthy person. I desperately love him so have always given another chance. I recently (1 week ago) found out he was paying to look at naked women online (I did look at his phone and am not sorry for it) and then sending the stinking pics to his friends saying 'she does it for me' etc. Bragging about looking at other women. And also lying to people about still living in our home - texting friends saying 'I'm down XXX's (my name)' instead of saying I'm at home. Found out he was all over another woman when I was pregnant and had photo evidence - he first lied and said she wasn't even there.

I'm desperate to have the perfect family with him and have more babies get married etc but I know deep down he won't change and i can't keep doing this over and over.

I don't wear my engagement ring any more. We basically aren't together and have said that. He has said he doesn't know if he loves me and sake about fancying me but then when I ask other says he said he didn't say that and he does. It's a mind fuck.

Now we have a 'friend' that we've both known for 4 ish years. I've always kind of liked him. They don't bother no more. And he's really interested in me. He also has young babies.

I really don't know what my question is but would IBU to actually leave my partner?

Would I also BU to entertain something with 'friend' if I was totally single?

I know I am. I'm just so broken I don't even know what's right and wrong any more 😔

You need to leave him, he’s much too far gone if I’m being honest. He needs professional help - you can’t ever fix this as much as you hope to.

Throw all of your ideas of a ‘perfect family’ ‘kids all from one man’ etc out of the window because that isn’t the path for your life unfortunately. I’m the same age as you and there’s absolutely no way I would put up with half of this, the lying, gambling, stealing, rent arrears - wtf? Sack him off.

No, it's not your duty!

He's done this to himself. Don't blame the depression, there are millions of people with depression, and a lot of those will have debts, but they don't go round shoplifting booze to sell.

He can contact a debt charity, such as Stepchange, for help managing his debts, and arranging payments he can afford, without detriment to his essential bills like rent.

You can tell him about Stepchange, and then it's down to him to sort himself out. Don't get dragged under with him.

OP it isnt your duty to feel sorry for him and try andhelp him - he neesd to do that himself.

do you want social services andbaliffs on your doostep? because thats where this situation is potentially going.

you say he only pays the rent? clearly he dosent. financially you will be fine. i am a single mum and i rock it because i ambloody determined to make it work.

put your child and you first. kick him out. TODAY

I agree with you all.

I do not want this for my baby and he comes first.

It’s massively concerning that his way of ‘sorting out’ the rent arrears was to shoplift alcohol - that’s not a normal way of thinking at all. You can even trust him to pay rent and maintain a roof over his baby’s head - he just squandered it away?

Can’t even trust him*