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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell a 6yo old how babies are born...?

114 replies

Rictusempra · 16/07/2019 11:45

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant, and niece, who is 6, naturally asked lots of questions. One of which being "How does the baby come out?"
to which I replied "Oh I have to push really hard, and the baby will come out of my vagina" Niece nodded, un-phased and then asked "Can we call him Storm if its a boy?!" and prattled on (as 6yos do) about "if it's a girl, can we called it Flower.... or Elsa etc"

DH was shocked and said I should have just responded "oh, the doctors help take the baby out" as apparently that was "too much information" and she might not know what a vagina is...

So, was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Imanamechangeninja · 16/07/2019 12:54

@myopinionisvalid so are sex, or buggery

‘Buggery’ is sex. Anal sex may not be your preferred practice but for those who enjoy it it’s definitely sex!

Rachelover40 · 16/07/2019 12:55

You were quite correct, used the right language and your niece was unfazed which was obvious by how she went on to talk about baby names.

I get that people do have Caesarians but they are the exception rather than the rule and she can learn about that later.

mindutopia · 16/07/2019 13:10

My eldest has known how babies were born (and made, glossing over some of the specifics!) since she was 2. She started watching birth videos from 3 (I had a home birth with her and planned another so it was important for her to know what to except as she would at least e in the house). She’d just turned 5 when her brother was born. She wasn’t in the room but came in about 2 minutes later. Her only concern was that I had blood on my leg and might get it on the carpet. She was not phased. And she’s quite pleased to talk to people about birth now. I hope she carries on thinking of it as a normal everyday experience and not something to only be spoken about in hushed tones.

sirfredfredgeorge · 16/07/2019 13:16

‘Buggery’ is sex. Anal sex may not be your preferred practice but for those who enjoy it it’s definitely sex!

Maybe the poster has Clinton-esque definitions, they were accepted by the US Senate after all...

Redwinestillfine · 16/07/2019 13:20

My 5 and 7 year olds know and have done since they asked a year or so ago. I don't see the issue. We haven't got onto how the baby got in there yet though, just answering direct questions!

dArtagnansCrumpet · 16/07/2019 13:20

My 4 year old asked how she came out. She knows the full story with both her and her brother. I had emcs with her brother and elcs with her. I told her her brother was struggling to breathe so doctor had to cut my tummy open to get him out and they did the same for her to keep her safe. She was fascinated! I told her most babies come out of the vagina but not always she said well I guess I don't want a baby then Grin.

WiddlinDiddlin · 16/07/2019 13:27

That is exactly the answer I would have given, no messing about, simple, to the point and move on.

If people do not want kids to get simple facts from others they need to do it themselves and get in there first.

I, and I am sure others, won't lie to children or confuse them with obfuscation and avoidance - if they are old enough to ask the question they are old enough for a sensible, truthful answer.

Babdoc · 16/07/2019 13:28

BeyonddangerousTshirts, I love your post!
As a doctor, I often had discussions at the table with my young DC which would have caused much pearl clutching by the more uptight PPs on here!
I always answered their questions honestly- far preferable to them hearing playground myths from other kids - and it meant we continued to have an open and trusting relationship when they became teenagers.
I think we do kids a disservice by ducking normal sex education out of parental embarrassment. It makes a big deal out of simple biology. Just tell it like it is, the kids will take it matter of factly.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 16/07/2019 13:47

I think your answer was fine. And saying "doctors will help it out" as others have said, is incorrect and quite disempowering to women.

Camomila · 16/07/2019 13:56

Is there anyone elses DC who is just not bothered/interested?
I'm pg and DS (3) knows from seeing other pg mums at nursery that first theres a baby in the tummy, then theres a baby brother/sister.
No interest at all in how it gets there or comes out!

In your case I think I would have said, when the baby has finished growing i'll go to hospital and the midwives and drs will help me get it out (covers all eventualities then!)

Love51 · 16/07/2019 14:03

This whole conversation feels a bit prim and inaccurate. Why tummy? Is it somehow politer than womb? My DD never asked how the baby got in, but she was there when her little brother asked, so she knows (she is now 7)
OP I like your answer. Not too much detail, no fuss, just facts. I'd be annoyed with making it about the doctors, but that's because it doesn't reflect my experience. I understand you didn't mention C-section because then you start to get into details / questions about who decides if you push or get cut, and why?
I hope your dh knows what to expect!

