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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to question DS' Achievement Award?

80 replies

cakedup · 13/07/2019 09:36

Every year, the school have an evening of presenting Achievement Awards to students in year 7 - 11, two students for each subject.

DS is profoundly dyslexic and struggles academically. But tries hard and is well behaved. In year 7 he won an award for the SEN department. I had mixed feelings about this but he seemed happy enough. In year 8, he won an award for PSHE. He has no idea why he won this award and was genuinely confused by it. He felt it wasn't really deserved and that his name had got picked out of a hat.

Now in year 9 and he has been nominated again. I am obviously pleased, always good news. DS wasn't over excited - to be fair, it's a loooong evening, in an extremely hot hall, watching people walk on/off stage. We won't know what the award is for until we get there and are presented with a list as we walk in.

DS has no idea what the award is for, it's usually the super brainy kids who get the awards. He suspects it's for textiles. There has been a constant change of teachers for this subject and they've barely done any proper work. But they have to give an award to someone and DS is an easy target because he is well behaved and school like to encourage him because of his SEN as he has had self esteem issues regarding this.

AIBU to turn up on the evening, check out the list of awards, and if DS has been nominated for textiles then just head home again? DS says if it's for textiles it is completely meaningless.

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 13/07/2019 09:40

Wouldn't be meaningless if he wanted to be a fashion designer would it!? Hmm I think you've got a bad attitude.

lollipopguild · 13/07/2019 09:41

Seriously??

Theemojimovie · 13/07/2019 09:42

You need to help him with his self esteem by telling him how great it is that he got a prize.
Of all the children in the year, he was the best!
By agreeing with him that it is worthless, you are validating that low opinion he has of himself.
By leaving if it's not a 'good enough' prize, he will realist that his parents don't have any faith in him or his abilities, and that will be awful for him.
Please go, praise him, and show him that he is a great person.

MyOpinionIsValid · 13/07/2019 09:42

Arent you a bundle of joy?

pudcat · 13/07/2019 09:44

The staff obviously see something in him that you don't.

imnottoofussed · 13/07/2019 09:45

You don't have to attend at all surely? We couldn't go one year as we were on holiday. Dd still got her certificate when she was back in school.

OwlinaTree · 13/07/2019 09:47

Does every child get an award, so he feels like he's just been given this as no one thinks he's good at anything else? Or do only a few children each year get an award?

MeredithGrey1 · 13/07/2019 09:48

Wouldn't be meaningless if he wanted to be a fashion designer would it!? hmm I think you've got a bad attitude.

Could be wrong but my understanding wasn’t that OP thinks textiles is a pointless subject, just that her DS feels like if it is that award then it’s been picked basically at random and not because he is particularly gifted at it. Therefore the award, to him, is meaningless.

sd249 · 13/07/2019 09:48

Those awards are picked with care. The staff have to choose someone out of the whole year group. For us we sit as a team and decide who gets it and teachers have to put children forward and say exactly WHY they deserve it.

PSHE isn't a "brainy" subject, however if your child is dyslexic PSHE isn't about writing often, its about opinions and working as a team and maybe the staff have seen the true him without the limitations that his disability makes him struggle with.

If he has won an award he has been chosen and you should be celebrating with him. Him saying "I don't know why I was picked" sounds like low self esteem.

Original poster
cakedup · 13/07/2019 09:48

Eh?? I think he is amazing! I'm very proud of him and his achievements.

It is not possible for the school to give a meaningful award for textiles. They've had 7 different teachers over the year, none of those teachers know the students, and they have not even produced any proper work, most of the time they have been given "busy work". They will literally be choosing 2 students for the sake of it.

If DS had not expressed his feelings about this (that it would be meaningless to him, if it is textiles) then I wouldn't even question it.

OP posts:
SushiGo · 13/07/2019 09:49

Are you actively trying to make his self esteem worse?! Big him up.

So what if its a subject that's had a few different teachers, one of them at least thought he had the right attitude/good ideas/talent. You should be spelling it out to him that he has obviously done very well, in a situation where he could have taken advantage and mucked about.

Original poster
cakedup · 13/07/2019 09:51

sd249 regarding the award for PSHE, I told DS they must have picked him for some reason. I told him he is emotionally mature for his age and that must have come across. Did he take part in discussions? (apparently not). What about the work he produced? (apparently hardly produced any, was often taken out for SEN support, and none of the work was handed in).

OP posts:
BubblesBuddy · 13/07/2019 09:51

Where my DC went to school, you accepted what was given because it’s bad manners not to. That’s it really. Accept it graciously and your DS will learn this lesson in life.

Teacheranonymous · 13/07/2019 09:52

YABU. In15 years of experience, I’ve never known a child be picked randomly or out of sympathy. The children are picked because they deserve the award. Is it that you don’t see the value in the award? What would you rather he was nominated for that you wold think it was worthy of your attendance?

Original poster
cakedup · 13/07/2019 09:53

OwlinaTree two children per subject (one boy, one girl) for each subject. His best friend (academic superstar) wins a big bulk of them!

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 13/07/2019 09:54

Yes, that’s right, OP. Tell your son his award is meaningless.

“an easy target...” for a prize.

This is one of the best. 👍

BiscuitDrama · 13/07/2019 09:54

I would explain to the school that he would be disheartened if it’s textiles, for the reasons you explained, and see if they can give you a nod about whether to attend or not.

Original poster
cakedup · 13/07/2019 09:55

MeredithGrey1 thanks for understanding, I thought I was pretty clear!

OP posts:
Original poster
cakedup · 13/07/2019 09:59

herculepoirot2 I would never tell him it's meaningless, but he is a bright child and I respect his opinion.

If I won an award at work for "Best use of budget" for example, I would feel embarrassed and confused, because that really isn't something I'm good at in my job. If I then found out it was top management who chose the awards, I'd be even more cynical because they have no idea who I even am.

OP posts:
BlueSkiesLies · 13/07/2019 10:01

Maybe he’s a nice kid who tries hard? That would put him to the forefront of teachers minds when thinking of prize for pshe or whatever.

You have a strange attitude!

BarbariansMum · 13/07/2019 10:02

Being given an award you know you dont deserve is pretty patronising tbf. It suggests that the person who's nominating you has no idea what you are actually capable of.

I think you would not be unreasonable to follow your ds' lead in this OP.

RedSkyLastNight · 13/07/2019 10:03

My DC have never won secondary school awards and would actually like to. If a child who'd won an award for 3 years running decided he couldn't bothered to turn up to collect an award on the basis it was worthless, I can I imagine this would cause some upset.
Maybe be grateful that your child is winning awards even if you don't understand the basis on which they are given? Even if they have had several teachers they can still awrd the prize on basis of "most creative design of piece x" or something.

Original poster
cakedup · 13/07/2019 10:04

What would you rather he was nominated for that you wold think it was worthy of your attendance? Pretty much any other subject Teacheranonymous . He did an amazing piece of work in English that he was proud of, no-where near the level of his peers but absolutely brilliant for him. Maths - he has gone from avoiding class altogether to putting his hand up and giving it a go. Science - may not produce great written pieces but has a genuine interest in the subject and asks intelligent questions. Art, Music Tech, etc

OP posts:
herculepoirot2 · 13/07/2019 10:04

Then just don’t go. Really, stop complaining about it, though. Schools can’t do right for doing wrong, can they? Hmm

callmeadoctor · 13/07/2019 10:05

Blimey!!!!!!!