To ask why you became a SAHP and if you are pleased you did?

[Shazafied]

Not looking to start a debate about working parents vs SAHPs! We all work hard.

Genuine question for SAH mums and dads - what was it that swayed your decision ? Was it a tough decision? How are you enjoying it ? Any regrets?

(Currently weighing up options as have 2u2).

Thanks all

Before I had kids my job was very long, unpredictable hours. I found it difficult to switch off when I came home at night. I hadn't really thought about whether I would return or not but I recall feeling so relived on my last day of work before maternity leave.

Maternity leave came to an end and the decision was four fold 1. I didn't want to go back to my old job 2. I wasn't going to be able to get childcare to cover my long hours, and my husband also frequently had to work weekends 3. I was going to be handing over the bulk of my salary to pay for any nursery place that could cover the majority of our awkward hours 4. I just knew I wanted to be at home with my child.

I would say that being a SAHM evolves a lot over the years. When you start off with one small baby, and a few years later are balancing a few kids with very different needs, there are times I wish I'd had the mental escape of paid out of home employment. And the dosh too.

I adopted and we were told we would be more likely to be matched with a baby if one of us stayed at home. They were right. Our DS was relinquished and birth mother specified ( among other things ) that she wanted him to be adopted by someone who would stay at home with him.

As I had already worked for 20 years and had been wanting a family for 10 I was happy to give up my career to be a SAHM.

Pleased I did , still at home after 12 years. Would like a part time job at some point but I've enjoyed every minute of being a SAHM.

Because I felt the best qualified person to care for my DC was me.

I'm working again now they're both at school - but flexibly, so I'm usually around after school and during holidays.

I only answered half the question.

Yes, I'm pleased I did. We had some very happy times together (plus some awful, endless days of tears and tantrums, of course), and they're lovely, confident, secure little people now, and are doing brilliantly at school.

I’m a SAHM because that was always my plan as I knew I’d love it. It benefits our kids to be with a parent for the vast majority of their time and we do loads of trips etc. I can’t think of anything worse than the kids being in nursery and having to juggle days off work if they’re ill etc. But I know others can’t imagine much worse than being a SAHM 😄 horses for courses. DH works away a lot and long hours so it just suits us. I do worry about my pension, what if DH dies etc. I’ve just signed up for a college course for September, to boost my confidence doing what I was self-employed doing before kids.
Kids are 4&1 and in nursery 2 days a week btw! School in sept wahoo!!

@Crankybitch
Do my job!! I'm a swimming teacher. I choose my hours - so for me that's 2 hours per day term time only normally 10-12pm. (I do schools and private lessons). Perk of the job is all the classes at the leisure centre i work for are free, and I'm already there. So, 2 hours work, 1 hour yoga/Pilates, 1 hour lunch (often with friends), 2 hours hw/admin. Happy days.

@arethereabyleftatall Sounds good - off to get better at swimming

That sounds good. I think I'm going to look into a job I can do flexibly. I'm happy as a SAHM for now but want to be doing something once any DC are at school.

There's another good thing cranky. You don't need to be good at swimming yourself to teach it.

It was a no brainer for us.
We sat and worked out how much it would cost in childcare and running a second car, and it meant that those things would have eaten my entire monthly income and would still need topping up from DHs wage. We would have been financially worse off if I’d have gone back to work.
Good job I didn’t really....as I fell pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was 8 months old
I’m now 31 weeks pregnant with DC3. DC1 starts school in Sept, and we can afford to send DC2 to nursery (just for the social aspect and a change of scenery) for 2 mornings a week.
The plan is that I will be a SAHM until DC3 starts school.

Valhalla or anyone that plans to go back once dc in school is your industry good with gaps? I know some are. Teaching / nursing seems to be good.

Mine is terrible and there’s a mass exodus of women after they have children. It’s not good

Marsha I don’t really have “an industry”. I came out of the army (which is all I’d ever done since I was 16), did various jobs in bars, then got a more stable job in hotel but then had DC1.
When DC3 goes to school, the plan would be to either train from scratch for a specific career path, or go back to things like retail/hospitality jobs just to keep some cash coming in.

Thanks for answering, I’m not sure what I want my next stage to be. I’m happy now but should really think ahead.

I know the feeling, I'm exploring avenues for the future

I always knew if I had a baby I would stay at home with them and i love it! I would not be able to leave him and I will stay at home and have more and then when the last is finally at school I will get a horse and enjoy my “retirement” from doing 100% of the nights and the childcare 😂🤦🏻‍♀️🤪

My childminder on two days a week got beaten up by her boyfriend (who she hadn't mentioned was looking after my youngest for three hours whilst she went out each Monday) and neither the childminder for the other three days nor her friends had any spaces - plus the ex informed me that arranging people to look after my children whilst I indulged myself in wearing fancy clothes and lunchdates with directors wasn't his problem and I should go on benefits like the council estate single mum he made me I was.

Intended to SAH for the rest of the school year and go back, but I got ill and then wasn't well enough to try again until they'd left home.

