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AIBU?

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Original poster

Too feel a little upset with my sister in law?

185 replies

teenmum18 · 16/07/2019 10:51

This is really bugging me and I need to know if I was in the wrong here.

Last Monday my 2 DD's were sick just the once.
Nothing else after that and they were perfectly fine.

Friday we travelled to my db and sil to visit them. They have a 5yo and 6 week old twins.

Whilst we were there my dd5 went white as a sheet and said her belly hurt. Took her to the toilet and she had a really runny belly.
After 10 mins she perked up and we left about 30 minutes after.
Later on in the evening dd had a few more diarrhoea episodes and went to bed. But dd2 woke up early hours in the morning and vomited Confused but since then both have been fine.

My mum was on the phone to db this morning and he told her that they had all been sick since our visit. DN5 wouldn't speak to my mum on the phone and kept screaming every time she spoke to him. Sil got on the phone and said that "that little girl had brought the sick bug down to them" meaning my dd.
My mum explained that I wouldn't of taken the kids to see them if they was poorly, and that they'd been sick once 4 days before the visit. My mum was pretty pissed off when she phoned me this morning because it sounded like they'd all been talking (sil parents are staying with them) about my dd.

Was I in the wrong? I feel so bad especially because the have tiny babies. But how was I to know 😔

OP posts:
Aridane · 17/07/2019 19:36

OP if you were my SIL and my niece had just been ill in my house babies or no babies I would have said don't worry about it these things happen hope my niece feels better soon. And I would have been happy to do the disenfecting whilst you cuddled your child

Now I'm vomiting - not with norovirus but with overload of Cloying sweetness

NatNoo · 17/07/2019 19:37

I really don’t think you are in the wrong per se but if I had 6 week old twins I would have appreciated you messaging to reiterate that the children had been ill and whilst they were apparently fine, would she prefer you not to bring them to visit just in case?

Lipz · 17/07/2019 19:46

Can you explain where it says to wait more than 48 hours if you’re visiting a newborn?

If you read my post properly I didn't say it's on any web site. Nor did I say you HAD to wait more than 48 hours. I said out of consideration you'd wait a bit longer as no one knows what the new borns immune system is life.

PurpleDaisies · 17/07/2019 19:47

Here are the rules for visiting babies in the neonatal intensive care unit at Great Ormond Street...

Please do not visit if you have a cold, cough or an upset stomach, or think you have recently been in contact with someone who has. You should wait until you have not had any symptoms for 48 hours before you visit.

If you had to wait longer for newborns, you’d have thought they might have said so in their guidance.

cushioncovers · 17/07/2019 19:49

Yanbu your kids were ill on the Monday night and were then fine for four days before they got to your family.
However perhaps you and your dh were carriers of the bug but just didn't suffer from it ?? 🤷🏻‍♀️

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/07/2019 21:09

Well I have never been accused of cloying sweetness before but thats exactly what would have happened in my house or my sisters or parents, because we all realise that these things do happen and instead of making a drama about it we just get on with it. So whoever's child it is comforts child and whoever's house it is cleans it up.

Catsinthecupboard · 17/07/2019 21:13

You were fine.

Try not to hold this against your family; very young twins and parents never stop being overprotective.

Her parents were probably worried about her and their dgc.

Let the world spin around and remember how you felt when your dc were fresh out and sickly.

nuxe1984 · 17/07/2019 21:22

They weren't sick when you took them. They'd been sick 0nce, 4 days before and fine since. My assumption would have been either they'd eaten something that disagreed with them or had a 24 hour virus thing.

If a child was sick once you wouldn't keep them off school all week. You'd ensure they went 24 hours without being sick again them send them back to school.

MILHouse · 17/07/2019 21:30

I think the only one being U here is your DM.

marvellousnightforamooncup · 17/07/2019 21:37

Not your fault. You took your apparently healthy children to visit, well outside of the usual quarantine period.

FWIW my brother and DN brought D&V to DS and me when he was a tiny baby. This shit (literally) happens sometimes. It helped me lose the baby weight at least.

scubadive · 17/07/2019 21:55

You were completely irresponsible taking 2 young children who both had (and could still, did still have) a sickness bug to s family with a 5 yr old and 6 WEEK OLD TWINS OMG. They need a sickness bug like a whole in the head, I would be completely fuming with you and then some.

