Too feel a little upset with my sister in law?

[teenmum18]

This is really bugging me and I need to know if I was in the wrong here.

Last Monday my 2 DD's were sick just the once.
Nothing else after that and they were perfectly fine.

Friday we travelled to my db and sil to visit them. They have a 5yo and 6 week old twins.

Whilst we were there my dd5 went white as a sheet and said her belly hurt. Took her to the toilet and she had a really runny belly.
After 10 mins she perked up and we left about 30 minutes after.
Later on in the evening dd had a few more diarrhoea episodes and went to bed. But dd2 woke up early hours in the morning and vomited but since then both have been fine.

My mum was on the phone to db this morning and he told her that they had all been sick since our visit. DN5 wouldn't speak to my mum on the phone and kept screaming every time she spoke to him. Sil got on the phone and said that "that little girl had brought the sick bug down to them" meaning my dd.
My mum explained that I wouldn't of taken the kids to see them if they was poorly, and that they'd been sick once 4 days before the visit. My mum was pretty pissed off when she phoned me this morning because it sounded like they'd all been talking (sil parents are staying with them) about my dd.

Was I in the wrong? I feel so bad especially because the have tiny babies. But how was I to know 😔

48 hours symptom free for diarrhoea and/or vomiting is what is drummed into us in the nhs, and that's to be around very sick patients, so I would say 5 days symptom free is fine. I think I'd have left asap once you realised your dd wasn't right though

I'd never have gone if mine had been sick.

@teenmum18

Ah sorry I must have missed the update as I was typing.

Well then she is B a bit U. I imagine there’s a bit of “what if DTwins had gotten ill” going on with her that has skewed her reaction. But that doesn’t excuse her from her behaviour fully.

Were her twins in NICU at any point? It has been established that a lot of parents who go through traumatic birth and/or a stay in Neonatal units can develop PTSD like symptoms.

That doesn’t mean to say you’re wrong for being upset, but without understanding the full situation from your SIL’s side it’s hard to know if she is being an absolute arse or if she is one of many mothers so terrified at the thought of something going wrong with her little twins health that she’s become extremely overprotective (and so reacted a bit like an arse, but not always one).

That being said, when it comes to protecting a small babies health (or two) it is also her responsibility to stop visitors if she has concerns over illnesses. I had to turn my twins GP’s away more than once because they turned up with coughs, colds, stomach issues etc. The only one who bears a grudge against me for doing this is my MiL 😂

If she’s usually a fair and none dramatic person would a chat be on the cards?

Regardless of her reasons though she should not have spoken about your poor DD that way, especially when it’s very much an “egg and chicken” debate on who caught what bug from whom (rare for a minor stomach bug to last more than 48 hours and is usually past it’s contagious stage within the first 24 from what I know).

I will finish with admitting that I was a downright twat at times when my DTwins were little, I was always fraught and said some things I didn’t mean when I felt at the end of my tether. I have made apologies since and thankfully a lot of understanding from relatives means I haven’t done irreparable damage. Some situations we even laugh about now. I hope your SIL is able to mellow a bit and see that she was in the wrong for the bad mouthing x

Good lord. Of course you weren’t to know they would be sick again. You waited 4 days for goodness sake. To the ones saying you would be fuming - dont be so ridiculous - OP said there was no incident for 4 days inbetween - she’s hasn’t got a crystal ball to look into the future you know?????

I think YABU. Kids catch everything and bringing children who have thrown up (even just the once) to others is unfair, especially with six wo twins.

Hmm, your AIBU in your OP was ”Was I in the wrong?” when you clearly don’t think you were and here you clearly weren’t!!! I don’t understand why you have made a thread about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I can’t see any part of this where any normal person would have done anything differently to what you have done. I don’t get the angst.

Take no notice of people on here having a go. Your DD was 72 hours symptom free, you did nothing wrong at all, and considering schools state 48 hours before returning, i would suggest the sickness bug was passed back on to your kids by your family.

