Those of you who have moved to the UAE?

[MonstranceClock]

What's it REALLY like?

A friend has offered me a place on a graduate scheme at double the starting salary that would be offered here, for when I finish my degree.

However, I'm very feminist and have reservations about moving my daughter there. From everything I've heard via the media, from on here and from other sources, it just doesn't seem that safe a country to raise girls in. However, I am aware this could be my own prejudice as I come from an often misunderstood culture myself.

AIBU to dismiss quite a big opportunity because of doubt I have no real confirmation of? Are there any posters here who have emigrated there and have found it to be no where near as bad as it's portrayed.

I think you should stay put in the UK. These job opportunities should be left to more open minded people.

Plenty of expat single Mums here, plenty. Loads wrong with the place, plenty right too. It’s a wonderfully safe, clean place for young kids. Look for the Solo Mums UAE FB group for help and support. British Mums in Dubai is also a helpful group. Don’ believe everything you read on Mumsnet HTH

Which part of UAE? They differ vastly.
I've not lived there but have visited my husband who has worked out there, so not living the tourist lifestyle if you know what I mean.

Dubai is as liberal as you will get in UAE and replace I felt most comfortable.
Abu Dhabi is slightly more reserved than Dubai.
Al Ain - I felt totally out of my comfort zone. It was totally totally a different ball game. To be fair it was my feelings and my perceptions, no one was rude to me or anything but it was alot less relaxed and I really didn't enjoy my time there at all.

We've discussed living there several times but it's not for me tbh. We've lived and travelled many places and other Muslim countries but UAE isn't somewhere i'd want to live in, Although I'd happily visit Dubai again.

Whilst I was in UAE I found my Internet was often blocked. Certain mumsnet threads I couldnt revisit and half way through filling my basket up with Marks and Sparks undies in the sale, I lost access to it until i landed back in the UK. This made me feel extremely uncomfortable tbh.

I've been here for 14 years now. I certainly consider myself a feminist, just not one who thinks avoiding places that may challenge my views is the right way to go. Funny, for all the sand around here I'm not the one with my head buried in it like some people on this thread.

As long as you have proper documentation saying that you have sole custody of your children you will not have issues as a single mum.

As others have mentioned it's expensive to live here, so do consider your budget.

For those saying it's perfectly safe. meh. I've been harassed by men here as much as anywhere, and this is my 4th country of residence. I've been followed around stores, and attacked by a man in a parking lot with his dick in his hand. Someone tried to steal my car. I don't fool myself into thinking this place is perfectly safe.

However, it does offer my children the chance to experience multiple cultures. They have friends from all over the world, from all different religions and walks of life, and I think that is a priceless educational experience they wouldn't have if we were in my home country.

I love the focus on Science and Technology here, especially for women. Unlike Western society, Arabs believe that women are superior at STEM subjects, so the number of women in STEM is 60% as compared to 20% (or less) in the West. There is also an incredible focus on getting women to work, and while cheap domestic help does enable that now, there have been several laws passed to ensure that workplaces provide nurseries, longer maternity/paternity leaves, etc.

If you're the type of person who values exposure to other cultures and thrives on challenges, then this is the place for you. If you aren't, stay in the UK.

I’m intrigued to know more about the graduate scheme - could you tell us which industry this is in OP?

I am not in UAE, but have been an expat for nearly 25 years. I would suggest you look at the total package, not just the salary and consider the following:
rent paid? utilities? school fees? flights home - how many per year? health insurance including medical evacuation? dental? pension? tax advice? paying voluntary NI contributions in the UK? relocation allowance? pre-relocation visit? furnished accommodation?
if not furnished, shipping allowance? Air freight? sea freight?

Ooooh @AgentProvocateur do tell more! As a woman approaching mid-life with hardly any pension to come, and no desire to sit at home doing granny duties, I'm intrigued by your sense of adventure. What field do you work in? Where do you eat? Do you have a husband? What does your flat look like? More details please.

I love the focus on Science and Technology here, especially for women. Unlike Western society, Arabs believe that women are superior at STEM subjects, so the number of women in STEM is 60% as compared to 20% (or less) in the West

See I love unexpected cultural idiosyncrasies like this. Messes with your stereotypes. Great thing about seeing and experiencing the world with an open mind.

I grew up there and am really surprised at people saying that their DDs can walk around in a swimsuit without being ogled

I was routinely catcalled/followed home, and was groped by a shopkeeper when I was 10 - I was lucky to get out of that one. My sister was groped in a major shopping mall (City Center) and security just shrugged. There was a general attitude that tou should have taken more care if you didn't want men to assault you.

Maybe it's changed in 15 years but I'd be very surprised if the underlying attitudes were completely abolished.

Oh, and domestic labour. We had a maid and it was lovely (as was she), but I do look back and think WTF?

I will add that we have an Arab Muslim father, so my sister and I were always dressed in what he considered appropriate attire - we weren't groped/harassed due to our clothes. I suspect it was because we were white - when we lived there there was a definite general belief amongst Arabic people (mostly Muslims) that white = promiscuous, even if you're only 13. We knew this even then and tried to keep our heads down.

