To not understand why people are so busy

[user87382294757]

And take on so much stuff they don't need to do?

I often see it on here. Like this - "We both work in busy important jobs and then we have brownies, PTA lots of DC activities and we are so worn out and stressed!"

But the it is a choice no-one 'has' to do these things. Why not just stop doing it, or not take on so much in the first place?

Some people’s lives are like an episode of Black Mirror , the one with the exercise bikes 😂😉

@user87382294757
Our school don't do any clubs. But our council have a thing called ACE. You pay £25 a month for the membership (£20 for each other child) and they can do as many clubs as they like. It does mean running them to and from the leisure centre, but it's all in one place and they get a chance at everything. My kids do athletics, gymnastics, football, drama and trampolining.
They also have swimming lessons and violin lessons and Spanish classes. In the summer they get body boarding lessons at the beach.
My thinking is that when they reach high school, the workload won't allow them to take part in loads of clubs. They will need to pick what they love the most. I'm giving them the chance to experience as much as they can so they make informed choices.

There are a million other clubs they could do, but they don't want too. I let them do the things they choose. I don't want to say no because I can afford it, and I have time for it. I rub my own business so I make it work around my kids. It means early mornings and late nights but I've never slept a lot so that doesn't bother me. I also love my job so it's not a chore. Neither is watching my kids excel at sports.

And all our activities fit into 3 nights a week. We get home from school, change and have a snack then off to the leisure centre for a few hours. The other 2 school nights are spent at home, and then we have the weekend to chill out and do whatever we want. They have a good balance.

Actually I do get this a bit - I've got 2 DC under 10 and yes they're busy at the weekend but not overly so. However some friends/relatives especially with young (1 year and toddler DC) are so busy - I'm looking at you SIL - so my DNephew who's 1 constantly has a snotty nose (yeah I know all kids do) but she never lets him be quiet and says he's too social. Yet he is fine if he stays in with me and my DC or with my DM (his DGM) etc.

In some ways I do see what you mean. There are a lot of parents who ferry kids to activities all the time, but I think this is sometimes detrimental to the child more than anything. God knows how people afford all these clubs. But people do need to work full time to make ends meet, tand not just to spend mo eye on endless activities, that's not really a choice is it?

Had a lovely day with my eldest in the gardens chatting and reading and thinking

I'd be bored out of my head if I was just pottering around.

As a kid I did a lot more than my kids do, and same for my parents! If anything, activities have become a lot more expensive so families have had to cut down massively on average.

If I am still here, I"ll have years of retirement to do nothing but gardening and pottering around all day. I am much happier to be more active now.

I do wish the summer holidays were much longer, but when I read so many threads about posters proud of their kids spending hours playing video games, I'd rather mine do something else.

I have a friend like this. She is constantly busy. When I ask what she has planned for the weekend she will say nothing much but then reel off loads of things. She is constantly stressed. She does have a busy job but even so half the things she does she doesn’t have to do them. She had a massive birthday party for her youngest recently ( he is a teenager). She made all the food from scratch, chilli, kebabs, massive cake. It was a lovely party but she didn’t have to do it. Her son was there for an hour or so and then went out with his mates so he wasn’t overly bothered.

Unfortunately you tend to get sucked into these things as most after school activities need volunteers
I was happily going to watch my son play football and now i'm the secretary of the whole club
Most things are enjoyable though that's why we do them and of course we love our children

So you are moaning about people who moan? Interesting.

My children do a combination of cubs, hockey , guitar lessons , archery , climbing , riding and swimming . It’s not the activities themselves that the op is referring to but the moaning about having to take your kids to them. If it’s too much for you just stop . They’re not compulsory. I do think parents who feel the need to talk about all the activities their little one does and how talented they are , do it more for themselves than the child in question . No one else cares tbh .

I don't understand the super-busy people either, but I suppose they must like it really. I'm weird though and get stressed out if there's too much going on.

She’s not moaning , she’s commenting ! If she comes back and repeats her original post tomorrow and then again next week then she’s moaning . I always assumed that moaning was a repeated action.

My children have 1 hobby each bit they each do it 3 times a week. It used to involve rushing about as was not much time between classes. I've never been one for signing them up for loads of activities because of a) cost and b) they need some free time. They have tried various other things but now they each have 1 activity that they have stuck with for years (but has upped intensity as they get older). I volunteer at an after school club where many many parents and kids use it and would miss it if no one did it. I really enjoy friday evenings when its not on!!Things have got more stressful at home recently for me and DH so we have both stepped down from volunteer commitments this week, but reality is lots of things we use or enjoy depend on volunteers. I sometimes volunteer for parkrun locally but despite there being 500+ runners each week, the volunteer core is probably less than 50.

you don't have to take them. But, if they love it, and it's good for them; it would be the nice thing to do.