@GrabbyGertie I needed clarification because my mum said I wasn't in the wrong but you know when you can't but think "well was I in the wrong?" If I am I'll hold my hands up. I'm the sort of person that would never go around small babies with any kind of illness. I was the one to tell them that they shouldn't take the twins to a wedding last week because their too small and you they pick up anything, they listened and didn't go.

@NaviSprite no no nicu stay. She had them on the Thursday and was home by the Saturday eve.
I'll have a word with her in a week or so when she's calmed down a bit, thank you.

YANBU - I would (and probably have) done the same. It sounds like 2 separate bugs if they were that far apart and you weren't to know. These things happen. You are hardly likely to seek out the people who gave the bug to your dc and be annoyed with them are you?!

Ridiculous! Mumsnet so weird about sickness bugs! They could’ve got it from anywhere - yanbu

If it was the other way round, SIL bought her children round and they had diarrhoea upstairs in your house while you were downstairs with month old twins. I'm sure you'd accept her apology to her face and bitch to your mum too! Difference is your mum wouldn't call and tell SIL that you talked about her.

Don't blame the SIL blame your mum for telling tales, 'she called your daughter 'daughter' and not her first name' . Your SIL has a sick husband and 5 year old with twin babies, give her a break, I forgot my neices name when I was a sleep deprived new mum but luckily my MIL didn't call anyone to gossip about it. She doesn't need you being annoyed at her on top of a blabber mouth MIL.

Ypur Mum shouldn't have repeated what was said.

Your SIL is six weeks post birth with twins, she should be allowed to vent to her babies GM.

I'm probably a similar age to your Mum and have learnt to not take personally, anything a Woman, a few months post birth, says.

I also don't repeat things said to me by my DDs, especially about each other. So obviously your Mum isn't regarding her as Family, or does she like to stir the pot a bit?

I probably wouldn’t have gone or would have told the parents and left it up to them to decide whether we should go or not.

@NoSauce I did.
For those slating my mother. She's not like that at all she's not a shit stirrer or gossip she was telling me what sil had said on the phone. As soon as I heard from my db that he and nephew were sick I knew they'd blame us because of the Monday.
I asked my mum what was said on the phone and she repeated what was said, she didn't call me specifically to tell me.
'she called your daughter 'daughter' and not her first name'
Eh what? She called her "that little girl" and it was said maliciously.

YANBU. At all. 4 days had passed! Just bad luck.

Sorry OP I missed that. They had the chance to say not to come then. I don’t see how they can blame you really. Your DD could have passed the bug on to them or it could have come from somewhere else, you’ll never know.

"They had the chance to say not to come then."

Perhaps they're too busy with newborn twins to make such decisions for others?

Sounds as if your SIL was just having a vent, especially if her 5yr old get screaming!

When she sa

Too busy to write sorry we’d rather you leave it if your DDs have been sick? If it was important to them they would have said something.

Perhaps they're too busy with newborn twins to make such decisions for others?

Come off it, two adults can take 30 seconds out of caring for twins to send off a text. After all, they must have managed it when they arranged the visit.

I’ve been on the receiving end of D&V in similar circumstances. Except that I was 9 months pregnant and it put me into labour. Meanwhile DH and two DCs were puking all over. I still didn’t blame anyone. Shit happens.

Perhaps they're too busy with newborn twins to make such decisions for others?

They were texting everyday from mon-fri on the family group. Db texted me on the Friday morning to find out what time we'd be there as he was at the gym.

If you'd gone the day after then yes, YWBU, but with 4 clear days I'd say not. These things happen, kids are ill frequently... I totally get it will gave been a 'mare for your SIL, but I just think small children are ill lots and you have to accept it.

From what you say, your dd2 might well got whatever bug it was from the Chinese. That your DH and dd ate too.....

@Myriade she didn't eat the Chinese because of her belly.

I doubt the bugs were related, I wouldn't have had the slightest hesitation in visiting five days after sickness. You didn't do anything wrong.