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Original poster

I’ve been seeing a guy for nearly 7 months but I don’t know ever he wants?

105 replies

Wilkiemini · 14/07/2019 18:12

I met a lovely man online a year after Being dumped by the father of my children (a very hurtful time)

I really like this guy BUT he lives 1.5 hours away and this is starting to become s problem seven months down the line!

He stood me up for a work party he was supposed to come to by saying he was ill, I had an inkling he was going to go this but he didn’t actually tell me until an hours before he was supposed to arrive. I had this message “how pissed off would you be if I didn’t come?”
The next day he said he felt better and I was waiting to see when / where he wanted to meet but he didn’t ask me do I so I spent the whole weekend alone as on the Sunday he flew to America to work.

When he returned on Friday morning again I waited to see when he wanted to meet...he edited until that evening to say he was spending the weekend with his daughter and he didn’t know when he would see me? Maybe next weekend?

Am I being unreasonable to feel really hurt by this especially as he has just returned from a weeks holiday with his daughter and she is 19! We have seen each other just twice got a few hours in over 5 weeks

I told him I was feeling a little neglected and he said the distance was a pain in the arse.

Other than this he is everything I thought I’d never find in a man...but now I’m left feeling like a I’m the occasional weekend shag!!

My head is all over the place

Do I finish it now before he hurts me I don’t think I can go through another awful breakup :(

I haven’t met his daughter he has never discussed this with me, he said she comes first and always will which I understand as I have children too but where does this leave me, I’m feeling very confused about this relationship now and yet we were so happy before :(

Advise please what would you do?

OP posts:
Prawnofthepatriarchy · 14/07/2019 20:36

Good for you, OP. I'm sure that's the best thing to do. And I think the advice offered by Asta19 is excellent.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 14/07/2019 20:37

He may never reply. Does it really matter?

QueenBeex · 14/07/2019 20:38

I think you sending the msg was for the best.

Sonicknuckles · 14/07/2019 20:52

Yeah I agree you did right sending the message and you have showed your self respect

Original poster
Wilkiemini · 14/07/2019 21:11

Well I sent it an hour and a half ago...I can see he has read it but still no reply

He’s not here so I guess that’s my answer!

OP posts:
CrunchTime0 · 14/07/2019 21:14

He sounds like a right tool.

Original poster
Wilkiemini · 14/07/2019 21:19

If like yo make it clear I’m
Not the Other woman! I would never do that to anyone

I have met his parents
He lives alone
His daughter lives with her mother and new husband and has gone for many years

OP posts:
Original poster
Wilkiemini · 14/07/2019 21:24

I have just received this message...

I've read your message lots of times. Think I need to process for a bit? Overnight perhaps? Hope that's ok. X

What do I reply? Or shall I just ignore this?

OP posts:
Sparklesocks · 14/07/2019 21:28

I would leave it for now, you’ve told him how you feel and it’s in his court to act.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 14/07/2019 21:31

If you feel you have to reply just "Fine" covers it. Or any other single word of your choice. Smile

Original poster
Wilkiemini · 14/07/2019 21:36

It appear this little furry thing is the ‘real’ love of my life...only half joking ;)

I’ve been seeing a guy for nearly 7 months but I don’t know ever he wants?
OP posts:
pepsimax20bigger · 14/07/2019 21:38

So he's deciding whether he wants to bother or not.
I'd message back saying "we'd best call it a day, we're obviously not on the same page".

CrunchTime0 · 14/07/2019 21:39

What did you say in your message ?

What does he need to process?

MommaJP · 14/07/2019 21:44

You might be apprehensive due to a bad relationship previously but I'm sorry but this new guy doesn't seem worth your time.

Original poster
Wilkiemini · 14/07/2019 21:45

This is the gist of it...

So we appear to have reached a crossroads...without all the drama ;)
I honestly don’t know where we go from here as I certainly wasn’t expecting this to happen!

I was very happy with how things were but things have gone a bit pear shaped over the last month, i understand that during this time you have been on holiday and worked away, we’ve literally seen each other for a few hours since Cardiff, again I do get this and (at times) I’m not expecting this to change.