Children want to do lots of things - doesn't necessarily mean they're the right thing for them. I personally don't think that children being in a constant stream of activities is good for them - they might enjoy it but if it comes at the cost of the family not spending time together, or the parents burning out because they're constantly on the go, then a line needs to be drawn somewhere.

What if you have three children and they all want to do different activities at different places at the same time, for example?

This seems to have focused on Dcs activities but the post wasn;t all about that. It's more about the preoccupation with busyness on here- and some of the replies! they would just make it worse! It is really like competitive busyness. And I have not seen this in RL either. We live in an area where there is lots for Dc to do also so it isn't that. People in RL seem laid back compared to MN!

People like to moan and complain. I often find a lot of the moany threads on here are full of people knowing the answer to their issues, but they don't want to admit it so need to have a big dance around it first and get some drama out of it.

It's annoying but it is what it is.

It seems to me that some people don't know how to cope at home with their children. They feel that their children need to be occupied/entertained at all times. I've seen the desperate posts on Facebook during school holidays of parents begging for recommendations of places to go because their kids were 'climbing the walls with boredom'. So they fill up the kids lives with activities and then the kids expect to be entertained at all times.

Are you really moaning about people moaning?

No, the OP is posting on a public forum.

HTH

To the PP who said it is about putting your DC first and to having an 'easy life' sometimes Dc need you around, maybe that is more important than random affiliations to clubs and societies etc.

But they aren’t random, are they?
My children go to sports clubs because I want them to use their bodies and be active - it doesn’t matter what the sport it - I just want them to know how important it is to get moving. I also think team sports and athletics are useful for teaching many, many skills beyond fitness.

I volunteer because I want to give back and because if no one else does it then the clubs/charities/socs would fold. I want my children to know that being involved in your community is important, that picking litter is important, that working at the community orchard is important that taking time to speak to the elderly members of the community is important. I’m glad they are learning skills from each of these things but that they are also benefiting just from doing something.

You don’t learn those things sitting on your arse, you learn that they are important by getting involved and going it. I like that my children see that sometimes getting involved is exhausting and I also like that they see how rewarding it is.

Yes but you aren't moaning about it are you? Mine too do lovely stuff like help at a charity city farm, and do voluntary work as part of the D of E. Enough of the 'sitting on arse' type comments please. I have an chronic illness and it is not appreciated.

No, the OP is posting on a public forum.

But so are the people on MN mentioning how busy they’ve are. 🤷‍♀️

Christ OP I’m not aiming “sitting on your arse” at you and your chronic illness. I’m saying it’s hard to learn about something like the activities we both mentioned whilst sitting on the sofa at home, you have to do them.

I think there’s much more expectation on parents to give their children opportunities and experiences than there used to be. My kids are learning to swim by my DH and I taking them swimming (combining an activity with family time together) at a time that suits us all rather than regular scheduled lessons which create an obligation in our calendar. My daughter does an activity once a week and we see friends regularly. We also try to have as much down time as possible, I’ll purposely not plan things for weekends, of if we’ve had a busy weekend make sure there’s time at the start of the week to catch up on myself.

In my mind balance is essential, both for me and my kids so as much as I think volunteering is important I don’t at the moment, as much as I’d like my kids to play an instrument, be bilingual, and do sports, if it means running ourselves from A-B-C every day it’s not going to happen. I don’t see the point in scheduling something for every night of the week, and filling weekends - we’re not built to be on the go 24/7.

I think people are wilfully misunderstanding the OP. She's not 'moaning about moaning'. She's musing on modern life and wondering about people's priorities and motives. And she certainly didn't say people should give up their jobs.

I agree, OP. It's almost as though being busy and stressed is a badge of honour. The over-scheduling (of adults as well as kids) is probably a FOMO thing, but I'd rather miss out on some activities and responsibilities than miss out on sanity, sleep and time to chill out and appreciate my family and surroundings.

Now you see I always hate people moaning so when I see an issue in my community I don't moan, I get off my arse and do something about it, hence I am - or rather was - so busy. My DDs benefitted from seeing me active, volunteering, influencing local policy etc - and I work for a number of national charities salaried and freelance.

One of my DD's was talented and wanted to go to theatre school so I did that too, that made it busy as well. I was just living my life as best I could, I was 'taking part' in life. Now my health hasn't been great and I have had to give up a lot, maybe like you OP. I used to have the odd moan about being busy but its also called living - to me, stepping up is the stuff of life.