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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to tell a 6yo old how babies are born...?

114 replies

Rictusempra · 16/07/2019 11:45

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant, and niece, who is 6, naturally asked lots of questions. One of which being "How does the baby come out?"
to which I replied "Oh I have to push really hard, and the baby will come out of my vagina" Niece nodded, un-phased and then asked "Can we call him Storm if its a boy?!" and prattled on (as 6yos do) about "if it's a girl, can we called it Flower.... or Elsa etc"

DH was shocked and said I should have just responded "oh, the doctors help take the baby out" as apparently that was "too much information" and she might not know what a vagina is...

So, was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
BelladonnaKebab · 16/07/2019 14:52

@Lifecraft 😂😂😂

sleepylittlebunnies · 16/07/2019 14:53

I think you gave a simple, honest and age appropriate answer to your DN’s question. She was satisfied with the answer and moved on. Your DH’s response is a bit odd, a 6 year old who has a vagina should already know what one is. It’s the proper name not like using slang words.

My kids have known since small that babies come out of vaginas, they also know that sometimes it’s necessary for them to be delivered by Caesarian section. I remember watching a birthing programme with DS nearly 2 when I was pregnant with DD1. It was a lovely water birth and he got me to rewind to watch it again and again. He said “I want to see the baby come out of the mummy’s bum.” So I had to explain that although it looked that way it wasn’t the case. Women have 3 holes, one for wee, one for babies and one for poo. So he changed it to wanting to see the baby come out of the baby hole Grin.

amusedbush · 16/07/2019 14:56

I think your answer was perfect. Factual but not graphic. Any of the other cryptic answers are just confusing for a child.

I was 6 when DB was born and I remember being baffled about the whole thing. I had no idea how he got there, how he would be born, anything really. I was shipped off to a friend's house after being told that my mum was "going to hospital" with no other explanation and I was so distressed that I accidentally let go of their dog's lead and he ran across a road Sad (he was fine!)

Teddybear45 · 16/07/2019 15:04

My DN never asks her mum anything, she’ll ask her dad because he’s honest and when she wants further detail she’ll ask me. Re: periods She’s barely 8 but there’s a slightly older girl in one of her clubs who started her period unexpectedly in class and DN became obsessed and very anxious about them. As I’m the only female in the family who doesn’t hide away pads and liners she asked me to show her how to put them on, what they were for, etc. We went to the shops and got her a packet so she could keep it in her bag.

My sister or bil never said I’d overstepped the mark and to be honest I’d be really pissed off if they did. If a child trusts an adult enough to ask a question that adult should be able to answer it without the parent getting uppity.

Ifeelbloodyawful · 16/07/2019 15:04

he asked if he could have a look at the hole.......

GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

ddl1 · 16/07/2019 15:20

I don't think it's a bad thing to say; better than weird and incorrect ideas like that babies come out of the bellybutton, as quite a lot of children do think. However, ultimately as it's your niece not your daughter, it should be up to her parents. If you think her parents would be fine with this info, don't worry about what your dh says. But if not sure, it might have been better to tell her to ask her Mum about it.

SparkyBlue · 16/07/2019 15:22

Your response was perfect OP. I recently had a baby and my eldest daughter is 6 and was bursting with questions. She loved reading all about the pregnancy and what size the baby was at all the different stages and loved asking what happened at ante natal appointments. I have had c sections for all of my children so she was dying to see my stitches when she visited in hospital. She was there when my waters broke unexpectedly at home so loved that drama lol. It's also been a good opening to mentioning periods and my mum was even impressed with how much knowledge DD now has and how relaxed she is about it all.

GibbonLover · 16/07/2019 15:44

There was a thread last week which made me realise that we really do teach girls that their vaginas and vulvas are something to be ashamed of from an early age. I was talking to a good friend shortly after reading it, she told me that she was too embarrassed to see the GP about her difficult flow. This shame carries on to adulthood and prevents us from asking for medical assistance when we need it.

So no OP, YANBU.

SerendipityJane · 16/07/2019 15:55

There was a thread last week which made me realise that we really do teach girls that their vaginas and vulvas are something to be ashamed of from an early age.

Which is one way misogyny is perpetuated - along with the idea that women aren't really meant to enjoy sex and it's somehow sinful. I'm not a great one for vague fluffy words, when there are perfectly good accurate ones available.

