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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Too feel a little upset with my sister in law?

185 replies

teenmum18 · 16/07/2019 10:51

This is really bugging me and I need to know if I was in the wrong here.

Last Monday my 2 DD's were sick just the once.
Nothing else after that and they were perfectly fine.

Friday we travelled to my db and sil to visit them. They have a 5yo and 6 week old twins.

Whilst we were there my dd5 went white as a sheet and said her belly hurt. Took her to the toilet and she had a really runny belly.
After 10 mins she perked up and we left about 30 minutes after.
Later on in the evening dd had a few more diarrhoea episodes and went to bed. But dd2 woke up early hours in the morning and vomited Confused but since then both have been fine.

My mum was on the phone to db this morning and he told her that they had all been sick since our visit. DN5 wouldn't speak to my mum on the phone and kept screaming every time she spoke to him. Sil got on the phone and said that "that little girl had brought the sick bug down to them" meaning my dd.
My mum explained that I wouldn't of taken the kids to see them if they was poorly, and that they'd been sick once 4 days before the visit. My mum was pretty pissed off when she phoned me this morning because it sounded like they'd all been talking (sil parents are staying with them) about my dd.

Was I in the wrong? I feel so bad especially because the have tiny babies. But how was I to know 😔

OP posts:
MissEliza · 16/07/2019 18:26

Op you did nothing wrong. Your dcs were clear for four days. It seems they had a virus that hung around in their bodies for quite a while. I've never heard of something like that and I can't blame you for thinking you were safe. Your sil and her dps do sound rude but once my dh's dn passed a sickness bug to my ds. It made him violently ill and I wasn't very pleased. We all get protective of our own kids.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 16/07/2019 18:44

Honestly, virus/bacterial bugs etc can linger on surfaces for up to four days, so even with 4 days in between, your children were still in the potentially infectious stage, since all they had to do was touch a surface the bug had been on and they could reinfect themselves.

Honestly i would have waited at least a week of no symptoms before going around someone as vulnerable as a few weeks old baby.

prettywoman25 · 16/07/2019 18:51

I wouldn’t worry, it’s done now and you didn’t realise.

itsabongthing · 16/07/2019 19:14

I don’t think YWBU as you weren’t to know!

However, I do recall that when my dd3 was a few weeks old and I was hormonal, very sleep deprived and quite down, I over reacted about someone bringing their ds to church when they were pretty sure he was harbouring chicken pox because the older brother had just had it.
I was so exhausted and at such a low ebb that the thought of coping with a new born with chicken pox, or more likely one of my older children getting it, really pushed me over the edge.
I thought they should not have brought him to church to play with my older dd in Creche but I guess rationally they couldn’t have been expected to keep him indoors ‘just in case’

Incidentally the little boy did then get it, I lived in fear for two weeks but my dds were ok.

Enclume · 16/07/2019 20:55

Btw your mum is definitely low-key stirring, OP.

Blondebakingmumma · 17/07/2019 07:18

I think you need to try to ignore the conversation that was between your mum and your SIL. It’s hard to trust Chinese whispers. If you are truly annoyed, then talk directly to your SIL about what was said.

I think you unintentionally brought the illness into their home. Moving forward, if they have accepted your apology, put it to bed. Try not to get caught up discussing it with you Mum.

pinkstripeycat · 17/07/2019 17:47

So yours were sick on the Monday and ou went to visit them on the Friday. Who’s to say they didn’t pass a different big to your DCs?

pinkstripeycat · 17/07/2019 17:47

Bug not big

ToftyAC · 17/07/2019 17:53

I don’t think YABU OP. People get sickness bugs all the time and with 4 days in between bouts and your SIL knowing about it, it’s just one of those things.

Ellisandra · 17/07/2019 18:07

Does your mum usually shit stir?

Personally I wouldn’t want your girls to visit my 6 week old twins. As they were both sick, it suggests a bug not a one off thing like eating too much. Even though it’s over the 48 hour rule, that rule is just a practical cut off to reduce risk, because we can’t really have people in isolation for extended periods. For most people - fine, but for 6 week olds I’d have said no. BUT... SIL was aware, so that’s by the by.

Your nephew is 5. They can be dicks at that age! I very much doubt he was repeatedly screaming about speaking to your mum on the phone - just playing up a bit.