Again, I'd be amazed if that's changed - maybe in the expat bubble of Jumeirah or Umm Suqueim it's different (we lived in Sharjah, but I'm fairly confident the prejudice didn't stop at the Sharjah border).

Again, I'd be amazed if that's changed

No of course it hasn't. Definitely still an issue. Granted, it's one I've experienced all over Asia & Africa, so not confined to the UAE at all!

SEN people are called 'people of determination' and there is a huge push to be more inclusive. But how effective it is and how much provision there is in reality I dknt know. It used to be pretty dismal (5 years ago)

@Purpletigers

That sums it up perfectly, (we were there in Dubai's hey-day and then crash) best description ever! Must remember that one!!

I’ll put my head above the parapet here: I’ve lived in the UAE for 12 years and we love it here.

I’ll leave others who have never visited to savage the place, I’ll address some of the very practical considerations you need to consider:

Is housing provided or is an allowance included? Rent is astronomical
Where is your work based? This plays a part in your quality of life and where you will live.
How old is your daughter? Is her schooling included? This is eye watering. We only have one child due to these costs.
How many visa are included? Employers legally have to sponsor you as part of the job, not always children. In which case, you will have to pay for these for your kids.
You say you have a baby on the way – what is the healthcare they are offering like?
Are you aware that maternity leave is very very short here? 45 days – you can extend by 100 days (unpaid) but it is far from ideal.
What will you do for childcare? Schools finish early here so you will likely need a nanny. As well as the monthly salary you will need to pay for her visa and have accommodation big enough for her to live in.

PM me any questions, always happy to help. We live a very quiet ordinary existence here. We live in a very local/Emirati area, not out in the desert in a ‘bubble’ as so many do. My husband and I both work, running our own businesses.

Our neighbours are all nationalities and cultures and religions and we all live happily. My 5 year old daughter loves school and her friends are from all over the world. We celebrate Christmas, Easter, Ramadan, Eid and Diwali.

Good luck!

greybasket makes a great point here:

If abuses of this economic power bother you (like me) then while you are there, volunteer at the many expat charities and be involved in changing the law and changing the conditions there for migrant workers. It's more effective than sitting in the UK and judging people as it HAS led to the law and conditions changing in the camps. But do recognise it's a world wide economic issue. If you ban migrant workers, those villages are not getting flood defences, water or bathrooms and children are not being educated to be able to break out of the backbreaking $1 a day work actually available in Bangladesh and other countries.

We work with the community to help labourers here, through a number of initiatives. We do these during Ramadan and throughout the year. I honestly can't say the same for anyone I know back in the UK..

Don't look out your window when you drive through certain areas and you won't have to see the slave labour that your wealth will be built on, and turn a blind eye to the beaten and abused maids that nearly every home has and you should be fine. 🙄

Hulkspurplepanties it's certainly a widespread issue, but worse in the Gulf/Saudi I think. My Syrian cousins used to speak disparagingly about the Gulf (male) tourists who would come up to Syria for a holiday and spend their time trying to chase Syrian girls (usually the ones of Armenian origin as they're Christian and therefore apparently fair game, unlike Muslims). The Gulf has a reputation even amongst other Arab countries, unfortunately.

I'm a bit torn, honestly. I grew up there, and when I go to visit my dad I'm home again. The sky, the air, the smell, the heat - it all fits my internal definition of 'right', in a way that I hadn't realised I was missing. But its politics, society and structure are just plain offensive to me now in ways that I didn't have the language to articulate then. I can see that things are improving, and I'm grateful for it, and the region will always have a place in my heart. But I honestly don't think I could live there anymore without feeling like a massive hypocrite (I do think of myself as a lefty liberal after all ).

ContessaLovesSunshine I found it far worse in South Korea. I've yet to be asked how much I cost in the Gulf.

I'm an extremely lefty liberal. Any changes coming about are because of internal pressures from the local & expat communities to change, and partly to attract more tourism. They are not driven by the people who refuse to come here for whatever "lofty" reason.

I don't see how you can expect to change a place by doing nothing and having nothing to do with it.

I'm loving this thread. Tales of women abroad in unusual countries - I could read them all day!

Absolutely boiling hot for 6 months too. Unbearably so. Air conditioned houses or malls is pretty much the only option.

For some reason I had forgotten about the heat. I wouldn't consider moving there at all then. I can barely tolerate the heat here.

Absolutely boiling hot for 6 months too. Unbearably so. Air conditioned houses or malls is pretty much the only option.

You do acclimate. Pools & Waters parks are also lovely options for some sun.

The UAE is a good place to live if you’re single without kids or married (with or without kids). But as a single mum who plans to bring her kids along you are on thin ground - sex outside marriage is illegal there. All it would take is a UAE resident with a grudge for you to go to prison on moral grounds. I would suggest, if you go, don’t bring your kids (most companies that hire expats often have generous flight packages for returning home throughout the year) and if you do mention them you shouldn’t mention that you were unmarried when you had them.

I have no experience of the UAE but I am wondering what job your “friend” is offering a broke single mum who is currently pregnant
How well do you know the friend and how confident are you that this opportunity is genuine?

Hoppinggreen I'm wondering that too. I worked in secondary education here for over 7 years and I'm not aware of any graduate schemes open to expats that would allow her to finish her degree while making enough money to support 2 children.