I regret it, as I had a brilliant, well paid job with a fuckton of prospects, good pension scheme, was about to become eligible for a preferential mortgage rate and had saved enough for a deposit. This went upon supporting ourselves until the DSS decided I was eligible for benefit after all. I was bored. So fucking bored. And then house prices exploded.

So being forced to become a SAHM completely fucked me over financially forever, essentially.

@MitziK

You’ve essentially summed up my feelings about being a SAHM.

After maternity leave, I was a SAHM for maybe 2 months max.

Being a SAHM was wonderful- I got to spend so much time with my son, take a much needed break from work & see all his first moment etc.

I think I would have enjoyed being a SAHM long term too but at the end of the day, if you SAHM for too long in most careers it really screws with you financially. The possibility of being dependent on DH didn’t appeal to me - especially if we divorced & no longer had access to his earnings.

For us it was a combination of a) nursery fees wiping out my wages and b) as a child protection social worker I was finding all too often that I was stuck at work trying to find an emergency placement, or at the hospital on a child protection medical etc, and not getting home until after my kids has gone to bed. I wasn’t comfortable with this; if it had just been the nursery fees I think I’d have been tempted to stick it out for pension purposes, but the combination tipped it for us.

I found it very tough at times, I wasn’t expecting to feel as lonely as I did, but at the same time I have never regretted it. I’ve always felt when I’m old I’ll be glad I made the decision I did. Financially it has been HARD. I took a job working evenings and weekends at Dominos pizza for two years to make ends meet - nothing wrong whatsoever with working at Dominos but I hadn’t really seen myself there. And two little ones all day and then straight to working all night was knackering.

I was lucky enough to score a school hours only job a year ago while DD was at school and DS was in school nursery. Now DS is starting Reception I’m in the same job and returning to uni to develop my career prospects a little.

We lived 300 miles from our families. Had DD1 then fell with DS when DD1 was 3 months old. DH found a job near our families and I left my job as a secondary teacher to move before DS was born.
DD2 born when the other two were 3 and 2. I thought I'd go back when DD2 went to nursery. I never got to as both DS and DD1 have ASD and I'm at home on permanent standby all the time. Have to have routine. Not how i wanted to be and I feel lazy and useless.

My OH works loads and loads and away a lot. He had a senior role and it’s very stressful.

I thought I wanted to work and went back to full time work when DD was 2 years old. Instantly regretted it and cried most days as I missed both DD and DS6 so much. Packed it in after 6 months and honestly love life so much now.

I’m so lucky to spend this time with them. Never feel bored. It’s summer holidays where I am and I don’t need to worry about childcare, kids missing me, me missing them.

Today we baked cakes, painted, took DS to football club. Now they’re in bed and I’m chilling in the bath. I can breathe now and life is good.

I used to worry what others thought. Think I should be working. But in reality this works so much netter for us and we’re all happy and I know I’ll never regret it.

I worked when DS was younger and I didn’t potty train him. This week I started potty training DD and it was so nice to have that all on me as I felt like I missed out with DD

On the flip side of your question, I work part time and I couldn't do it without dh doing his fair share (if not more) of childcare runs etc. There are a lot of weeks where it feels like everyone else is revolving around my work! If your dh travels a lot or has a long commute etc I think it would make the juggling a lot more stressful.

I worked part time in a shop and ran a small business dressmaking.
Had ds1 and went back to my shop job on reduced hours. My mum was able to look after ds1.
Then I had ds2. My health was really starting to go downhill and my dressmaking business had dried up. DH and I decided it wasn't worth me returning to the shop job as he'd finally got a big promotion and asking my mum to look after two children was too big an ask.
I had intended to reconsider when ds2 started school, but since then my health has got even worse and I still wouldn't have much change left after paying for before and after school club for two.
I feel a bit torn about it. I would have liked a proper career, but it never really got off the ground for me. The trade off is that I'm pretty much always able to go to school stuff and I do (just about) have the time and energy for dress up days, Christmas hats etc.

My little boy was diagnosed with ASD and I couldn't go partime at my job! Best decision I ever made BUT it has totally affected my career options when it's time to go back and delayed us buying a house and getting married!

I just stayed at home it never occurred to me to work.

I was kind of a SAHM. I decided not to go back to work when DC1 was 9 months old as we had an opportunity to move away and help start my parents business. We stayed there 3 years and I had DC2 2 years into that. I did do their accounts which took a few hours a week so I kind of kept my hand in that way. When we moved back I managed to get work for a day a week bookkeeping and increased that slowly over the years until it reached 4 days when they were in school and settled. I was very lucky to get childcare from my MIL and my mum for nothing before they both started school and I've been able to work school hours part time then condense those hours into 2 full days in the holidays so I've had lots of time with the kids. I hated it when I moved away as they were little and I struggled to make friends so was really lonely. After I moved back it was great although I did find it hard that so many of my friends were progressing with careers and I never did. Now I work 2 days a week and run a business from home the other days plus I volunteer. The kids are teens now so life is a lot easier. DH progressed loads in his career so we're well off. I don't regret it at all but that could come back to bite me if something goes wrong! At least I have a lot of bookkeeping experience to fall back on.