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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Those of you who have moved to the UAE?

111 replies

MonstranceClock · 15/07/2019 15:44

What's it REALLY like?

A friend has offered me a place on a graduate scheme at double the starting salary that would be offered here, for when I finish my degree.

However, I'm very feminist and have reservations about moving my daughter there. From everything I've heard via the media, from on here and from other sources, it just doesn't seem that safe a country to raise girls in. However, I am aware this could be my own prejudice as I come from an often misunderstood culture myself.

AIBU to dismiss quite a big opportunity because of doubt I have no real confirmation of? Are there any posters here who have emigrated there and have found it to be no where near as bad as it's portrayed.

OP posts:
Atalune · 15/07/2019 19:58

Get a good ex pat package and do it for 2-4 years. Health care, schooling or preschool, housing. If you can get all that then do it. If you can’t then I doubt it would be worth it to you.

It’s a windfall for saving ££. And I think it is an incredible place to live. Short term.

gingerbreadsprinkle · 15/07/2019 20:06

Not OP, but can anyone answer how it may be for children with SEN (i.e. ASD)?

GreyBasket · 15/07/2019 20:07

Firstly segregated areas are nothing to do with safety! They are a cultural norm. It's not correct to say if it's safe, they'd be no need. If there are not many different cultures living there, some very conservative, they wouldn't be "needed". But there are, so it is. "Safety" is not the concern.

Secondly, I'd challenge anyone to travel to Bangladesh and see men carrying salt for $1 a day and villages with no flood defences, clean water and no bathrooms, and then say it's not a world wide economic problem that leads to these sorts of job opportunities being offered and available to them rather than a Dubai-specific human rights issue. Companies pay to put bathrooms and water and flood defences into these villages as part of the "deal". I also spoke to labourers paying school fees back in Bangladesh for all their children.

If abuses of this economic power bother you (like me) then while you are there, volunteer at the many expat charities and be involved in changing the law and changing the conditions there for migrant workers. It's more effective than sitting in the UK and judging people as it HAS led to the law and conditions changing in the camps. But do recognise it's a world wide economic issue. If you ban migrant workers, those villages are not getting flood defences, water or bathrooms and children are not being educated to be able to break out of the backbreaking $1 a day work actually available in Bangladesh and other countries.

MissEliza · 15/07/2019 20:12

I think it's very expensive to provide a good standard of living for a family. We looked it about ten years ago and I was amazed at the amount we'd be spending on schooling and housing. Kids also usually have long trips to school by bus.
We have several friends who live and raise families there. There aren't the same opportunities for sports like there is here and everything is very commercial. Our friends' kids used to boast to my dcs about going to places like Kidzania but I'd rather my kids be playing in the park at the weekend.

Terrifiedandregretful · 15/07/2019 20:14

I would never live and work there no matter what the salary offered. The country runs on what is basically slave labour. As the pp said, you could be imprisoned for being raped. The ex-pat bubble may be very lovely, but imho it's not worth the risk or selling your soul for.

GreyBasket · 15/07/2019 20:19

@MissEliza you'll find it different now to ten years ago regarding schools. Mine was 10 minutes drive away max. There are very many more schools now. I could have chosen two within walking distance if I'd wanted.

And park is also absolutely the place to be for children. All children went to my local one from about 5-7 o'clock every night, generally before dinner. Mine did this every week day from October to about May.

That's actually what my littlest one misses most about moving back - the lack of park community life.

Terrifiedandregretful · 15/07/2019 20:19

Just seen you are a single mum op. I understand the temptation money wise but look very carefully into what prejudice and legal issues you may encounter as a result.

CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook · 15/07/2019 20:24

I think it ultimately depends on how much the schooling and rent is, and whether your healthcare will be included, otherwise I say go for it OP even just for a short time!. A friend of sister is a nurse out there (trained on NHS initally) She intended to stay only for a short time and then go to America but decided to stay, she likes it so much. Apparently there are lots of expats, including militia from around the world. Shes met a few American soldiers apparentlyHmm

I think it's great that despite being a SP you have the ability to still be relatively free to take up opportunities available to you, and great for your DD. I think that's a very feminist thing to do actually. Show your DD what being a strong female intrepid woman is about. And who knows? By going you may help another woman in some way. It's great to experience what's good and bad about every culture.

Provided you could make it work then do it!

MissEliza · 15/07/2019 20:28

Well based on the information we had at the time, we felt the quality of life for the children wouldn't be as good as here.

jellyfrizz · 15/07/2019 20:29

Just seen you are a single mum op. I understand the temptation money wise but look very carefully into what prejudice and legal issues you may encounter as a result.

I never knew anyone who encountered prejudice or legal issues being a single mum. The UAE divorce rate is very high so it's not like it's unusual.
Getting pregnant out of wedlock - yes, this would be an issue but once baby has birth cert etc. not a problem.

