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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

WIBU to tell a 6yo old how babies are born...?

114 replies

Rictusempra · 16/07/2019 11:45

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant, and niece, who is 6, naturally asked lots of questions. One of which being "How does the baby come out?"
to which I replied "Oh I have to push really hard, and the baby will come out of my vagina" Niece nodded, un-phased and then asked "Can we call him Storm if its a boy?!" and prattled on (as 6yos do) about "if it's a girl, can we called it Flower.... or Elsa etc"

DH was shocked and said I should have just responded "oh, the doctors help take the baby out" as apparently that was "too much information" and she might not know what a vagina is...

So, was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
IntoValhalla · 16/07/2019 16:33

@SerendipityJane indeed Wink
When she said it I did strike my best superhero pose Grin

LauraPalmersBodybag · 16/07/2019 16:47

For all those touting the ‘you can’t explain things to other’s people’s children’ rule...she’s 6! What do you think teachers and various other educators do?!

I believe parental choice is very important but there comes a time when you have to loosen up control. Other people will talk to your kids - I’d be happier to know they’re being given factual info than a skewed version of biology.

Coyoacan · 16/07/2019 16:47

These are biological facts that won't do any harm to children. A pregnant friend of mine explained the same to my five-year-old and her best friend. I was a bit nervous about her friend's mother complaining, but there was no problem.

Elvesdontdomagic · 16/07/2019 18:18

There are many questions children ask long before they're ready for full answers. There's age appropriate responses to all kind of things. The bottom line is she's not even your own child and the fact you've posted here proves you're not sure you've said the right thing.

A friend of mine told her 2yo about periods because she asked what her sanitary pad was. After that her 2yo kept playing with the pads and stating she was on her period. My friend regretted giving too much info when she could have just answered 'it's mummy's'.

Small children learn bit by bit, people often say there's nothing to be ashamed of and straight talking is best but there's many things in life we censor not out of shame but out of respect for a child's age and maturity. Not all children cope with info in the same way, it's not until your older that you can understand the full picture so some things sound out of context and a bit weird.

Pleasebequietnow · 16/07/2019 18:26

Not your business to be explaining this to someone else’s child.

Rictusempra · 17/07/2019 15:24

I'm glad that 90% of you agree with me....

OP posts:
stucknoue · 17/07/2019 15:31

Your reply was fine but clarify with her parents as to what they have discussed and how far you can go in case more questions arise. It's a good age to start with the basics and many parents are happy to delegate!

Rachelover40 · 17/07/2019 15:56

Pleasebequietnow Tue 16-Jul-19 18:26:37
Not your business to be explaining this to someone else’s child.

Generally I would agree but the little girl actually asked the op so what was she supposed to say? If she'd said, "Ask your mum", the child would have thought she'd said something wrong and been embarrassed.

The girl seemed quite unfazed so I expect her parents speak honestly to her, using the right words.

Waveysnail · 17/07/2019 15:59

Its biology. I would have said same thing

Love51 · 19/07/2019 09:50

My year 2 brought her books home from school this week. She had some work in there about human development - starting with 'babies are born from their mummy's wombs'. So dn would be covering it pretty soon in school. I doubt it would be a surprise to many kids - most of them love the story of their own birth (and if they go to a school with Christian links, they get a birth story every December!)

EmeraldShamrock · 19/07/2019 10:45

I am always honest with the DC explained age appropriately.
DD went to a cafe with her pals DM, they went to the bathroom, her pal panicked when she saw blood around the bowl, thinking someone had been hurt, DD said nobody got hurt it is from a womans period.
DD pals DM was miffed as she hasn't discussed a menstrual cycle with her DD, they were nearly 10.

Vittoriosa · 19/07/2019 13:33

I think that is up to her parents to decide.

SerendipityJane · 19/07/2019 13:45

I think that is up to her parents to decide.

Maybe there is a case to be made that the parents did decide: to swerve the subject and leave it up to other parents Hmm

PriestessModwena · 21/07/2019 16:35

I've got to say, my DC were 8 when I first bought a few books on what happens when you grow up. My idea was that they'd read the book & ask any questions.

When eldest DC was 3, my SIL was BF in the weirdest possible way. He said oh that's Mummy milk, why can't I have Mummy milk anymore. We said you eat proper food now, as you have teeth.

We didn't think the need to go into graphic detail about anything, no questions were asked, which is why I ended up getting these books. Eldest DC was so proud telling everyone Mum has ovum and Dad has sperm, then you get a baby.

The books got passed down, then there was another book about teenagers, feelings, that kind of stuff. So about 12 we introduced that one. As DC got older we would ask about school romances.

My parents were liberal as this Scandinavian policy was about being open. My Dad would happily talk about contraception and other stuff. I just get the idea eldest DC might be mortified if we did that with them, we do say if you think you might do it, then you always need a condom to protect against diseases. With our youngest DC we'd have to talk about the pill & contraception, but that's a long way off.

My Dad even got into a debate at a party, I was heavily pregnant, these girls were 14/15 and the idea of a baby was heaven to them. With some strange idea you just push baby round town, life is bliss, there's no negative side at all.

He said to their Mum about Amsterdam and Scandinavian countries who are open about sex, the teenage pregnancy rates are low. The Mum though felt that it shouldn't be spoke about, it got into a bit of a debate. Both debating adults had been drinking so it made for some different entertainment.

I think really foundations should be laid down by 12, with supportive quick chats from parents / caregivers.

At school you got told about periods when you were 9/10, got a free goody bag. Sex education was pretty poor, it wasn't really addressed till we were 14. By that time we had a couple of girls with babies in our year.

There is the curiosity of I've got this, you've got that, how does this work then. A totally different debate I guess as to whether you should support experimenting or go with the make it special route.

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