LillithsFamiliar · 16/07/2019 16:05

But surely OP's question wasn't about using the correct words or whether a 6-yr-old is old enough to know? The question was whether it was her aunt's place to tell her.

Timeforachangeofusername99 · 16/07/2019 16:08

I think it was a perfectly fine answer, even for someone elses child. No parent should be annoyed with you saying that to their 6 yo. The only time I would hesitate would be if I knew the parents particularly well and knew they wouldn't like it for whatever reason.

My boy has known since the age of 4 where babies come out of and he's not in the slightest bit scarred lol he knows the womb, umbilical cord, placenta etc. all correctly thought occasionally calls the womb a baby bag Grin

PriestessModwena · 16/07/2019 16:10

I would have said baby just comes out of my tummy, stopped there, any further questions change attention quickly, tell parent, it's really their choice.

In family situations you usually have a word for bits like fluff or foof, vagina at 6 seems a bit... that's likely just me, I get it's called that, even at my age I still find it rather formal.

Purpletigers · 16/07/2019 16:10

Your reply was perfect. Children are never too young for the truth . Within reason .

HiJenny35 · 16/07/2019 16:11

My child, yes I would have explained, someone else's I would have said to ask their parent who would tell them all about it. It's up to a parent to decide what to say and when.

DogHasEatenTheSqueaker · 16/07/2019 16:11

My DSD8 collared me in Tesco with a barrage of questions. DH was absolute bugger all help and abandoned me with trolley, sodded off with the list to ‘bring things to me’. We had such gems as:

How do babies get in a tummy?
Does it have to be a man and lady to make a baby?
Can two men have a baby?
Does one of the men have the baby in their tummy?
So you have to buy bits of baby and mix it up?
Can two ladies have a baby?
Does that mean half the baby is in each of their tummies?
My friend at school has two mummies.
Can I have some hula hoops?
Do you poo the baby out?

She got hula hoops.

DogHasEatenTheSqueaker · 16/07/2019 16:12

Actually, she’d have been 7, she’s 8 now...

ColaFreezePop · 16/07/2019 16:13

I think your answer was perfect. Short, simple and matter of fact so your DN could move on quickly. If you mentioned doctors and midwives then that would stay in the back of your DN mind for decades.

ElphabaTheGreen · 16/07/2019 16:20

My DSs asked me at three and four years old respectively where babies came from and they got the full PIV, sperm, eggs, big words, in detail. No issues whatsoever. Slightly awkward conversation the other day, however, while they were listening to a recording of Matilda the musical, where Mrs Wormwood sings about her ‘smarting front bottom’ after giving birth which they wanted an explanation for, but at least they were already full bottle on the overall process.

I wouldn’t be so candid with anyone else’s child, though. I’d probably turn the question back on the asking child to ascertain how much they knew about conception and birth (‘What have mummy and daddy told you about where babies come from?’) and adjust my answer from there.

AllOverIt · 16/07/2019 16:22

6?

I think you did well OP.

BeyondDangerousTshirts · 16/07/2019 16:23

Babdoc Grin - not quite a doctor here, but related enough that I am deathly honest about stuff like that! And I have the nosiest children ever too, so they ask. A lot.

BeyondDangerousTshirts · 16/07/2019 16:24

My eldest is really into biology - he isn't happy with explanations, he wants videos!

PriestessModwena · 16/07/2019 16:26

So you're in a play park and a random child did the same, you believe go ahead?

IntoValhalla · 16/07/2019 16:28

Your DH is being ridiculous Hmm
My kids are 4 and 2, and I’m 31 weeks with DC3.
They were discussing between themselves in the bath that they have different “bits”, and my 4yo then turned to me and said “but why do girls have moomoos?” (She does know the correct anatomical terms before anyone decides I need shooting for having a nickname for it!), and I simply said “because that how babies come out”. She was amazed, and seems really impressed that in a few short weeks our baby is going to come out of mine Grin she thinks it’s a magical superpower that mums have apparently!

puppymouse · 16/07/2019 16:30

I had DD and two other friends in the car last week. They happily told me "X friend at school came out of her Mummy's bottom."

And I responded with "DD came out of my tummy with the help of the doctors."

That felt enough to me at the time.

SerendipityJane · 16/07/2019 16:30

she thinks it’s a magical superpower that mums have apparently!

Isn't it ? Pretty damn amazing in anyones book. As is all of nature.

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