GabriellaMontez · 16/07/2019 14:11

Perfect. Simple. Honest. Minimal.

Why people would give elaborate stories about doctors, tummies and c sections is beyond me. If she had gone on to ask "What happens if there is a long labour and the baby becomes distressed"? then you could have said the Dr would help, it's very common.

But she didn't because she's 6 and got a simple answer.

Tricky that her parents weren't there but as a pp said her response suggests you the a good answer.

wonkylegs · 16/07/2019 14:13

I told my DS all about having his brother and explained it all on simple terms - 2 main ways (I had a c-section for both of mine but keen for him to know that wasn't the only way)
I'm all about explaining things properly in an age appropriate way BUT it wasn't your child so I would have checked with their parents or referred back to them because ultimately it's their choice on how and when this kind of thing is explained, I know this is difficult when they just ask a question but it's still the right way to do it.

Gillian1980 · 16/07/2019 14:24

Yanbu in terms of that answer being ok for a 6 year old.

Yabu answering that question instead of telling her to ask her parents. I would like to do those talks with my kids rather than someone else answering for me.

SerendipityJane · 16/07/2019 14:30

Yabu answering that question instead of telling her to ask her parents. I would like to do those talks with my kids rather than someone else answering for me.

If anyone had tried that with my kids, they'd have immediately picked up it was a Big Thing ... if you ever want to know if an adult is being evasive, ask a child ....

Hadalifeonce · 16/07/2019 14:33

How times have changed..... when I was about 6 I asked a friend's mum 'when will your baby be born cos you're pregnant?'
She went straight to my mum and told her I shouldn't know about pregnancy at my age!
Lord knows what would have happened if I had mentioned her vagina.
When pregnant with DD, DS (2) asked how the baby would come out, I told him I has a special hole between my legs, and the baby would come out of there, he asked if he could have a look at the hole.......

Gillian1980 · 16/07/2019 14:34

If anyone had tried that with my kids, they'd have immediately picked up it was a Big Thing ... if you ever want to know if an adult is being evasive, ask a child ....

Well, to me it IS a big thing. Sex, relationships and children are hugely important aspects of life and I’d rather tell my children about them myself.

Teddybear45 · 16/07/2019 14:39

All children should know babies come from vaginas (describing a c-section to a child is not recommended until they’re a bit older) . It’s a basic fact of life.

LillithsFamiliar · 16/07/2019 14:40

I agree with PPs that it's a decision for parents. In your place, I'd have went for distraction and said something like, 'Well, we hope the baby will come out at the hospital' then prattle on about which hospital was she born in or followed up with and 'once baby is here they'll stay in this room, etc, etc.' It's not difficult to answer without lying, whilst respecting her parents' place.

TakeOneForTheBreem · 16/07/2019 14:41

"Well, to me it IS a big thing. Sex, relationships and children are hugely important aspects of life and I’d rather tell my children about them myself."

But why single those things out? If a child asks how plants grow or where we get milk from, do you worry about telling them about that too?

Babies and vaginas are part of life and making them into something different and special only turns it into something weird and scary in kids' minds.

Gillian1980 · 16/07/2019 14:45

I find those comparisons bizarre and can’t see the relevance.

Each to their own, I’m not expecting everyone/anyone to agree, but my preference for my children is to teach them myself.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 16/07/2019 14:46

Since your DD presumably has one, I think it highly appropriate she knows what a vag is!

I also don't see the harm in telling her where babies come from. Just hear in mind that although this is a Big Deal to you, it won't be to her yet and she will probably forget a lot of it.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/07/2019 14:47

If you are annoyed that your 6yo has asked someone else, and received a simple factual answer, then maybe you need to look at why you haven't discussed it before now. At 6 surely they've know you have periods or got books at home about the body or known someone else be pregnant warranting you talking.

If you want to get there first then you bring it up sooner. When exactly were their parents planning on discussing it?

NCforthis2019 · 16/07/2019 14:49

Watching this - my 5 year old asked my husband how we ‘made’ her this am. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Gillian1980 · 16/07/2019 14:51

My daughter knows what her vagina is! She also knows that babies can come of vaginas or be born by caesarean (I’ve recently had a section).

I think most people leave it too late age wise and I was keen to teach her sooner rather than later.

She may well not think it’s a big deal but as her parent I get to follow my preferences until she is able to decide for herself. Currently she’s very interested and asks lots of questions, probably as I’ve just had a baby, and DH and I prefer to answer these ourselves.