Too feel a little upset with my sister in law?

[teenmum18]

This is really bugging me and I need to know if I was in the wrong here.

Last Monday my 2 DD's were sick just the once.
Nothing else after that and they were perfectly fine.

Friday we travelled to my db and sil to visit them. They have a 5yo and 6 week old twins.

Whilst we were there my dd5 went white as a sheet and said her belly hurt. Took her to the toilet and she had a really runny belly.
After 10 mins she perked up and we left about 30 minutes after.
Later on in the evening dd had a few more diarrhoea episodes and went to bed. But dd2 woke up early hours in the morning and vomited but since then both have been fine.

My mum was on the phone to db this morning and he told her that they had all been sick since our visit. DN5 wouldn't speak to my mum on the phone and kept screaming every time she spoke to him. Sil got on the phone and said that "that little girl had brought the sick bug down to them" meaning my dd.
My mum explained that I wouldn't of taken the kids to see them if they was poorly, and that they'd been sick once 4 days before the visit. My mum was pretty pissed off when she phoned me this morning because it sounded like they'd all been talking (sil parents are staying with them) about my dd.

Was I in the wrong? I feel so bad especially because the have tiny babies. But how was I to know 😔

YANBU @teenmum18

You weren’t to know that your DD was still unwell and of course you’d have steered clear if you thought she was!

I have twins and remember my DH’s cousin visiting the week after they came home from their 4 month NICU stay (very prem and underweight) DD was on oxygen following bronchiolitis and a collapsed lung - this cousin decided not to tell us she and her DC had recently had nasty persistent colds. My DD ended up back in hospital. I was (as I’m sure you can imagine) royally pissed off and scared for my DD.

So I will say this for your SIL - newborn twins are probably driving her to the brink of exhaustion, worry and all the other crazy emotions that come with looking after newborn little babies. The hyper awareness that comes with one newborn is stressful enough (as I’m sure you remember), with two it’s like you can’t ever let yourself switch off. So whilst I don’t think you’re being unreasonable (I don’t think her badmouthing your DD is on at all) I can sympathise with her position a bit. I imagine becoming ill on top of all else pushed her over the edge a bit.

I’m hoping her little ones and your DD are well now. I also hope the situation calms itself after a week or two to cool down x

@NaviSprite thank I can imagine it's hard. But in case you haven't read the whole thread. She's not ill and nor are the twins. It was her 5 year old Saturday and my brother sat/sun. Their all fine today. And even had Visitors Sunday and went out for dinner.

If it really was 4 days of them being okay then no, you did nothing wrong and it couldn't be helped. If you had any inkling at all that they were still not 100% then you were completely wrong to bring them to a house with babies that young. It doesn't matter that the twins didn't get sick, looking after twins is hard enough without a sick 5yo on top of it so I see why they are mad. But if you genuinely didn't know then no it's not your fault.

I know 48hrs are the guideline for schools etc, but no way I would have taken my children to visit newborn twins in that situation.

And give your SIL a break, of course she's going to be upset and stressed. It's just one of those things.

@beckywiththecraphair of course I didn't know.

I can understand why she is annoyed that they are ill, but it's not right to be so awful about it. If they were fine in the three days in between, it's reasonable to think they were not contagious.

Sure it’s nothing they all ate that day?

Not connected to the takeaways is it?

Isn't there a chance your children caught a bug at your SIL's house?

I'm an emetophobe and I don't think your were in the wrong OP, as long as you are being entirely truthful about the children being sick once and otherwise well between the Monday and Friday.

We've had bugs were there have been days between "episodes" but the kids certainly weren't their normal selves so despite them being 48 hours clear, there is no way we'd have visited anyone.

I wouldn’t of taken children who had been ill in the same week to visit newborns.
I’m not surprised she’s mad and if your children became ill again four days laters there is nothing to say the twins are safe yet.

Why are some PPs making out its the OPs fault. All the family (SIL included I presume) knew the DCs had been sick on Monday and no-one said to her they'd rather she postponed the visit.

You didn't do wrong here; referring to your daughter as 'that little girl' says a lot I think about her attitude towards you. She is in for a shock in the future if she thinks she can quarantine her smaller kids against any nasties that her own 5 year old will be rocking home from school with. These things happen, no-one is to blame. As far as you were concerned your children were not sick.

YANBU to visit four days after symptoms ended.