Skyejuly · 15/07/2019 20:32

Wouldnt go for all the money in the world

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 15/07/2019 20:45

I don't think I'd be able to do it in all honesty.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 15/07/2019 20:51

How good a friend is it and how long do you know them? Are they your sponsor and do they have to grant you allowance to leave?

Original poster
MonstranceClock · 15/07/2019 20:53

I have no idea, it was just mentioned in passing. It wouldn't be for another 18 months or so yet anyway.

OP posts:
SagAloojah · 15/07/2019 20:59

I don't think it would suit you, you don't sound very open minded. Having the choice to sit separately is not segregation. It's a basic concept.

WineGummyBear · 15/07/2019 21:07

The country runs on what is basically slave labour.

Someone's paying for those tempting, inflated salaries. And it's not the expat Europeans or the wealthy emeratis. It's the actual modern slaves. But don't worry, they are kept well hidden from view and so shouldn't bother you.

Jaffacakeobsessed · 15/07/2019 21:11

Lived there for five years, paid off considerable debt and saved a decent house deposit before I moved back home. Several things didn’t sit well long-term with my own feminist/human rights views, but in all honesty I don’t regret going as it would have been impossible for me to get out of the financial black hole I was in any other way, so I’ve made my peace with that.

It is VERY safe for expats/women/children, you’ll find it welcoming, family friendly and very sociable - everyone knows what it’s like to be the newbie so they go out of their way to help you settle in. You'll meet people from all walks of life. Very tolerant of all faiths, there are schools for all nationalities/qualifications (I taught GCSE/A levels and IB in Brit schools) opportunities for travel/outdoors activities are great, while the extra-curricular clubs and sports in schools are amazing. Would be a fantastic experience for your kids. ‘Female only’ areas are not for safety, rather some women prefer to have their own separate space for cultural/religious reasons.

Yes you will be treated harshly if you get off your face and cause trouble or get violent - so don’t! But drinking/socializing is tolerated, even encouraged (tourism) and you’d really have to be ridiculous to find yourself arrested. I’ve seen police help people into taxis after a few too many. It’s not the alcohol alone that is the issue, it’s any seriously horrible behavior that results from it.

Yes, you could spend a fortune on a flash lifestyle like a lot of people do out there, but you can easily budget/save and still live well and enjoy yourself. Check the package being offered to you, alongside salary what provision are you getting for housing/bills/school fees/medical insurance/yearly flights/end of service benefit (in lieu of pension contributions)?

Like anywhere it has its good and bad points, for the reasons you said you’re considering going, I’d definitely say give it a shot!

If you want to PM with any more specific questions, places to live, schools, etc feel free. I know a good number of people still living out there.

Greenmarmalade · 16/07/2019 00:21

**

Greenmarmalade · 16/07/2019 00:23

gingerbreadsprinkle
There's no free SEN provision in most (all?) schools. You're expected to provide your own TA/help. Very little understanding of SEN.

Purpletigers · 16/07/2019 00:38

You go to these countries with two buckets : one for the money and one for all the crap you’ll observe or be subjected to . You leave when one of them is full .
I read that somewhere and it’s always stuck with me . There’s a reason the airports are full of abandoned sports cars .

Ponoka7 · 16/07/2019 00:56

How do you feel about White South Africans who went in the 70's and made their money, ignoring apartheid?

Except throw in what we know is the abuse of African Women, who are basically house slaves, or sex slaves.

Then there's what we know is happening in the prisons etc.

Women are safe there? Not according to my Nigerian friends.

You aren't a feminist. Anymore than the White people who ignored the lynchings, wasn't really racist.

SheilaBruce · 16/07/2019 01:09

OP, you say you're from a misunderstood culture yourself. In UAE, would your cultural background be more compatible or less so?

Iggi999 · 16/07/2019 01:09

It sounds a lot like the "freedom from not freedom to" offered to the women on Gilead.

DexyMidnight · 16/07/2019 01:37

It’s a very, very safe country for those who are prepared to obey the law and behave with dignity and decorum.

I felt incredibly safe there, there are no muggings, no drink spiking, no pickpockets etc because the criminal justice system is harsh and human rights don’t exist.

There are many concerns you can legitimately have with the UAE but personal safety is not one of them

AgentProvocateur · 16/07/2019 04:54

OP, I’ve been here fir a year. I came to work because my pension provision in the U.K. is poor. I’m 50 and my DC are adults now, so not the same situation as you. I had never been before I started work, as it had never appealed to me as a holiday destination. My hours are long, so I don’t do much in the week, but I have made a lot of good friends here from all over the world, including Emirati women. I go to the theatre, arthouse cinema, bars, restaurants etc. And there some amazing destinations nearby to go for a short break.

I won’t stay here for ever, but I rent a gorgeous apartment (rent is dear) and I’m saving a shitload of money. It’s incredibly safe - I walk or get public transport late at night on my own - and incredibly clean, which is a really nice environment to live in.

If you’d asked me five years ago whether I’d ever live here, I’d have said no way. But circumstances change. If you can make the salary work for you, taking into account rent and school fees, go for it!