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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU to tell a 6yo old how babies are born...?

114 replies

Rictusempra · 16/07/2019 11:45

I am currently 30 weeks pregnant, and niece, who is 6, naturally asked lots of questions. One of which being "How does the baby come out?"
to which I replied "Oh I have to push really hard, and the baby will come out of my vagina" Niece nodded, un-phased and then asked "Can we call him Storm if its a boy?!" and prattled on (as 6yos do) about "if it's a girl, can we called it Flower.... or Elsa etc"

DH was shocked and said I should have just responded "oh, the doctors help take the baby out" as apparently that was "too much information" and she might not know what a vagina is...

So, was I being unreasonable?

OP posts:

implantsandaDyson · 16/07/2019 12:02

I would have told her it depends on how the baby and me are feeling nearer to the time. There's a few different ways a baby can get out and maybe your mum and dad can tell you how you got out - let's ask them later.

lilmishap · 16/07/2019 12:03

My 6 yr old knew from 2 1/2 thanks to his little brother arriving very very quickly while he was outside the room.

He doesn't seem scarred for life, he has asked questions over the years and I've been as honest as needed.
If you don't tell him, the kids at school will and I wouldn't trust them to have all the facts!

Stompythedinosaur · 16/07/2019 12:04

I think it is a good idea to answer dc's questions honestly, and I think your answer was good. It might have been an idea to check with the parents first though.

InsertFunnyUsername · 16/07/2019 12:10

Some parents can be precious about this and wouldn't like their child being told. But i still would have answered the same as you OP. I can see where your DH is coming from but imo its always best to answer truthfully in an age appropriate way.

TigerTooth · 16/07/2019 12:12

It’s not up to you to decide this - you are not the parent. YABU.

supersop60 · 16/07/2019 12:13

YANBU. What you said was fine and age-appropriate. (If she'd asked "what's a vagina?" what would you have said?)
Her reaction tells me that your answer was enough.

SayNoToCarrots · 16/07/2019 12:19

I wouldn't want someone telling my daughter that "the doctors help to take it out". Firstly, it's not true for the vast majority of women who are assisted by midwives. Secondly, it minimises the woman's role.

SerendipityJane · 16/07/2019 12:22

The doctors help to take the baby out - is the perfect answer really.

Is it really ? So childbirth immediately becomes a medical condition, not a natural process ?

For culture that is happy to use sex for everything, it's incredible how coy we suddenly become having to talk about it.

bookworm14 · 16/07/2019 12:22

I’m utterly baffled that anyone would be annoyed by someone telling their six-year-old child that babies come out of your vagina. It’s simple biology, not some weird sexual fetish or taboo concept.

And ‘doctors’ didn’t ‘help get my baby out’; a midwife did.

Lifecraft · 16/07/2019 12:23

When my son asked me where he came from, I spent half an hour giving him the full talk. When I asked him why he wanted to know, he said "because Yussef says he comes from Somalia"

D'oh!

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 16/07/2019 12:25

Is it really ? So childbirth immediately becomes a medical condition, not a natural process ?

It is the perfect answer when talking to someone else's child when you have no clue what they have been told before. Vague answers, followed by a heads up for the parents is the correct way to handle it.

Cryalot2 · 16/07/2019 12:27

The beauty of my kids growing up on a farm . They seemed to take things for granted and never got in awe about things .
We did tell them when they asked

sirfredfredgeorge · 16/07/2019 12:29

It’s not up to you to decide this - you are not the parent

The parents obviously were not around, and if they have given unsupervised access by the adult, then yes the adult is free to answer age appropriate questions in an age appropriate way. The answer was one.

Soubriquet · 16/07/2019 12:31

I told my dd where babies come from and how they are born

She crossed her legs and made a really disgusted face

Had me in giggles for ages...

She still wants babies though so I haven’t traumatised her that much

Flamingjo · 16/07/2019 12:31

When my dd (aged 4 at the time) asked me how her baby brother would get out of my tummy, I told her that babies usually come out of women's vaginas. She thought it was hilarious and asked me to repeat what I'd said a few times with increasing amounts of laughter each time I said it. She's now almost 6 and she is completely unphased by this information. Surely it's better to tell the truth than make up some airy fairy story about babies coming from cabbages or storks?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 16/07/2019 12:31

If a nice or nephew asked how a hip bone worked or how poop works would you redirect them to their parents? Or would you just tell them the facts? Why is birth so "controversial"? It's a biological fact.

MyOpinionIsValid · 16/07/2019 12:33

Why is birth so "controversial"? It's a biological fact. So is sex, or buggery but we dont discsus that at the dinner table either.

ohcanada · 16/07/2019 12:35

I think your response was perfect. She doesn't need to know about medical procedures or worry about what doctors are going to do to get it out.

Surely plenty of 6 year olds have seen animals give birth!

REllenR · 16/07/2019 12:37

I'd give the same answer as you, OP. But try to change the subject quickly after that so I didn't get more questions. I'd be annoyed if my daughter was told the doctors help get the baby out but would understand why someone might tell her that based on this thread!

My 5 year old has asked me exactly how babies are made and I've told her the age appropriate truth and answered her direct questions honestly.

Pinktinker · 16/07/2019 12:37

Sounds absolutely fine to me. I had a baby eight months ago and my DC were 6, 7 and 8 at the time. I was very honest and told them that usually babies come from a woman’s vagina but sometimes very smart people called surgeons cut the Mummy’s uterus open and pull the baby out from here- then pointed to my bump. I mentioned this because I had an ELCS but they were all born vaginally. They handled it fine 🤷🏻‍♀️. They also know all about periods after seeing me wiping blood and asking why.

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 16/07/2019 12:38

I would have said something more vague, like "the baby comes out of my tummy when it's ready. Hey, will we make buns? Oh look there's a bird!". I personally think it's up to parents to decide how much their 6 year old should know about child birth. But hey, if your brother/sister is happy with it then that's perfect!

TheABC · 16/07/2019 12:43

I am in favour of telling them young before they get the message it's shocking or somehow wrong. DS asked and got the age appropriate answer at 3. It's not going to push them into an adult awareness and it will prevent playground confusion.

TakeOneForTheBreem · 16/07/2019 12:43

The baby comes out of your vagina. That's what you told her.

All of this "ask your mum/the doctor helps/it just comes out" makes it a bigger and more confusing thing than it needs to be.

TakeOneForTheBreem · 16/07/2019 12:44

"the baby comes out of my tummy when it's ready"

But it doesn't come out of your tummy. It comes out of your vagina.

Are vaginas dirtier and wronger than tummies and therefore unmentionable?

BeyondDangerousTshirts · 16/07/2019 12:45

I'd discuss sex and buggery at the dinner table, if it was in answer to a direct question

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