You didn’t hear the “that little girl” comment. I bet it wasn’t malicious. Probably just a bit of dramatic effect in a “ooooooh, that little girl brought me the plague!” way.

Your mum didn’t need to tell you.

Ellisandra · 17/07/2019 18:12

Are you sure your SIL actually knew your two had been sick?

I just noticed you said she knew because it was in the family WhatsApp group.

That doesn’t sound like an actual conversation, “the girls both vomited on Mon, are you still happy that we come?”

Was it more a chit chat group where you mentioned more in passing that they were unwell? Cos with 5 week old twins and a 5yo, I sure as hell would have had that WhatsApp go in one ear and out the other!!

Original poster
teenmum18 · 17/07/2019 18:14

@Ellisandra yep she knew. Was talking on WhatsApp all that week.

She told me because I asked.

OP posts:
ahmadsmom2015 · 17/07/2019 18:43

She is clearly having a stressful time and took it out on you. When my children have gotten Ill after my sister has visited with her children, my husband has been annoyed as well but that’s only natural. It’s not your fault all the kids it was over 72 hours since your child had a vomiting session so you are not being unreasonable. Don’t worry. Just apologise when she is more calm she will realise she was in the wrong

sunshinemode · 17/07/2019 18:50

How do we know that ops dd was not reinfected at SiL’s house seeing as she had been well for 4 days

Lipz · 17/07/2019 18:55

I'd be annoyed, especially with new borns. You have to be so careful. It wasn't really 4 days free of sickness as they were sick on Monday fine Tue wed Thursday and sick on fri. So 3 days, so 72 hours sick free, that's only 24 hours over the 48hr guideline, and as it was new borns, you'd probably give an extra day or two.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 17/07/2019 18:59

To the people saying YWBU, how long would you leave it after the last vomit before visiting if 4 days is too little?

If I was her I would be mad...but you didn't do anything wrong as the vast majority of bugs wouldn't still be contagious by then and also you had told them in advance

PurpleDaisies · 17/07/2019 19:01

that's only 24 hours over the 48hr guideline, and as it was new borns, you'd probably give an extra day or two.

You wouldn’t. There’s no need. The guidelines are the same for everyone, regardless of age.

Andonandonan · 17/07/2019 19:04

Yanbu and I’m sure the in laws know that really but you can totally understand why they’re all feeling a bit stressed out if they’ve all caught a bug.

Don’t overthink it, I’m sure once they’re better they’ll calm down.

pollymere · 17/07/2019 19:04

There was a bug going around where you'd end up back at work, only to suffer the same horrific d&v five days later. You assumed it was a 24 hour bug so made a bad call. Don't beat yourself up over it. If it's doing the rounds then chances are they didn't catch it from your dd5 especially as it seems too quick to me, unless they got it a few days later. I suspect it's been caught from school or baby group.

Lipz · 17/07/2019 19:05

You wouldn’t. There’s no need. The guidelines are the same for everyone, regardless of age.

Well no they aren't, and as they are only guidelines, People need to be mindful in different situations. With new borns no one knows how their immune system is yet. So out of consideration you'd be a little extra careful.

newmumwithquestions · 17/07/2019 19:06

The only thing I think i’d have done differently is leave straight away after your DD had diarrhoea rather than 1/2 hour after that.

4 days post sickness is fine. Having Your DD around babies immediately after diarrhoea is not.

Namechangerextraordinaire1 · 17/07/2019 19:09

Tough one. I dont think ywbu exactly, or did anything wrong as such, but I would probably have been wary over visiting such tiny babies when your girls had had a bug.

I also think your sil is just stressed and exhausted and so it has become a major thing. If the babies were a bit older she probably wouldn't have been so upset

Original poster
teenmum18 · 17/07/2019 19:15

@newmumwithquestions I've explained why I couldn't leave straight away.

OP posts:
Fowles94 · 17/07/2019 19:18

I cba reading all the other judgmental replies. Firstly your daughters didn't have a sickness bug unless they were sick 3 times in 24 hours. Then the NHS say its fine to end isolation 48 hours after last occurence.

Then secondly how do they know they got it from you, it could of been anyone who passed it to them. Tell them all to fuck off.

PurpleDaisies · 17/07/2019 19:20

Well no they aren't

Here are the guidelines.
www.nhs.uk/conditions/diarrhoea-and-vomiting/

Can you explain where it says to wait more than 48 hours if you’re visiting a newborn?

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