However, please attempt to see things from my point of view, you were away a week on hols then return and I see you briefly, then you are poorly which means we miss each other again that weekend (although given opportunity I would have happily come to see you on that Saturday as you said you felt better am)

So you then go away with work, again I have no issues with this at all, but on your return I’m sitting there wondering if I’m going to see you or not and you only let me know late on Friday night that you are going to spend the weekend with XXXX again absolutely no problem with this, but just for a second imagine how you would feel If i had done that to you? I had thought maybe we would just meet somewhere for the day as obs I had plans too but instead I’m just left feeling like I’m at the very bottom of your priority list because I’m the last to know what’s going on? I don’t mean to offend I’m just trying to explain why it left me feeling like you were just breadcrumbing me!

So here we are...at the crossroads 😑

I do like you very much and I haven’t hidden that fact, but I get the impression that you may not feel quite the same as surely if you did the distance wouldn’t matter as we’d find a way of making it work. Or am I just bring a romantic fool?

I still have enough respect for myself left that I know I’m not wanting to be someone’s last resort, or occasional weekend shag? I was pretty clear from the off that this really isn’t me.

I’m emotionally connected to you
now and I don’t want it to end but if the future just holds more of the same it really would be kinder for you just to let me go.

So I suppose I’m asking you if you think I’m worth the effort and for you to decide?

If yes we can together find a workable compromise?

If no then I’ll lick my wounds and move on...before before it becomes even harder to do this.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable...or maybe I am I don’t know but certainly those I’ve asked about this (man and woman) have said it just sounds like you aren’t that interested and that I should move on?

So there you have it bandaid ripped off...if nothing else I’ve learned from past mistakes to just hit things head on and not ignore them

OP posts:
Original poster
Wilkiemini · 14/07/2019 21:46

Oh god I think I should be locked up without a way of contacting him for my own good....

Seriously 😒 wtf has happened to me!!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 14/07/2019 22:00

You sent all of that in a text?

sarahC40 · 14/07/2019 22:01

You sound great - hope he realises it.

Sn0tnose · 14/07/2019 22:05

If he was really into you, wild horses couldn’t keep him away, especially having told him that the Scarlet Pimpernel act is wearing thin.

The start of dating is supposed to be the bit where you can’t get enough of each other. If he’s acting like this is all a bit too much like hard work now, what’s he going to be like in a years time? And what’s worse is that he’s holding all the power. He decides when you’ll be seeing each other? And now he’s ‘processing’ whether he can be arsed to make the effort to see you?! Fuck him right off!

In your position, I’d take that power back. You are not so desperate for a boyfriend that you’re willing to put up with being someone’s ‘maybe’ option! If I were you I’d text him now (before he’s got the chance to dump you by text pretending the distance is just too far) and say ‘Process away and take all the time you need, but I’m not really interested in hearing the outcome anymore. It’s just not that much fun anymore. All the best, Wilkie.

And then block him!

AFistfulofDolores1 · 14/07/2019 22:05

You just handed him all your cards again - but I think you know that.

Sn0tnose · 14/07/2019 22:08

Oh God, I took so long typing that I crossed with that text. That is not good!

And your name is in your post Wilkie. Report yourself quick.

MeltedEggMum2 · 14/07/2019 22:10

Op, report your post and get it edited - your real name is in there.

I would dump him. Find someone better who takes the time to actually be with you.

Original poster
Wilkiemini · 14/07/2019 22:12

What’s app

OP posts:
pepsimax20bigger · 14/07/2019 22:13

Christ op, I wouldn't have sent him all of that. He'll be cringing, I'm cringing for you.
Sorry op but if he's not making an effort to see you it's because he's not into you.
I'd try to delete the message before he reads it and move on with your dignity intact.

Honeyroar · 14/07/2019 22:19

You had the power, but you've passed it right back to him. He's even keeping you dangling for 24 hours, he can't even decide whether he can be bothered to step up - which is as good as a no in my book. It's right that he prioritises his daughter over a relatively new relationship, but he's prioritising EVERYTHING over you.. I'd take back the power and pull the plug. This is not enough. Anyone into you would be scared that they were losing you. He's not even sure whether he is.

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