But it's possible she's angry at how you handled it when DD was clearly sick again. Did you keep your DD in one place so she wasn't spreading germs? Did you make everyone wash their hands and face? Were the children sharing toys or food while you waited? did you disinfect the bathroom and anything else your DD might have touched? Once your DD's symptoms were obvious, I'd expect you to keep both your DDS well away from the twins and for you to avoid touching them yourself. Did you knock on the shower door and tell SIL she needed to come out and take over with the kids so you could tend to DD and clean?

Newborn twins (were they full term?) are so vulnerable, if I was your SIL I wouldn't blame you for your daughter having D & V but I would be flipping furious if I didn't see that you'd done everything in your power to prevent the germs spreading once you knew.

I don't think you will get anywhere being mad at SIL. Maybe just try and empathise with the worry you caused her (albeit inadvertently). Multiple pregnancies are high risk, a lot of twins are early, she'd be getting bugger-all sleep... and you (I know, inadvertently) threw a huge problem her way.

She'd have to be a saint not to be at the turn of events.

I'd suggest you turn this round and say you're pretty miffed that your children apparently got food poisoning at their house.

I'd be furious you visited, with babies that young. Sorry.

Why, if you were in the SIL's shoes and knew they had been ill on the Monday but had done nothing to stop them coming?

@Crunchymum they were definitely only sick the once, tbh when they vomited I thought uh oh they've caught a bug. Got bowls,towels and water at the ready but they were just their normal selves playing fighting ect. I thought it couldn't be a bug because usually it's a day of them sleeping/moping/and watching tv. So at that point I assumed it might of just been the heat as it was extremely muggy that day/weekend. I mentioned on WhatsApp that the girls had been sick db and sil wished them a speedy recovery and later that day asked again how they were so I told them it hadn't happened again. Kept them off school/nursery on the Tuesday just to be sure. Wednesday,Thursday and Friday they were absolutely fine, until dd had the runny bum.

You're being very defensive and your DM is being ridiculous (and deliberately inflaming the situation by telling you lots of detail about the conversation).
You didn't deliberately infect them but surely you agree that you did in fact bring a bug into their house?
You are not the injured party here no matter how much your DM seems to be supporting you in thinking you are. Your DSIL has a poorly child and DH, and will be very worried about her twin babies as well as having her workload tripled since her DH can't help her and she now has a sick child to look after too.

I'm trying to think what they ate that day.. 🤔
Breakfast would of been cereal or toast with fruit. We got to there's just after 1:30 sil made them a picnic in the garden because it was so hot and they didn't want to come in. Db and dh got a Chinese at 6pm but dd5 didn't eat it because of her belly. Dd2 had rice, prawn crackers and chow mein. Dd2 woke at 5am and vomited a few times then went back to sleep at 8am and slept until noon and was back to her normal self 🤷🏻‍♀️

@LillithsFamiliar did. She did have a sick dh and child.

I am one of those people who believes in keeping sick people at home, cold, cough, whatever, they should be at home and even I would have thought that a child who vomited once on Monday would have been fine by the weekend to be out and about.

If my child was sick like that when I was visiting babies I would have packed up and left immediately though.

When my DD was very little, I once visited my mum at her house and some of my sisters turned up too and we had a nice family afternoon, all lovely, lovely. The next day, DD came down with an awful stomach bug, my mum got it too, one of my sisters - over the next few weeks, it went through our entire family, all the various sisters' kids got it, I had several days off work, DP got it on Christmas Eve, we had to cancel big family Christmas at ours that year - total nightmare.

Thing is, when my family talk about this memorable event, they all automatically say: "Oh yeah, Puppy, remember when you came to mum's and gave us all your sickness bug?" And I try to defend myself, saying: "But.. But... How come it's MY sickness bug?" It used to make me really cross as it wasn't my fault, but now I just let it go.

Basically, what I'm saying OP is, your family WILL get over this. You might just have to smile and nod and apologise for the rest of your natural time on earth, regardless of whose fault it was and whether you should have visited that day.

Hope everyone gets better soon.

@StoppinBy I couldn't leave immediately though. I was looking after 5 children. Sil was in the shower and dh and db were in our car at the Chinese. Dd sat on a chair in the garden on her tablet so she wasn't around the babies.

Has it occurred to them maybe their kids made yours ill?

It's unusually for a big to hang about for 4 days so far more likely that their kids were harbouring something.

Anyway, you told them, they didn't ask you not to come. Nobody died, kids get sick, it's no biggie.

Fair enough, it sounds from your following posts that you left as soon as you could so you did the right thing.

I would probably cut her some slack, your Mum should probably not have told you what was said. She must be exhausted at the moment and we all say shite we don't mean when we are tired and stressed.