It's nothing to do with your DD youre the one at fault. Did you put yourself in their mums position at all, can't imagine how difficult 5 week twins are plus a 5 year old. If there was a slightest risk of infecting them (clearly sick 4 days before) there is no way you should have gone near them. Selfish and inconsiderate.

PurpleDaisies · 17/07/2019 22:00

If there was a slightest risk of infecting them (clearly sick 4 days before) there is no way you should have gone near them. Selfish and inconsiderate.

This is ridiculous. The children would have been allowed into neonatal intensive care units with some of the sickest children in the country are since more than 48 hours had passed since they had last had symptoms.

MummyMayo1988 · 17/07/2019 22:55

OP you couldn't have known!
You should wait 72 hours after being sick/ funny tummy and seeing anyone - which you did. How does SIL know your DD didn't catch it off hers?!
Kids catch bugs and upset tummys and all sorts; especially from school. This year my DS (5) has had at least 4 tummy bugs. Sickness, diarrhoea... the works. It's a part of childhood! Dont think anything of it. Her kids will get ill like any others.

Skandiminsk · 17/07/2019 23:02

You didn't do anything wrong. Your kids were ill Monday, you saw family Friday. Everyone knew the situation and it's just one of those coincidental things! Unfortunately, for your bro & SIL with a young family of a 5yr old & 6wk twins, they are tired/exhausted and feel it more than anyone else. You're not to blame, and they could have suggested to you not to come on that day if they thought it might have affected them or their children. Don't worry about it. Everyone is fine x

winniestone37 · 17/07/2019 23:07

So there was definitely 4 days? If so it's unrelated, your Dd had a new bug it it wasn't even her. Was it definitely 4 days though?

Jamiefraserskilt · 17/07/2019 23:44

After vomiting, any remaining bad stuff goes south so an episode of bum sickness is common. If your other dd then got sick again, it could have come from their house. It could come from shopping trolley they used or anything. Bad as it may be, and it is bad looking after babies if you are unwell yourself, kids get sick. It is not as if they were unaware of their illness earlier that week and postponed your visit.
Also calling your daughter That young girl instead of her name was bloody rude.

EllenMP · 18/07/2019 08:12

YANBU. You were well outside the 48 hour window that we are told is the infectious time. Not your fault.

busyhonestchildcarer · 18/07/2019 13:25

If she is breastfeeding odd thatthey should get ill.Sickness was 4 days before so most people would have thought you were fine and as she knew it was down to her to stop the visit.Its not your fault xx

Nearly47 · 18/07/2019 15:46

I think you were a bit careless. But Ive seen a baby bedding hospitalised because of a common cold. So if anyone has been seek in my family I wouldn't have visited. The same with my frail in laws (They take months to get completely better from a flu)

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2019 15:47

So if anyone has been sick in my family I wouldn't have visited.

For how long?

Nearly47 · 18/07/2019 15:52

People saying that is unrelated. The bug will travel from one person to another and sometimes you are infected and have no symptoms. My eldest had norovirus he caught at school but was very mild and only vomited once. Two days later my youngest got it much worse. And then a couple of days later my DH. I didn't get it but could be that I was still infected since I looked after all of them. So this two days thing is relative and not so precise and when it come to newborns you need to be supercarefull

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2019 15:58

You’re asking people to be more careful than neonatal intensive care units require Nearly47. Look at what Great Ormond Street ask of people visiting very, very sick newborns. I posted it further up the thread. No symptoms for 48 hours. What makes you think you know better than them?

Nearly47 · 18/07/2019 16:04

If you care about the people in question, yes.

PurpleDaisies · 18/07/2019 16:06

You’re being ridiculous Nearly47. Medical experts have said 48 hours is long enough. Again, what makes you think you know better? How long should the op have waited? Three days? A week? A month?

Nearly47 · 18/07/2019 18:30

Medical experts also say the amount of pesticides in our food aren't dangerous. I go from my experience in this case and the risks for all involved. And by what the OP said her kids were still sick during the visit. Kind of proving my point. I would wait over a week without symptoms to visit a newborn.

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